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Interracial Marriages

Holly & Tony

Married April 2017

How a Shy Hermit Came Out of His Shell

Here’s how a reclusive gamer and an outgoing gal got together after meeting on our site. To explain her decision to join, Holly says, “I wasn’t meeting decent guys in real life. So I thought I would give it a shot. This was the first dating site for me!”

Tony considered online dating a time-saver. “I worked a lot and never really went out,” he explains. “It was just easier to try online dating.” Was he optimistic at the start? “I was not! I just thought it was worth a shot.”

Holly wasn’t brimming with confidence, either. “I had a bad track record of horrible exes,” she admits, rolling her eyes.

Their memberships could still be measured in weeks, not months, when flickers of interest were sparked. As Tony remembers it, “She looked at my profile, and then I sent her a Flirt, and she sent one back. After that, I messaged her.”

We asked Holly what was most attractive about Tony’s profile. “In all honesty, it was his headline about being a modern-day Renaissance man,” she says. Turns out she definitely had a type, and Tony was it… “He was pretty dead on, because he liked playing video games and he was Asian and, well, I like both those things!”

Tony picks up the story there. “She started to talk to me. When she mentioned that she loved Dir En Grey — they’re my favorite band — it was set,” he says. “She really had me!”

Beyond fandom for the same Japanese heavy metal band, “we had a lot of similar interests,” says Holly. Their conversations were so promising, in fact, that Tony offered to visit her despite the fact they lived in different states. “He actually came to Missouri to see me,” says Holly, impressed. She notes that they didn’t do anything special, just “ran around doing random activities like dinner.” Adds Tony, “We just hung out!”

We like to ask couples about their first impressions from meeting in person. Holly remembers thinking “There he is!” and “I’m really glad this is happening.”

And Tony’s first thought? “Oh snap, she IS real and not some dude pretending to be a girl!”

He’s joking, of course, but he was glad that the Holly who showed up was the same person from her pictures, posts and messages. She felt a similar relief. “Not much really surprised me because we had talked a lot and he turned out to be the same in person as online,” says Holly.

Both singles left their first date feeling good about going out again, soon. “I was pretty positive we would see each other again because we clicked so well,” explains Holly. Tony bursts out laughing, saying, “I started to try and get her to move to Texas with me, so I could make SURE we saw each other again!”

As it often does, the distance between them posed a problem. “We lived in different states and he was kind of a shy hermit, so it was hard to work around that, but we made it,” Holly says.

Tony acknowledges that they have very different personality types. “I kept to myself and stayed in the background, while she is very social and outgoing, but somehow it worked.” He says he’s come to really appreciate “that she stands her ground and is always honest and blunt. She really brings me out of my shell.”

Holly has praise for her man, too. “He is a nice guy and supports who you are as a person… And he is a fantastic father!” She says she truly realized how special he was when she saw him with their child. “I don’t think it hit me until after we had our daughter, because we were only together for a year and then found out I was pregnant, and it was kind of crazy.”

For Tony, what this relationship really meant to him became clear when he almost lost it. “Right before we found out she was pregnant, she was thinking of heading back to Missouri. When I thought she was going to leave, I realized how devastated it made me feel… And I knew I couldn’t lose this girl.”

So he asked her to marry him, and she said yes! But that didn’t go down in the usual way… “We have a very unconventional relationship,” says Tony. “We don’t do the whole taking pictures together and date night. We just like to chill out and spend time with our kids. After our daughter was born, Holly’s insurance was about to expire, and so we went to the courthouse and got an informal marriage certificate, which is basically a common-law marriage. Eventually we will have a wedding ceremony – or at least we hope we will, but life can be crazy, especially since we are expecting our son to be born very soon.”

Holly nods. “[This relationship] has made life so much crazier than I thought it would, but I think that is mainly the kids’ doing!”

Holly advises that women take precautions when meeting someone in person for the first time. “It can be tricky. Meet in public several times. Take protection, and I’m not just talking about condoms. The world is scary, but you will find who you are meant to be with. Sometimes it takes being online to meet that person!”

Tony agrees that you can’t be too careful, but he also wants to remind people of the power of positivity. “Stay positive and be open to talking to people,” he stresses to singles. “Once you find the right person everything you have been through is the distant past, and the future is so bright and wonderful!”