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Study: Racial stereotypes in online dating

Posted by Ria, 24 Apr

I once asked you guys in an earlier post: “Do dating sites encourage racial prejudice?” Well, a UC Irvine study claims that online daters have a tendency of observing racial stereotypes while seeking potential mates.

The researchers analyzed Yahoo personals and found that White men prefer Asian and Hispanic women to African American women as dating partners. White women on the other hand have a preference for African American and Hispanic men as opposed to Asian men. Asians, Blacks and Latinos were more inclined to include White people as possible mates than White people were to include them. White people seem to be the most preferred race when it comes to interracial dating.

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Cynthia Feliciano, one of the researchers and UCI assistant professor of sociology and Chicano/Latino studies, pegs the above preference findings on negative portrayals of Black women and Asian men by the media – on TV, in movies and music. "Stereotypical images of masculinity and femininity shape dating choices and continue to be perpetuated in the mass media," said Feliciano, "The hyper-feminine image of Asian American women contrasts greatly with the image of Asian men, who are often portrayed as asexual."

At the same time, the image of the strong Black woman, portrayed negatively by media as bossiness, is pegged against the idealized notions of submissive and frail women; which kinda explains why they were the least preferred choice of mate. This study on internet dating shows how race still plays into the selection of a partner.

Having been dubbed the 'dominant race' and being the most preferred racial group (according to the study), do you think White people influence the composition of interracial dating in the U.S.? Do racial stereotypes as portrayed by the media influence racial preference and choice in the internet dating scene? What other factors could be making Black women and Asian men the least preferred groups?

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270 responses to "Study: Racial stereotypes in online dating"

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  1.   starthai says:
    Posted: 28 Apr 09

    Now, NoPlayer you usually come with some insightful post, but you know your gonna get lit up for this one lol! I catch your drift though. I think your referring to the extremely high pitch, overly friendly and delicate "talk". All white women don't talk like this and I've met darker-skinned women who talk like this and it doesn't seem to match. But I also consider the fact that I have two bw friends that grew up in all white neighborhoods and they really can't help the way they talk, this is also true for white women who grew up in an all black settings. I think it all boils down too growing up in an all black setting, light-skinned bw are valued higher by most bm, than darker-skinned bw. When a light-skinned bw step to the other side such as dating a wm, it's fair game. With a lot of wm, who date black women see a black women as a black women, because most of us are darker than them anyway. Balance is definitely key for anything. From my experiences ( and I'm not implying anyone here, because I know none of you) it seems the so called most beautiful people are the most messed up in the head. There are people who think I'm not attractive and there are people who think I'm gorgeous. I'm very thankful for that balance.

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  2.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 28 Apr 09

    I talked with a WM I know that only dates BW and asked him if he thinks there's a difference between dark or light skinned BW and what would make him pick one over the other. He stated that skin complexion is not an issue but he's turned off by BW who act too much like white women. I asked him to explain futher and he said that, he's only attracted to BW and when the only thing that makes it obvious that she's a BW is the color of her skin, then thats a problem for him. He stated that he runs across more light skinned BW who act like that, he said it's almost like they're trying too hard. He said the "Hillary Banks" (Fresh Prince of Bel Air) type of BW is not his type, she's black but she's no SISTA and if he wanted a WW he'd date one. I was like, OK I hear ya! I can relate to what he's saying because when I started dating WW, I myself was turned off by those who seemed to act like, "well in with a BM so I'll act like I'm blk" and that didn't cut it for me at all. If I'm attracted to Kattie I don't want her acting like Keisha Cole! I've seen this with girls I grew up with from grade to high school. I had BW call to give me info about our 10 year class reunion and when she said her name and why she was calling I didn't know who the hell this woman was and we were in school together from the 3rd to the 12th grade and we lived one block over from eachother. I later found out that she started dating WM in college and I wonder why the change, I'm not talking about speaking correct english. I'm talking about her sounding as white as Vanna White! Oh well, as they say, "IT IS WHAT IT IS" !

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  3.   DIVA47 says:
    Posted: 28 Apr 09

    I just want to say that I been fortunate, to live in a lot of different countries and I think I can't remember the person name, but he or she were very right we worry to much about race and color. Not everybody going to be attractive too you. But there was also a member who had a list of all the cities that were good and bad for interracial dating. Well I figure if I could fine love in Germany, we all should be able to find love in the US. I been spending a lot of time in Washington DC and there's a group of asians and black that have an interracial dating site, but the different is they all get together once a month have dinner parties bowling parties. I went to a couple of them and had a great time and met some really nice Korean guys, that if I lived in washington I would become a member. What I'm trying to say bittin around the bush. Like a friend of mine said most white men want black women but they don't know how to approach them. I love white men and I will always love them the attraction is so strong I don't even think I could go asian. Diva47

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  4.   salsera77 says:
    Posted: 28 Apr 09

    To echo and add to what canjamgirl said, actually one of the original questions on this blog's topic is: What other factors could be making Black women and Asian men the least preferred groups? The question that butterfly353, canjamgirl and I posed was in response to this question. I know my response was intended for that purpose. Nobody is "running around trying to figure out why they’re not being approached by certain men" and nobody has a self esteem issue. This is a topic that was posed and we are addressing and exploring it here.

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  5.   gigi6672 says:
    Posted: 28 Apr 09

    Wow! I'm surprised that most of the women are commenting with frustration to a man listing several races. Because I've dated most races, I listed those in my search. I married a black man, so I'm not opposed to dating black men either. However, when I came across this site I was primarily interested in meeting white men, because that's how it was advertised. When I saw a profile of black guys I was shocked to see they were interested in dating black women. After all, this is an interracial dating site. I live in Dallas, TX. T-E-X-A-S people! (The seventh state to secede from the Union because Abe Lincoln was elected and current governor Rick Perry eluded to doing so because of Obama). I have never had a white man tell me he was intimidated about approaching me. I guess it's all about how I carry myself (not to say that any of you are not carrying yourself in an unapproaching manner). Although I can look mean at times, when I'm out with family or friends I guess I must appear approachable. I guess it also helps that my circle of friends are comprised of different ethnicities. We all have preferences, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the main goal for each of us being on this site to find true love?

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  6.   M.Elliot says:
    Posted: 28 Apr 09

    Sorry, was in rush did not have time to correct.

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  7.   M.Elliot says:
    Posted: 27 Apr 09

    Hello Snapdrag44, I apologize on behalf of all African Amerian men for the unbearable suffering you incurred by having to force yourself to date men of the African American ethnicity. However, I would not link your unsuccessful match with African American men on the color of their skin. I would link it with fact that you and your spouse or boyfriend were not mentally compatible. Under the same premise of logic if you had married a European American man and it did not work out I would base the irretrievably broken relationship on the fact that you and him were not mentally compatible and not the color of his skin. I am curious about something and perhaps someone can explain it to me. When an African American women expresses to her African American child that she is only find European American men attractive ,or vise versa When a European American Woman tells her European American child she only finds African American men attractive what impact will that have on the psyche of the child. For a child to know that their mother does not find people of their skin color attractive is something that mot certainly can be iputed to the child in hild psycology as their mother finding them unattractive because of their skin color.

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  8.   canjamgirl says:
    Posted: 27 Apr 09

    Thank you ChelleBelle, Salsera and Glock, this conversation has gone very awry. My question was not based on insecurities or who should approach who. Initially I stated that I personally noticed a consistent trend with the 'type' of Black women that I see White men dating. I wanted to understand from the other sides point of view whether or not what I see is happenstance, or whether what I think I see as being a preference toward a certain skin tone; is founded on some truth/myth or just my imagination. Some of the other ladies have weighed in that they as well have noticed these same trends - we're wondering? We're not suffering from any syndrome or self-esteem issues, we're not White so if there's something we're not understanding, we ask. Based on the comments of Glock and HoopDream, it would appear that our views are perceived and not real for all White men. What is real to me though, is what I see and as I said earlier, I don't see White men with light-skinned Black woman -actually now that I think about it, Halle Berre may just be the exception!

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  9.   snapdrag44 says:
    Posted: 27 Apr 09

    Mr Elliot I feel a very negative vibe from you. Is it really this deep? I have been dating out of my race for most of my life. I have been married once to a blackman. It did not work out and it had nothing to do with his color. I made myself date blackmen for awhile because I thought something was wrong. Well I have come to realize, this sista' fine. I prefer white men and they prefer me. It has always been a natural attraction. I see many "testers" on this site and that will always be. The only thing I forced was not being me.

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  10.   hazelpride says:
    Posted: 27 Apr 09

    Wow, thanks Dave that was an eye opener for me. There are so many theories coming up, and I truly believe the one you brought about on being attracted but do not act on the attraction. Wow I am learning a lot. Also learning that being dark skninned attracts certain WM never really saw it that way I always thought the light skinned BW got all the glory. Weird world.

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  11.   Glock says:
    Posted: 27 Apr 09

    I don't think they are talking in terms of entitlement but rather in terms interest. They are asking to find out why white men don't approach them versus approaching dark women. I personally don't have a clue as to why a white man would not approach you. But yes you're right this is a capitalistic society (of course that is debatable, and topic for another blog) and things are competative. However, some women prefer the old fashioned tradition of having the man approach them instead of women doing the approaching. I don't have a problem either way but understand and respect that some women like the man to step up. I respect anyone who can hold on to their values regardless of what's happening around them.

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  12.   M.Elliot says:
    Posted: 27 Apr 09

    I am frequently reading on this particular blog that the women feel a sense of entitlement regarding the fact that they should be approahed by men. Ladies we live in a capitalist soiety fueled by competition not just in our economics, but virtually in every aspect of our life. I will not deny that their use to be a time when women might wait for a gentleman they were intered in getting toknow to approach them. However, times have changed and going after what you want ie..."acting in yor own self interest" is the name of the game. If their was a lucrative dream job opening that you desired at a prominent company would you pin your ears back and go after the job or wait for the company to seek you out?I should hope one would not choose the second choice or you might be waiting an awful long time. Appyling that hypothetical to dating good men and women are a rare and lucrative group in the dating pool. Therefore, if you are seeking a mate you have to be just as aggressive as all your counterparts in essense "in the dating pool when individuals act in their own best in theget the man or woman they desire". Ladies, worrying about the fact that you had to approach him instead of him approaching you does not really matter if you two are married and still in love 10 years later. Many women are beginning to catch on to the idea of going after what they want and are getting the guy that they want. As for those ladies who think that they can compete in a competitive market of dating without making the necessary changes to be competitive with their competition it is quite simple...you may get a man, but it will not be the man you wanted it will be the men hat are leftover. In closing, if you see what you want get up and go after it and most likely you will get it. Or to go torah, "G-d only helps those who first help themselves" and nobody ever helped themselves by sittting around waiting.

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  13.   chellebelle6 says:
    Posted: 27 Apr 09

    NoPlayer... I don't believe we're uncomfortable in our own skin. I totally agree, people like what they like. For Example, I was attracted to very dark black men and it seemed as if they were the ones equally attracted to me. But as I've grown older, the importance of outward appearance has diminished. But, I noticed as with all the other women on this blog that it wasn't as easy as I thought to cross racial barriers. I think most not all are uncomfortable with the unknown. I also believe that their are plenty of good BM that respect and cherish BW... I just don't want to limit myself to one race of men anymore. It's through sites and blogs like this, I grow and understand. I'm also comforted by comments from starthai, salsera77, butterfly353 and canjamgirl. I also appreciate all the feedback from WM.

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  14.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 27 Apr 09

    I find it crazy that such intelligent and attractive women are running around trying to figure out why they're not being approached by certain men. If you're thinking I'm I too dark, am I too thick, or whatever the case is, it could be that you're not comfortable in your own skin? What one man does'nt like another one loves and besides, I thought IR dating has about exercising options but from what I read many women have zoomed and locked in on one ethnic group. If someone has a certain racial preference, would it be uncommon for them to have other physical preference as well, for example; body type, height skin complexion and the list goes on. I worked with a guy from Denmark and he only dated dark skinned black women, with and African, Hispanic, Carribean or thick Southern U.S. accents. This goes to show that people like what they like and even preferences are'nt set in concrete. Take myself for example for years I only dated BW from the south, I liked them dark & thick and top heavy for extra measure! LOL I was station in the Army in Germany and I still only dated BW (seriously)but five almost six years later I started dating a German woman of Polish ancestry and three years later we got married and we now have two children, 3 and 8 years old. You can believe what you want about so-called preferences but your heart will have the final say so and if you fail to follow your heart you'll be the loser in the end and life will go on. As I've always said," receive love from where you find it!" Peace

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  15.   HoopDream44 says:
    Posted: 27 Apr 09

    Bring on all the sexy light-skinned women, I'll date you!

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  16.   HoopDream44 says:
    Posted: 27 Apr 09

    I have noticed that a certain very beautiful light-skinned lady is wondering why white men feel that women of her skin tone don't get approached as often as dark-skinned black women. Canjamgirl, I am here to tell you that white men think light-skinned black women are the sexiest type of black women on the planet. I don't know about anyone else, but I have noticed that it seems that light-skinned women feel that black people look at them as not being black enough so they want to justify their "black-ness" by dating a brother who is darker than they are. My question is even if people think of a light-skinned girl as being close to white, is being white that horrible that a girl has to hold her self back from a great white dude just to satisfy her race by dating a dark-skinned brother? I'm proud to be white, and I'm not ashamed of it one bit. Oh yeah, canjamgirl, you are very sexy and I would be glad to date you.

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  17.   salsera77 says:
    Posted: 27 Apr 09

    Canjamgirl, that's sad and you are right. The notion that light skinned women are less approachable makes NO SENSE to me either. That just sounds like an excuse for having been rejected by a few light skinned women and then casting that aspersion on all light skinned women. Of course we know it's not true. Wish more WM would weigh in with their preferences.

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  18.   canjamgirl says:
    Posted: 27 Apr 09

    Thank you for all your comments. This discussion has been quite enlightening and I'm glad I found a great forum for it.

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  19.   chellebelle6 says:
    Posted: 27 Apr 09

    Wow!! This so enlightening! I agree with so many of the responses... I had often wondered why white men didn't approach me the way black men did. I just thought black men were more aggressive and confident in their approach. I thought white men weren't attracted to me and I didn't want to get my feelings hurt with rejection. lol I also find it funny that white men are surprised that I've never dated outside my race. It feels good going outside the box! :)

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  20.   laugh_sailor says:
    Posted: 27 Apr 09

    Eek! I meant starthai on that last post! Sorry!

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  21.   laugh_sailor says:
    Posted: 27 Apr 09

    Yes, Canjamgirl, that's how I feel. Thanks for understanding my sometimes tortured writing. I love language and play with it perhaps just a little too much.

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  22.   starthai says:
    Posted: 27 Apr 09

    Thank you glock!

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  23.   starthai says:
    Posted: 27 Apr 09

    Ivorycelt, Just read your comment and you have a great and true insight.

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  24.   Glock says:
    Posted: 27 Apr 09

    Starthai, I knew what you meant.

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  25.   starthai says:
    Posted: 27 Apr 09

    Canjamgirl, If I'm not mistaken laugh_sailor is stating a black women is a black women to him, no matter what shade.

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  26.   starthai says:
    Posted: 27 Apr 09

    M.Elliot, I do apologize, I'm not here to entertain you. I'm quite certain you know where I was going with that.

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  27.   maryebony73 says:
    Posted: 26 Apr 09

    Sorry for the last post, I believe it’s not that you are to fair of a dark-skinned woman, I’m seeing a pattern of attraction to darker women. All shades of African American women are very beautiful. It’s a choice of their liken, so I wouldn't really take it personal. if any, it help weed out those you can be more focus on. I have hands down excepted that I am attracted to White Men. Any thoughts?

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  28.   maryebony73 says:
    Posted: 26 Apr 09

    I believe it's not that you are to fair of a dark-skinned woman, I'm seeing a pattern of attraction to darker women. All shades of African American women are very beautiful. It's a choice of their liken, so i would really take it personal. if any, it help weed out those you can be more focus on. I have hands down excepted that I am attracted to White Men. Any thoughts?

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  29.   laugh_sailor says:
    Posted: 26 Apr 09

    Canjamgirl - Nah. Pardon my silliness, there - I really do look at a black woman's skin in beautiful wonder, regardless of shade, which always seems to be just right for that gal. The features I look for initially and place the most importance in are the happiness and natural qualities of her smile - Is she smiling with her eyes and easily happy with her face? Yours is quite beautiful and thanks for the smile you've given me!

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  30.   canjamgirl says:
    Posted: 26 Apr 09

    Glock - thank you for the compliment, you're a rarer breed than you know. Butterfly you're definitely not alone, my girlfriends and I have tried and tested this phenomenon more times than we wish to admit. A White girlfriend of mine who dates Black men actually told me that the White men that she's spoken to about it have said that the lighter skinned women are less approachable than darker skinned women? That makes absolutely NO SENSE to me!! Okay Sailor, am I to understand it that you're a part of the 'Black-er is More Beautiful' Phenomenon?

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  31.   laugh_sailor says:
    Posted: 26 Apr 09

    Physical features largely determine attraction to me. Skintone is like choosing a chocolate in an assortment, leaving me like a dog with two bones, unable to decide which to pick up first. Of course, they're the finest Swiss-made chocolate bones and I don't slobber much at all for a dog.

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  32.   REDRAIN says:
    Posted: 26 Apr 09

    I see it is all about control. People that tell OTHER people who they should or should not be with, obviously have a need to control other people's lives. Its annoying, its like having a stalker following you or harassing you. Strangers telling strangers who they should date or be in love with is very sick.

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  33.   M.Elliot says:
    Posted: 26 Apr 09

    Starthai, Yous wrote, "and if your not attracted to a certian groups mentality, why deal with it, just because" could you expound upon that statement a bit. There is a degree of ambiguity regarding a certain groups mentality and what exactly this "certain group" has made you deal with.

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  34.   Glock says:
    Posted: 26 Apr 09

    Canjamgirl, don't know what the problem is, you're HOT. I wouldn't have a problem with you. There is nothing about you that make you "less receptive" in my eyes than any other black woman.

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  35.   butterfly353 says:
    Posted: 26 Apr 09

    Canjamgirl, thank God I'm not the only one this has gone on with! May be I need to invest in a tanning bed! When that guy said that to me I tried not to let it bother me but it did. It also made me think about the whole interracial scene. What do guys really want?

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  36.   canjamgirl says:
    Posted: 26 Apr 09

    PLEASE, can any of you White men weigh in on why a lighter-skinned black sister can't get any any air play with you White men? Is the perception real that if a woman isn't dark skinned then you don't feel that you've gone black enough? I happen to live in Canada so Salsera, it's not any better on this side of the border. I'm surrounded by interracial couples in the city where I live and it's the same picture: beautiful ebony skins tones with White men. I honestly don't think that White men see all the other beautiful shades of Black. I'm trying to understand whether it's something that we "the others" are giving off that makes us less attractive or less receptive in the eyes of White men. I have quite a few fairer skinned friends that are interested in dating White men but when we frequent predominantly White establishments, if there isn't a darker toned sister in the bunch, the White guys will look but won't engage? What's up with that?

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  37.   jrlocks33 says:
    Posted: 26 Apr 09

    I find this an interesting subject but more so the responses that have been written... I was in a common-law relationship with a white man for 11 years which actually was the first inter-racial relationship that I engaged in. i remember in the early 90's getting the stares from BM and ironically these were BM who themselves only dated WW (because "BW are too argumentative and aggressive"). I remember the initial feelings of shame for abandoning (so-to-speak) my race... But soon got over the feeling... Reaching the level of matuarity that I am on now I realize the perfect person for me is the one that treats me right! It doesn't matter what race because a "dog" is a dog in any color the only difference is in the way they choose to dog you out... I think it is more so an individuals perception of what they are getting from a certain race in part due to the way society depicts that race. As for Nikkiboxer's comment I have to say that if you don't outline what your looking for in life you will never get it so I agree to that extent! But to close yourself off from someone because they were not looking for you initially closes the doors to many opportunities... So you shouldn't hold it against some1 for putting Asian b4 Black... I applaud those who can articulate without reservation their preferences because that is the first thing I look for on their page and when I see that I am not in their preferene category, I move on! This way neither one of us wastes our time... But if you go on my page you will see my "preferences". Although I don't limit myself to them, they are simply "preferences"! With that being said I am still not limited because I am in communication with more White Men here than black! & I am definitely open to all possibilities whatever the color! This comment is for Beautifulone... I think when it comes to inter-racial dating their is a stigma associated with black women dating outside of their race and most of it (from MY experience) comes from the black men but even more so when their is a "successful" sister who is attached to a non-black male... FYI BM there are a lot of black women out there just dying to meet a BM who is ready to offer up the same package of love, respect, support, FRIENDSHIP, and understanding that is being offered by another race! I find it interesting though that while a lot of BW and WM have commented on this blog only 1 BM did! To that I say props to you my brotha! It is so nice for this BW to get a BM perspective on things. I find that for me a lot of my dating confusion stems from not knowing what it is a BM is really thinking....

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  38.   starthai says:
    Posted: 26 Apr 09

    I agree with alot of the comments on here, especially beautifulone, hazelpride, laugh_sailor, glock and salsera. As for me I'm so tired of folks wanting me to explain why I prefer to date white men, and then endeavor to undermine my desire for white men. My mind won't change. I don't believe in one last try, if it didn't work before why keep trying and if your not attracted to a certian groups mentality, why deal with it, just because. That's insanity. The "pink elephant" comment is on point too. I prefer someone who likes to work out or keep themselves healthy in other ways. I fell off for a minute and became 25 lbs overweight ( shown in one of my pictures), but that was as far as it would go. I never really had to work out, even after my son, but now I know I'm capable of gaining weight and hit the gym as much as I can. It's not hard to not eat in between meals or if so eating fruits you like, you can still eat what you want just monitor the calorie intake and exercise at least 3 times a week. It feels good! Sidenote: Hazelpride you are workin that haircolor girl! To thedude07: "But, I found this out because I date black women, other women asians,white and hispanic women get mad. I dont know why and really dont care, I find it quite humorous" I'm not surprised at all a man (especially a white man) displaying industrial melanism, supposedly have issues to many. It shows there are more folks part of the problem ( in a subtle way).

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  39.   salsera77 says:
    Posted: 26 Apr 09

    Lolol. That's funny. A black man (upset with me for my preferences) wrote me that I should move to Canada because I'm not dark enough for USA whites. Lololol. I laugh that kinda stuff off. Laugh Sailor, Yes, it's a pink elephant indeed and I thought it needed to be addressed. Thanks for your needed input.

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  40.   butterfly353 says:
    Posted: 26 Apr 09

    I have a comment that you guys may or may not have heard before. I was told that I wasn't BLACK ENOUGH! A guy said he only dated black women and because I was so fair I wasn't a "true" black woman! I was at a crossroads of how I should respond to this person so I took the high road; I ignored him! So do white guys find the richer skin tones more attractive?

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  41.   thedude07 says:
    Posted: 26 Apr 09

    Oh,we do? I guess you did not see my profile. I'm a equal opportunity dater. I date all women. But, I found this out because I date black women, other women asians,white and hispanic women get mad. I dont know why and really dont care, I find it quite humorous. So, I prefer black women. I found that they are easier to communicate and approachable.

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  42.   Glock says:
    Posted: 26 Apr 09

    M. Elliott, I would say that girl in your example meets the description (i.e., physical social characteristics), of what you would be looking for. So yes you would have to make a decision of what you wanted to do in that situation. However, generally speaking people here at this site or any other site looking for people of an "opposite" race are specifically attracted to people of a particular race for whatever reason. I prefer black women, doesn't mean that I won't date someone who is bi-racial. I'm am drawn to the physical attractiveness of black women, then the personality, then how well she has her life in order. If one of these is out of whack, then I know it won't work for me. The whole Holly Barry, Mariah Carry thing. This may be hard for some to understand, but I wouldn't date either one of them because of personal affairs they have had in their lives AND some statements they have made in their lifetimes. This give (me) at least, an indication of how they think. This would be a huge obstacle for me and her. So what would be the purpose of entering into a relationship with someone you ALREADY know some things about other than she's famous? Being famous does not mean squat to me. That doesn't equate to a good relationship, only a short one, but one you can "brag" about with your buddies. Back to the issue of racial preference. I think most people here do have a clear racial preference. I acknowledge some don't. I also think some here would or may enter into a "same" race relationship to "give it one last try" or try to be "more open minded" but still find themselves thinking of an "opposite race" man (or woman) in the midst of the relationship. There are all kinds of dating sites now. They cater to all types of individuals who are free to seek what they want. We all prefer somethings over others. Dating is one of those endeavors we are free to seek whatever we want.

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  43.   BrownB09 says:
    Posted: 26 Apr 09

    To Salsera, I agree that the weight is an issue for many black women. Being from a family where most of the women are overweight, I understand that this is a sensitive subject and I commend you for addressing it! Well as a teen I was overweight and it was really hard, I felt like nobody liked me and I felt like an outsider. My cousins and aunts would say, girl youre beautiful or youre not even that big! Through the years I had been obsessed with losing weight and Id be lying if I didnt say that I wanted the same attention that the skinny girls were getting; I wanted the body of a model. Now Ive learned to accept and love myself no matter what, but at the same time, I choose to live a healthier lifestyle for my good health and more importantly, I want my children to grow up leading a healthy lifestyle. It was really hard at first but as time goes on it gets easier!

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  44.   laugh_sailor says:
    Posted: 26 Apr 09

    Salsera - You brought up one of those "pink elephants in the room:" Everyone knows it but only the brave acknowledge it. From my perspective, a seriously overweight woman is one of the quickest turn-offs. In western white culture, "phat" is not generally seen as attractive. That's not to say there are not white men who don't like overweight women - Just that generally there's not many who do. I'm also not saying that blacks like or generally praise being overweight or anything silly, so please don't be offended or read more into this than intended. Self-improvement can be tough but this is one area that can be dramatically improved in a year and once started, gets easier to continue improving. If a gal's overweight and not having success dating, that's the first thing I'd recommend. We all want healthy mates and, of course, there's many benefits to that.

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  45.   salsera77 says:
    Posted: 26 Apr 09

    To answer the original questions directly: Do you think White people influence the composition of interracial dating in the U.S.? Somewhat Do racial stereotypes as portrayed by the media influence racial preference and choice in the internet dating scene? Yes, on mainstream internet dating sites. There are other influences too: family and peer pressures, no deeper personal experiences with other races (only superficial), country history. What other factors could be making Black women and Asian men the least preferred groups? If one believes this study then my answer is for the USA only not for Europe and Canada. Ok. For many (not all) Black women... maybe weight is a concern. I can't answer for Asian men.

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  46.   hazelpride says:
    Posted: 26 Apr 09

    M Elliot, I would like to think you are taking too much to heart, things that should not be offence and making it just that. I totally disagree with your line of thought regarding dating a chosen preference. We are all adults and by now should be able to understand and appreciate why we are attracted to a certain ethnic group. It is unfortunate that it bothers you that much. Yes I do agree just focusing on one ethnic group kind of limits one's chances but that is a choice we have to face. There are so many reasons why people are attracted to a certain ethnic group and unfortunately some of these reasons or attributes are not shared within other ethnic groups. Really it's nothing personal, it's just the way it is (well for me)

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  47.   laugh_sailor says:
    Posted: 26 Apr 09

    One factor I've repeatedly seen in online dating racial segregation is the search engines: They typically (at least for me as a white male) come up with white females, followed by hispanics and asians but only rarely blacks. When I specify blacks, suddenly, there they are! I've tested this by reducing the search to tight characteristics (not specifying race) and have come up with the same results: Black women at the end of the choices for me, if even presented at all. I'm simply guessing people complained about being given a racial mix they didn't want and the search algorithm was changed: Who knows? I've found black women on other sites receptive to me, as they are in public and have often found the same women on various sites. I do have to specify my racial preference, though, or I'd never see you. One compounding factor is this site's wonderful responsiveness and the almost complete non-responsiveness of just about any other site to administrative challenges. If I write about something here, it's promptly and courteously handled and I'm given a nice note in response - The others? It's like shouting into a storm drain! I've complained to several sites about this but have had no response. Perhaps if we consistently write about this, the policies will change. I think we're such a small minority (interracial daters) that we're simply neglected in favor of the vast majority of their customers. M.Elliot - Thanks for keeping things on track with your much needed and lucid explanation of race vs. culture. I don't, however, appreciate the beauty of black women from some form of racial self-dislike or other negative cause... That's an argument taken just a wee bit too far. Butterfly and Superlite - You're quite right: I had a lovely conversation with a very pretty black lass the other day at lunch and it started with a smile and a look in the eye.

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  48.   M.Elliot says:
    Posted: 26 Apr 09

    Hypothetically, lets suppose I am an African American Male who is only attracted to and only wishes to date European American women. I have never dated women within my race and nor have I ever purported to wish to date women within my race because I only find European American women attractive. In summarizing some of the other post I feel safer with European American women, I like the fact that European American women are willing to confront me, I feel that my conversations flow easier ith European American women, and that we generally share more common interest than women of my particular race. While at an art gala show I happen to meet a woman named Rachel who appears to fit the physical description ethnically of a European American woman. After several hours of enjoyable conversation with Rachel we mutually decide to link up for dinner tomorrow night. After several weeks of dating Rachel and I agree that we mutually like each other and enter into a serious dating relationship. During Christmas Rachel invites me to visit her family in New Orleans and I agree. Upon arrival at the airport we are greeted by people who appear to fit the physical description ethnically of African American. Rachel introduces me this group to me as her biological family and explains to me that her great great great grandmother was a European American Woman and although her brothers and sisters along with her mother physically appear to be African Americans the Rachel along with her mothers sister Aunt Anna both recessive trait genes of her great great grandmother who was European American. Therefore, I have discovered at the airport that my girlfriend is in-fact not European American as I prefer to date, but in-fact African American. Pursuant to Nikkiboxers stance in which she only wishes to engage in romantic relationship with European American men she would sever the healthy relationship because her boyfriend is not Ethnically European American, but African American. To choose not to enter into a relationship with someone based on their Ethnicity, or like the aforementioned hypothetical sever a healthy relationship because you discover your boyfriend/girlfriend ethnicity does not comport with your approved race dating list is in itself a negative racially motivated action. I seriously doubt any man wishing to date an African American woman would turn away Holly Berry or Mariah Carey because they are the product of an interracial marriage or relationship between a European American and African American. I also doubt that any man would resist some of the beautiful women from Aboriginal women from Australia or Asian women from the Philippines and other parts of Asian. Both of aforementioned share many of the same physical aesthetic and skin complexion attributes of African American women, but are in fact not African American. Moreover, I seriously doubt that Nikkiboxer or any woman sharing her opinion on this site would cease and desist to date Derrick Jeter (New York Yankee) (who is a product of an African American and European American marriage) because they find out he is half African American and not the majority of European American. Finally, I doubt that any woman seeking to only date European American men would turn down a date from Movie Star Keanu Reeves. However. . . Those women in line with racial dating preference ideology like Beautifulone would be forced to decline the invitation of a man she would more likely than not find attractive because Keanu Reeves is not European American and as many of Beautifulone so clearly intimated “ILIKE WHAT I LIKE” and as Nikkboxers so clearly stated it her profile “I KNOW WHAT I WANT AND IT IS CLEARLY STATED IN MY PROFILE”. Therefore, I am sure both ladies would in a nice way explain to Keanu Reeves that they are sorry but will have to decline because he is not “European American”. So what is Keanu Reeves Keanu Reeves was born in Lebanon. He is one-quarter Chinese, one-quarter Hawaiian, half-English, and a Canadian citizen. He attended four high schools, playing hockey and soccer before dropping out at 17. He was raised in Hawaii, Australia, New York, and Canada, where he did his first professional acting. His name comes from a Hawaiian word loosely translated as "cool breeze over the mountains". Lol sorry ladies scratch him of your list. Or perhaps stop take a deep breath, exhale and consider that the Keanu Reeves example might have forced you to reconsider your boxed in stance on interracial dating. An perhaps open up your minds to the unlimited possibilities that love has not Ethnic color. A good man or woman to love can be found in all Ethnicities not a chosen few we call preferences.

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  49.   BrownB09 says:
    Posted: 25 Apr 09

    I argee that people need to look past stereotypes and look at people as individuals. What I said before in another posting (I dont know what happened to it) but I was talking about the stereotype where black women are perceived as drama filled and loud, I say this because alot of posting that I see of white men who prefer to date black women say please if you like drama or if you are ghetto,LOL please dont waste your time. This I find highly annoying! Most of the men I encounter I dont think mean anything by it but I ask myself, is that how they feel about black women? Its crazy, let me tell you, I dont like drama, Im allergic to it. I choose not to get caught up. And some of the stereotypes I hear about asian men, they are small, they like tp control their woman, its a whole bunch of BS. I have friends who refuse to date outside their race because of some nonsense they hear from somebody else who is miserable or *ss backwards, LOL I just tell them, you dont know what youre missing!

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  50.   beautifulOne says:
    Posted: 25 Apr 09

    It would be nice to have a man give his respect to any woman who seeks the man that is serious and wants to be happy. Regardless of the chosen man's ethnic background. You would'nt believe the amount of hate messages I receive from black men expressing how could I "ever" think of being with a white man and that they can change my mind and convince me to stay away from white men. All I can say is that I have eyes for men that are of the Caucasian persuasion. I like what I like. I hope more white can become fearless and ask that attractive African-American lady out on a date, your answer may be in your favor. ;)

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