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Contest: What's Your New Years Relationship Resolution?

Posted by Leticia, 01 Jan

It's the New Year and you're stuck at home alone...again. Now's the time for some relationship reflection. What went wrong in your last relationship, and what might you do differently? Here's some tips from relationships expert, Tina Tessina, PhD, author of "The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again."

Take a read of the tips, then find out how you can win three months premium membership and an autographed copy of "Swirling" (Swirling : How to Date, Mate and Relate, Mixing Race, Culture and Creed).

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Dating Do’s and Don’ts

DO'S

  • Do ‘shop around’—don't stay focused on one person until you've given yourself a choice.

  • Do listen. Don't monopolize the conversation. You'll learn even more about your date, and be more relaxed.

  • Do focus on friendship. When you’ve just met someone, you can't know where it might go, so concentrate on developing the friendship. You can have as many friends as you want.

  • Do get feedback. Offer your comments on the event or the restaurant, and ask your date what he or she thought of it, for future reference.

  • Do let your date know if you enjoyed his/her company. A compliment is always welcome. If you'd like to do it again, say so.

  • If you promise to call, mean it. If you've decided not to continue the relationship but feel you can't say so, don't make empty promises.

  • Do tell the truth—don't lie, but also don't share too much too soon. You don't need to tell your date about other dates if you two have no agreement about exclusivity. Wait until the relationship has progressed to exclusivity.

  • Do pay attention to the clues about your date—you need to learn about this person's character, not just looks and charm.

DON'TS

  • Don’t assume your date is exclusive with you if you've never talked about it.

  • Don't be afraid of silence. Occasional silences allow a conversation to feel natural and unforced.

  • Don't make sex the objective. Good reasons for going slowly into sexual activity include: reducing the risk of sexually transmitted diseases, avoiding the awkwardness of intimacy with a total stranger; averting codependent obsession; and having sex to look forward to. If and when sex is right, it will happen—there’s no advantage in rushing.

  • Don't date beyond your budget. It doesn't impress your date if, in the long run, you have to make an embarrassing confession, and “buying” someone's company doesn't work. A wide disparity in income calls for frank discussion early on. If your date spends a lot on you, reciprocating with a home-cooked meal, a hand-made gift, or needed repair work will even the tally.

  • Don't get too self-conscious. The media focus on youth and fitness these days can make anyone feel insecure and unattractive. Look your best, then forget about it. Instead of worrying what your date thinks of you, focus on what you think of your date.

Have a relationship resolution you'd like to share? Tell us in the comments section and get a chance to win three months premium membership and an autographed copy of "Swirling" (Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate, Mixing Race, Culture and Creed).

Update Jan 2013: The winner of the January Relationship Resolution contest is "Atomickitty!" Good to see that she's finally gathering enough courage to un-apologetically date who she wants, no matter the color. Congratulations "Atomickitty," you just won three months premium membership and a copy of "Swirling"! Good luck in finding that special someone in 2013!

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30 responses to "Contest: What's Your New Years Relationship Resolution?"

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  1.   mimigal30 says:
    Posted: 16 Jan 13

    I look back ,thank you get through this mistakes and move on with my life.my new year resolution is not repeating all mistake that I did in the past,I'm starting new chapter of my life.I want to find what my heart desires(white men who has good heart and who will love me for me,the rest will follow.I won't give up and I won't lose faith and hope.I know is not easy but I will do it when the time is right

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  2.   mimigal30 says:
    Posted: 16 Jan 13

    From 2012 ,I made lot of mistakes and I fall for wrong people and I learn from them,2013,I don't want to get hurt ,I just want to find what I'm looking for and what my heart desires(my heart desires to find good white men who love me for me and give my love back)I won't lose hope and faith.I know I will find him.when the time is right.this my new year resolutuin

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  3.   liciamich says:
    Posted: 15 Jan 13

    My this year resolution is to check back at my last year mistake and work hard to correct them, keep my mind free from doubt and see my relationship as the best on earth

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  4.   Happybabe18 says:
    Posted: 11 Jan 13

    My new year relationship resolution is to be patient and let things happen natural. If I learn any thing is when you least expect your life will change in an instant, so patience and honesty Is every thing. I will not settle I will wait for mr alright not mr right now

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  5.   AMANDAJ56 says:
    Posted: 11 Jan 13

    I have been married for four years now,blessed with a baby girl unfortunately,my life has not been easy.I rushed into marriage thinking that I had found someone of my Heart but this has not been the case.I thought she was going to be a good wife but she's now become the worst......I thought it wise; My resolution for this year is to give her the last chance,what if I was cheated by my sight....I could have made a wrong choice.I would love to find my true love I’m open to anyone regardless of my current marital status....someone who would be as kind as I am.

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  6.   jod212 says:
    Posted: 09 Jan 13

    You forgot one last catagory, "cold feet syndrome". This effect's young and old but remember if your sIgnificant other pull's back... Be willing to move on but keep the door open in case he/she return's down the road. It just happened to me. Relationship's are a strange thing. Try to keep your heart open, you never know what the other person is thinking or what they are going through...alway's be kind.

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  7.   blueberry6 says:
    Posted: 09 Jan 13

    Patience; to wait for the man who has the same values as I have. Patience; to accept him with his flaws. Patience to stay on one dating site as a member.

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  8.   lovelmoses says:
    Posted: 07 Jan 13

    i resolve to give love and chance some time.coz i hate players.i need someone how is open to me.

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  9.   Vivacious21 says:
    Posted: 07 Jan 13

    I have been having short relationships because i rushed to get intimate(sex) without first knowing someone. This new year, i have resolved to take my time when i meet that special person, get find more about them, get to know who they really are on the inside rather than just looking on the outside. Am also going to be independent as i have learned that nobody wants a needy and clingy person... I want to be a partner who will add something special in my partner's life...

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  10.   Msslim32 says:
    Posted: 07 Jan 13

    I would love to find my true love I'm open to any race just want someone who will respect me and accept me and my two sons for 2013...

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  11.   jam58 says:
    Posted: 07 Jan 13

    I resolve to meet as many guys that interest me as possible, give up some of the old ideas of dating, leave all baggage behind me and look for the man I want to share the rest of my life with.

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  12.   tiffany67 says:
    Posted: 06 Jan 13

    In. My. Last. Relationship I. Was. Married. At. 19 it. End because. He. Lied. And. Cheated. On. Me but what. I'll do know is. Take.my. time. At. My. Relationship. Because. I. Have children. And. You. Can't. Have. Just. Have. Anyone. Around. Them. So. I'll make. Sure. His. The. One. For. Me.

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  13.   missionman1 says:
    Posted: 06 Jan 13

    I resolve to give love a chance one more time. I have been hurt many times by being open, however I resolve not to let that keep me from finding my soulmate. Race means nothing.... love means everything and that's what I'm looking for everything!

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  14.   honeycube says:
    Posted: 06 Jan 13

    I want my x back

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  15.   Michael2225 says:
    Posted: 06 Jan 13

    My new year relationship resolution is first and foremost , to have an increased understanding of this indispensible , " living phenomenon " called LOVE , understand the dynamic human nature in whom , through whom and for whom it exists , and to adjust myself to its true and full nature - in the realms of intellectual , emotional , volitional and material - by which i would be able and yielded by myself as its perfect human personality and practical expression . Upon the basis of the meaning of the above indicated resolution , i will assume the task to initiate , nurture and fulfil ultimately an all-inclusive love , in which there will be a consistence of pleasure in the hearts and a peaceful satisfaction in the minds for me and my parner. And upon a determination to ensure my accomplishment of the above indicated resolution , the only ground upon which i will enter into a relationship with any woman must be on the basis of her actual acknowledgment and realistic consideration of my financial status , proffesional career and , probably , geographical location , in the proccess of her decision for the relationship . In summary , my new year relationship resolution is to seek and partake in the love which is founded not upon its superficial value but upon its intrinsic value . I wish Good LOVE to you all !!!

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  16.   Coco4Soul says:
    Posted: 06 Jan 13

    My new years resolution is to love, live and enjoy everyday life, I want to be successful in everything I do this year, including finding love, travel, and just be happy.

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  17.   ms.elegant says:
    Posted: 06 Jan 13

    my resolution would be to find someone who is going to be honest and happy with themself as wel as me....i have two beautiful mixed daughters that i would ike that special someone to except them for them be supportive but not..and i say it again...... not finacially take care of them thats my job....lol i also would like for the special person and myself to have a bond with each other.... i don't mean just a sexual connect either.....it needs to be all or nothing for me .... maybe my standards are high but my kids deserve nothing but the best ....as well as myself, and the person i will be sharing my space with

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  18.   buckster says:
    Posted: 06 Jan 13

    I resolve to meet someone and give them a chance

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  19.   buckster says:
    Posted: 06 Jan 13

    I want a real relationship with someone special

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  20.   QualeTiers says:
    Posted: 06 Jan 13

    I resolve to donate blood again, do more of the things I think about doing, and less of the things I don't think about doing.

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  21.   Supremy says:
    Posted: 06 Jan 13

    I find it very hard to get real woman who love me and care for me , please advise me on this matter

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  22.   dvivster511 says:
    Posted: 06 Jan 13

    My relationship resolution is to be more open and receptive to a loving relationship.

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  23.   atomickitty says:
    Posted: 05 Jan 13

    patience,patience,patience. That is what I am resolved to be not just for the new year but moving forward. I am also resolved to move forward without fear. Some of my family is still in the dark about me dating interracial so I guess I am ready to "come out "! Before I wanted to wait until I knew I had found "the ONE". Now I understand that I have to patient and it'll come and in the mean time I can't worry about the judgement of others.

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  24.   Mashe85 says:
    Posted: 03 Jan 13

    I resolve to open my heart to a great man with less emphasis on looks and more on chemistry and intellect. I've been alone since I had my daughter and feel ready to finally start a relationship. Thanks for the tips I will implement them one I get a date!

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  25.   eboneezer823 says:
    Posted: 02 Jan 13

    I resolve to be more open with the men I choose to date. I'm learning to let certain things slide. Slowly... lol

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    • chukwudy says:
      Posted: 06 Jan 13

      I am all for that, I love it when my woman is OPEN with me. I just sufffered a heartbreak because of a deceiving cheater. I appreciate honesty in any woman. That shows the inner beauty.

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  26.   SunnFlower77 says:
    Posted: 02 Jan 13

    I have the book Swirling, an autographed copy. I attended the Date who you want to date conversation in Atlanta GA. I thank you for this list above. I have socialized in new places that I normally do not go to. I have approached first. I am now online with a profile. I may need help with my choice of pictures of myself and the words in my profile. Anyone have a few positive suggestions.

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  27.   meggy54 says:
    Posted: 01 Jan 13

    my resolution is to find me my white man. just wanna start a healthy relationship of love, trust & honesty. am gona wait around patiently for love to come my way & when it does, i'll embrace it & never let it go.

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  28.   summereyre says:
    Posted: 31 Dec 12

    Much like 2012, I resolve to let romance happen naturally. Thanks for sharing the tips and insights. I wish everyone a prosperous and happy new year.

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  29.   Jackie2013 says:
    Posted: 31 Dec 12

    Thank you for your nice tips,as for my new relationship resolution for the new year is that i want to be able to understand my partner,in everything so that we live happily,i will have to be kind,patient,more adventurous,and funny so as not to have a boring relationship,spare atleast ten minutes everyday to communicate since its important in a relationship and also understand eachothers goals because making progress as a couple means making progress individualy and helping eachother throughout the year in fulfilling personal career goals.

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