Study: Racial stereotypes in online dating
I once asked you guys in an earlier post: “Do dating sites encourage racial prejudice?” Well, a UC Irvine study claims that online daters have a tendency of observing racial stereotypes while seeking potential mates.
The researchers analyzed Yahoo personals and found that White men prefer Asian and Hispanic women to African American women as dating partners. White women on the other hand have a preference for African American and Hispanic men as opposed to Asian men. Asians, Blacks and Latinos were more inclined to include White people as possible mates than White people were to include them. White people seem to be the most preferred race when it comes to interracial dating.
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Cynthia Feliciano, one of the researchers and UCI assistant professor of sociology and Chicano/Latino studies, pegs the above preference findings on negative portrayals of Black women and Asian men by the media – on TV, in movies and music. "Stereotypical images of masculinity and femininity shape dating choices and continue to be perpetuated in the mass media," said Feliciano, "The hyper-feminine image of Asian American women contrasts greatly with the image of Asian men, who are often portrayed as asexual."
At the same time, the image of the strong Black woman, portrayed negatively by media as bossiness, is pegged against the idealized notions of submissive and frail women; which kinda explains why they were the least preferred choice of mate. This study on internet dating shows how race still plays into the selection of a partner.
Having been dubbed the 'dominant race' and being the most preferred racial group (according to the study), do you think White people influence the composition of interracial dating in the U.S.? Do racial stereotypes as portrayed by the media influence racial preference and choice in the internet dating scene? What other factors could be making Black women and Asian men the least preferred groups?
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270 responses to "Study: Racial stereotypes in online dating"
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starthai says:Posted: 27 Apr 09
Ivorycelt, Just read your comment and you have a great and true insight.
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starthai says:Posted: 27 Apr 09
Canjamgirl, If I'm not mistaken laugh_sailor is stating a black women is a black women to him, no matter what shade.
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starthai says:Posted: 27 Apr 09
M.Elliot, I do apologize, I'm not here to entertain you. I'm quite certain you know where I was going with that.
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maryebony73 says:Posted: 26 Apr 09Sorry for the last post, I believe it’s not that you are to fair of a dark-skinned woman, I’m seeing a pattern of attraction to darker women. All shades of African American women are very beautiful. It’s a choice of their liken, so I wouldn't really take it personal. if any, it help weed out those you can be more focus on. I have hands down excepted that I am attracted to White Men. Any thoughts?
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maryebony73 says:Posted: 26 Apr 09
I believe it's not that you are to fair of a dark-skinned woman, I'm seeing a pattern of attraction to darker women. All shades of African American women are very beautiful. It's a choice of their liken, so i would really take it personal. if any, it help weed out those you can be more focus on. I have hands down excepted that I am attracted to White Men. Any thoughts?
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laugh_sailor says:Posted: 26 Apr 09
Canjamgirl - Nah. Pardon my silliness, there - I really do look at a black woman's skin in beautiful wonder, regardless of shade, which always seems to be just right for that gal. The features I look for initially and place the most importance in are the happiness and natural qualities of her smile - Is she smiling with her eyes and easily happy with her face? Yours is quite beautiful and thanks for the smile you've given me!
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canjamgirl says:Posted: 26 Apr 09
Glock - thank you for the compliment, you're a rarer breed than you know. Butterfly you're definitely not alone, my girlfriends and I have tried and tested this phenomenon more times than we wish to admit. A White girlfriend of mine who dates Black men actually told me that the White men that she's spoken to about it have said that the lighter skinned women are less approachable than darker skinned women? That makes absolutely NO SENSE to me!! Okay Sailor, am I to understand it that you're a part of the 'Black-er is More Beautiful' Phenomenon?
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laugh_sailor says:Posted: 26 Apr 09
Physical features largely determine attraction to me. Skintone is like choosing a chocolate in an assortment, leaving me like a dog with two bones, unable to decide which to pick up first. Of course, they're the finest Swiss-made chocolate bones and I don't slobber much at all for a dog.
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REDRAIN says:Posted: 26 Apr 09
I see it is all about control. People that tell OTHER people who they should or should not be with, obviously have a need to control other people's lives. Its annoying, its like having a stalker following you or harassing you. Strangers telling strangers who they should date or be in love with is very sick.
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M.Elliot says:Posted: 26 Apr 09Starthai, Yous wrote, "and if your not attracted to a certian groups mentality, why deal with it, just because" could you expound upon that statement a bit. There is a degree of ambiguity regarding a certain groups mentality and what exactly this "certain group" has made you deal with.
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Glock says:Posted: 26 Apr 09
Canjamgirl, don't know what the problem is, you're HOT. I wouldn't have a problem with you. There is nothing about you that make you "less receptive" in my eyes than any other black woman.
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butterfly353 says:Posted: 26 Apr 09Canjamgirl, thank God I'm not the only one this has gone on with! May be I need to invest in a tanning bed! When that guy said that to me I tried not to let it bother me but it did. It also made me think about the whole interracial scene. What do guys really want?
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canjamgirl says:Posted: 26 Apr 09
PLEASE, can any of you White men weigh in on why a lighter-skinned black sister can't get any any air play with you White men? Is the perception real that if a woman isn't dark skinned then you don't feel that you've gone black enough? I happen to live in Canada so Salsera, it's not any better on this side of the border. I'm surrounded by interracial couples in the city where I live and it's the same picture: beautiful ebony skins tones with White men. I honestly don't think that White men see all the other beautiful shades of Black. I'm trying to understand whether it's something that we "the others" are giving off that makes us less attractive or less receptive in the eyes of White men. I have quite a few fairer skinned friends that are interested in dating White men but when we frequent predominantly White establishments, if there isn't a darker toned sister in the bunch, the White guys will look but won't engage? What's up with that?
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jrlocks33 says:Posted: 26 Apr 09
I find this an interesting subject but more so the responses that have been written... I was in a common-law relationship with a white man for 11 years which actually was the first inter-racial relationship that I engaged in. i remember in the early 90's getting the stares from BM and ironically these were BM who themselves only dated WW (because "BW are too argumentative and aggressive"). I remember the initial feelings of shame for abandoning (so-to-speak) my race... But soon got over the feeling... Reaching the level of matuarity that I am on now I realize the perfect person for me is the one that treats me right! It doesn't matter what race because a "dog" is a dog in any color the only difference is in the way they choose to dog you out... I think it is more so an individuals perception of what they are getting from a certain race in part due to the way society depicts that race. As for Nikkiboxer's comment I have to say that if you don't outline what your looking for in life you will never get it so I agree to that extent! But to close yourself off from someone because they were not looking for you initially closes the doors to many opportunities... So you shouldn't hold it against some1 for putting Asian b4 Black... I applaud those who can articulate without reservation their preferences because that is the first thing I look for on their page and when I see that I am not in their preferene category, I move on! This way neither one of us wastes our time... But if you go on my page you will see my "preferences". Although I don't limit myself to them, they are simply "preferences"! With that being said I am still not limited because I am in communication with more White Men here than black! & I am definitely open to all possibilities whatever the color! This comment is for Beautifulone... I think when it comes to inter-racial dating their is a stigma associated with black women dating outside of their race and most of it (from MY experience) comes from the black men but even more so when their is a "successful" sister who is attached to a non-black male... FYI BM there are a lot of black women out there just dying to meet a BM who is ready to offer up the same package of love, respect, support, FRIENDSHIP, and understanding that is being offered by another race! I find it interesting though that while a lot of BW and WM have commented on this blog only 1 BM did! To that I say props to you my brotha! It is so nice for this BW to get a BM perspective on things. I find that for me a lot of my dating confusion stems from not knowing what it is a BM is really thinking....
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starthai says:Posted: 26 Apr 09
I agree with alot of the comments on here, especially beautifulone, hazelpride, laugh_sailor, glock and salsera. As for me I'm so tired of folks wanting me to explain why I prefer to date white men, and then endeavor to undermine my desire for white men. My mind won't change. I don't believe in one last try, if it didn't work before why keep trying and if your not attracted to a certian groups mentality, why deal with it, just because. That's insanity. The "pink elephant" comment is on point too. I prefer someone who likes to work out or keep themselves healthy in other ways. I fell off for a minute and became 25 lbs overweight ( shown in one of my pictures), but that was as far as it would go. I never really had to work out, even after my son, but now I know I'm capable of gaining weight and hit the gym as much as I can. It's not hard to not eat in between meals or if so eating fruits you like, you can still eat what you want just monitor the calorie intake and exercise at least 3 times a week. It feels good! Sidenote: Hazelpride you are workin that haircolor girl! To thedude07: "But, I found this out because I date black women, other women asians,white and hispanic women get mad. I dont know why and really dont care, I find it quite humorous" I'm not surprised at all a man (especially a white man) displaying industrial melanism, supposedly have issues to many. It shows there are more folks part of the problem ( in a subtle way).
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salsera77 says:Posted: 26 Apr 09Lolol. That's funny. A black man (upset with me for my preferences) wrote me that I should move to Canada because I'm not dark enough for USA whites. Lololol. I laugh that kinda stuff off. Laugh Sailor, Yes, it's a pink elephant indeed and I thought it needed to be addressed. Thanks for your needed input.
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butterfly353 says:Posted: 26 Apr 09
I have a comment that you guys may or may not have heard before. I was told that I wasn't BLACK ENOUGH! A guy said he only dated black women and because I was so fair I wasn't a "true" black woman! I was at a crossroads of how I should respond to this person so I took the high road; I ignored him! So do white guys find the richer skin tones more attractive?
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thedude07 says:Posted: 26 Apr 09
Oh,we do? I guess you did not see my profile. I'm a equal opportunity dater. I date all women. But, I found this out because I date black women, other women asians,white and hispanic women get mad. I dont know why and really dont care, I find it quite humorous. So, I prefer black women. I found that they are easier to communicate and approachable.
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Glock says:Posted: 26 Apr 09
M. Elliott, I would say that girl in your example meets the description (i.e., physical social characteristics), of what you would be looking for. So yes you would have to make a decision of what you wanted to do in that situation. However, generally speaking people here at this site or any other site looking for people of an "opposite" race are specifically attracted to people of a particular race for whatever reason. I prefer black women, doesn't mean that I won't date someone who is bi-racial. I'm am drawn to the physical attractiveness of black women, then the personality, then how well she has her life in order. If one of these is out of whack, then I know it won't work for me. The whole Holly Barry, Mariah Carry thing. This may be hard for some to understand, but I wouldn't date either one of them because of personal affairs they have had in their lives AND some statements they have made in their lifetimes. This give (me) at least, an indication of how they think. This would be a huge obstacle for me and her. So what would be the purpose of entering into a relationship with someone you ALREADY know some things about other than she's famous? Being famous does not mean squat to me. That doesn't equate to a good relationship, only a short one, but one you can "brag" about with your buddies. Back to the issue of racial preference. I think most people here do have a clear racial preference. I acknowledge some don't. I also think some here would or may enter into a "same" race relationship to "give it one last try" or try to be "more open minded" but still find themselves thinking of an "opposite race" man (or woman) in the midst of the relationship. There are all kinds of dating sites now. They cater to all types of individuals who are free to seek what they want. We all prefer somethings over others. Dating is one of those endeavors we are free to seek whatever we want.
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BrownB09 says:Posted: 26 Apr 09To Salsera, I agree that the weight is an issue for many black women. Being from a family where most of the women are overweight, I understand that this is a sensitive subject and I commend you for addressing it! Well as a teen I was overweight and it was really hard, I felt like nobody liked me and I felt like an outsider. My cousins and aunts would say, girl youre beautiful or youre not even that big! Through the years I had been obsessed with losing weight and Id be lying if I didnt say that I wanted the same attention that the skinny girls were getting; I wanted the body of a model. Now Ive learned to accept and love myself no matter what, but at the same time, I choose to live a healthier lifestyle for my good health and more importantly, I want my children to grow up leading a healthy lifestyle. It was really hard at first but as time goes on it gets easier!
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laugh_sailor says:Posted: 26 Apr 09
Salsera - You brought up one of those "pink elephants in the room:" Everyone knows it but only the brave acknowledge it. From my perspective, a seriously overweight woman is one of the quickest turn-offs. In western white culture, "phat" is not generally seen as attractive. That's not to say there are not white men who don't like overweight women - Just that generally there's not many who do. I'm also not saying that blacks like or generally praise being overweight or anything silly, so please don't be offended or read more into this than intended. Self-improvement can be tough but this is one area that can be dramatically improved in a year and once started, gets easier to continue improving. If a gal's overweight and not having success dating, that's the first thing I'd recommend. We all want healthy mates and, of course, there's many benefits to that.
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salsera77 says:Posted: 26 Apr 09
To answer the original questions directly: Do you think White people influence the composition of interracial dating in the U.S.? Somewhat Do racial stereotypes as portrayed by the media influence racial preference and choice in the internet dating scene? Yes, on mainstream internet dating sites. There are other influences too: family and peer pressures, no deeper personal experiences with other races (only superficial), country history. What other factors could be making Black women and Asian men the least preferred groups? If one believes this study then my answer is for the USA only not for Europe and Canada. Ok. For many (not all) Black women... maybe weight is a concern. I can't answer for Asian men.
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hazelpride says:Posted: 26 Apr 09
M Elliot, I would like to think you are taking too much to heart, things that should not be offence and making it just that. I totally disagree with your line of thought regarding dating a chosen preference. We are all adults and by now should be able to understand and appreciate why we are attracted to a certain ethnic group. It is unfortunate that it bothers you that much. Yes I do agree just focusing on one ethnic group kind of limits one's chances but that is a choice we have to face. There are so many reasons why people are attracted to a certain ethnic group and unfortunately some of these reasons or attributes are not shared within other ethnic groups. Really it's nothing personal, it's just the way it is (well for me)
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laugh_sailor says:Posted: 26 Apr 09
One factor I've repeatedly seen in online dating racial segregation is the search engines: They typically (at least for me as a white male) come up with white females, followed by hispanics and asians but only rarely blacks. When I specify blacks, suddenly, there they are! I've tested this by reducing the search to tight characteristics (not specifying race) and have come up with the same results: Black women at the end of the choices for me, if even presented at all. I'm simply guessing people complained about being given a racial mix they didn't want and the search algorithm was changed: Who knows? I've found black women on other sites receptive to me, as they are in public and have often found the same women on various sites. I do have to specify my racial preference, though, or I'd never see you. One compounding factor is this site's wonderful responsiveness and the almost complete non-responsiveness of just about any other site to administrative challenges. If I write about something here, it's promptly and courteously handled and I'm given a nice note in response - The others? It's like shouting into a storm drain! I've complained to several sites about this but have had no response. Perhaps if we consistently write about this, the policies will change. I think we're such a small minority (interracial daters) that we're simply neglected in favor of the vast majority of their customers. M.Elliot - Thanks for keeping things on track with your much needed and lucid explanation of race vs. culture. I don't, however, appreciate the beauty of black women from some form of racial self-dislike or other negative cause... That's an argument taken just a wee bit too far. Butterfly and Superlite - You're quite right: I had a lovely conversation with a very pretty black lass the other day at lunch and it started with a smile and a look in the eye.
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M.Elliot says:Posted: 26 Apr 09
Hypothetically, lets suppose I am an African American Male who is only attracted to and only wishes to date European American women. I have never dated women within my race and nor have I ever purported to wish to date women within my race because I only find European American women attractive. In summarizing some of the other post I feel safer with European American women, I like the fact that European American women are willing to confront me, I feel that my conversations flow easier ith European American women, and that we generally share more common interest than women of my particular race. While at an art gala show I happen to meet a woman named Rachel who appears to fit the physical description ethnically of a European American woman. After several hours of enjoyable conversation with Rachel we mutually decide to link up for dinner tomorrow night. After several weeks of dating Rachel and I agree that we mutually like each other and enter into a serious dating relationship. During Christmas Rachel invites me to visit her family in New Orleans and I agree. Upon arrival at the airport we are greeted by people who appear to fit the physical description ethnically of African American. Rachel introduces me this group to me as her biological family and explains to me that her great great great grandmother was a European American Woman and although her brothers and sisters along with her mother physically appear to be African Americans the Rachel along with her mothers sister Aunt Anna both recessive trait genes of her great great grandmother who was European American. Therefore, I have discovered at the airport that my girlfriend is in-fact not European American as I prefer to date, but in-fact African American. Pursuant to Nikkiboxers stance in which she only wishes to engage in romantic relationship with European American men she would sever the healthy relationship because her boyfriend is not Ethnically European American, but African American. To choose not to enter into a relationship with someone based on their Ethnicity, or like the aforementioned hypothetical sever a healthy relationship because you discover your boyfriend/girlfriend ethnicity does not comport with your approved race dating list is in itself a negative racially motivated action. I seriously doubt any man wishing to date an African American woman would turn away Holly Berry or Mariah Carey because they are the product of an interracial marriage or relationship between a European American and African American. I also doubt that any man would resist some of the beautiful women from Aboriginal women from Australia or Asian women from the Philippines and other parts of Asian. Both of aforementioned share many of the same physical aesthetic and skin complexion attributes of African American women, but are in fact not African American. Moreover, I seriously doubt that Nikkiboxer or any woman sharing her opinion on this site would cease and desist to date Derrick Jeter (New York Yankee) (who is a product of an African American and European American marriage) because they find out he is half African American and not the majority of European American. Finally, I doubt that any woman seeking to only date European American men would turn down a date from Movie Star Keanu Reeves. However. . . Those women in line with racial dating preference ideology like Beautifulone would be forced to decline the invitation of a man she would more likely than not find attractive because Keanu Reeves is not European American and as many of Beautifulone so clearly intimated “ILIKE WHAT I LIKE” and as Nikkboxers so clearly stated it her profile “I KNOW WHAT I WANT AND IT IS CLEARLY STATED IN MY PROFILE”. Therefore, I am sure both ladies would in a nice way explain to Keanu Reeves that they are sorry but will have to decline because he is not “European American”. So what is Keanu Reeves Keanu Reeves was born in Lebanon. He is one-quarter Chinese, one-quarter Hawaiian, half-English, and a Canadian citizen. He attended four high schools, playing hockey and soccer before dropping out at 17. He was raised in Hawaii, Australia, New York, and Canada, where he did his first professional acting. His name comes from a Hawaiian word loosely translated as "cool breeze over the mountains". Lol sorry ladies scratch him of your list. Or perhaps stop take a deep breath, exhale and consider that the Keanu Reeves example might have forced you to reconsider your boxed in stance on interracial dating. An perhaps open up your minds to the unlimited possibilities that love has not Ethnic color. A good man or woman to love can be found in all Ethnicities not a chosen few we call preferences.
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BrownB09 says:Posted: 25 Apr 09
I argee that people need to look past stereotypes and look at people as individuals. What I said before in another posting (I dont know what happened to it) but I was talking about the stereotype where black women are perceived as drama filled and loud, I say this because alot of posting that I see of white men who prefer to date black women say please if you like drama or if you are ghetto,LOL please dont waste your time. This I find highly annoying! Most of the men I encounter I dont think mean anything by it but I ask myself, is that how they feel about black women? Its crazy, let me tell you, I dont like drama, Im allergic to it. I choose not to get caught up. And some of the stereotypes I hear about asian men, they are small, they like tp control their woman, its a whole bunch of BS. I have friends who refuse to date outside their race because of some nonsense they hear from somebody else who is miserable or *ss backwards, LOL I just tell them, you dont know what youre missing!
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beautifulOne says:Posted: 25 Apr 09It would be nice to have a man give his respect to any woman who seeks the man that is serious and wants to be happy. Regardless of the chosen man's ethnic background. You would'nt believe the amount of hate messages I receive from black men expressing how could I "ever" think of being with a white man and that they can change my mind and convince me to stay away from white men. All I can say is that I have eyes for men that are of the Caucasian persuasion. I like what I like. I hope more white can become fearless and ask that attractive African-American lady out on a date, your answer may be in your favor. ;)
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salsera77 says:Posted: 25 Apr 09
I so agree with you butterfly353. You hit the nail on the head with the communication body language scenario. As for the Yahoo study, I think many black women and asian men here on this site could have handed in those results to the researchers ourselves. As far as gathering info from a Yahoo personals site, a Match.com site or any other site that isn't a specialty in interracial dating in regards to black women, of course you're going to come up short if you're going for interracial. Ergo, this is why we are here. Yes? I can't speak on the asian women's ads but I know that most of the white men's ads on those sites don't list that they're looking for black women.
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hazelpride says:Posted: 25 Apr 09
Well I had to comment again after reading what Superlite27 just wrote and I hope it is true that it is only about communication mix-up. I know for sure WM and BW are attracted to each other. I think there is more to it than just communication mix-up. From what a workmate (a white male friend) pointed out to me,he said having strong feeling for a sister is possible but, it will take a strong person to defy the norms of their society. BW are not quite represented well by media so most WM take it as they read it. Like Glock said when you start going out the tension is so thick you need more than an attitude adjustment to handle such a change. It is the change that some people are not willing to take, as it will change their lives forever. Some people are not strong enough to make the change. Hence, the reason why this site seems to prosper, it makes it possible for some people to reach out in the comfort of their homes their desired attraction, yet in my opinion this site solves just one problem the acqisition of possible dates yet for some they still need to address their problem/fears of dating outside their race. (some still have them) especially us the first timers, and we bring along with it the racial prejudice that we have read and seen through the media and in so doing maybe subotage our chances of finding a possible mate.
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butterfly353 says:Posted: 25 Apr 09
P.S. This works great for us females to do as well! The guys need to see they are in your radar!!! Good luck, and god Bless you all in your journey.
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butterfly353 says:Posted: 25 Apr 09
I too have noticed the number of white guys that have interest in us black women but are afraid to apporach. I have news for all you guys who are afraid to approach! Take a deep breath and go for it! We are intersted too! its a breaking of the ice situation. Somebody has got to make the first move or the communication wont start. Give us a wink, a smile, maybe a "How are you doing?" When you make eye contact hold it a little longer. but above all SMILE, SMILE, SMILE!!!!
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WiseChoice says:Posted: 25 Apr 09
--No disrespect intended, to any of my other brothers and sisters of any race. Please forgive any unintended offense. Thanks. WC
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WiseChoice says:Posted: 25 Apr 09
Hello. Thank you for the opportunity to share, vent and express. Presumably, we are here to share our unique views in an effort to form a clear understanding? I'm new to this site, and am not a full member yet,..so if you contact me about my views, please write me a message, so I can REPLY.. which I will be happy to do. I am a minister. I am a pastor of a church in the middle of the HOOD in Los Angeles. I know all about prejudice, fear, resentment and all the other stuff that makes up the hood. I am here by CHOICE! I moved out of (what other people would call "nice" surroundings... in order to help people. I am NOT "religious" in the traditional sense. I am into PEOPLE. People of all colors, shapes, sizes and ages, backgrounds and lifestyles. I don't care about all that. But I definitely DO CARE about PEOPLE. Yet,...I have my preferences too; based on my own set of characteristics which make me unique also. I agree with some of the comments by Mr.GLOCK. I too, prefer BLACK women! No other "color" is as attractive to me. Is that prejudice on my part? It's just that I feel "safe" with a black woman.... something about you black women that just bring out the best in me... you make me comfortable. When I am with YOU,... I feel complete as a man,...and I just don't get the same feeling of satisfaction... from any other group of people. I truly LOVE you. I don't WANT to belong to any other woman than a BLACK woman. That's just how I am. I can't help it, ... and wouldn't --even if I could. If you take the BLACK WOMEN out of the world,... Take me wherever you took THEM. I LOVE BLACK women and want to be MARRIED .. only to a BLACK woman. Does that make me prejudice? Okay. Let's say it does. So What??? !!! I like JETS more than PROP-PLANES. I like BLACK COFFEE more than SODA. I like LAMB more than BEEF. Does that mean some university is going to rate my preferences in terms of "prejudice" on a scale of one-to-one hundred? Of course they will!! They want GRANT-MONEY !! (Who's kidding who??) But do I care about all that? NO! Hell, NO!!!! Just give me my BLACK WOMAN and cut the crap!!! I have people to help. Where's MY university grant for THAT? See you on SUNDAY!! This fox-tail preacher is gonna feed the flock "REAL"...NOT "RELIGION". BLACK women are the most BEAUTIFUL people on EARTH!!! Now, folks,..THAT'S "PREJUDICE"!!! ..AND..I don't give a flying-DAMN!! Just gimmee a jet, black coffee, and an intelligent BLACK WOMAN ! See Ya SUNDAY !! Respectfully yours(sort-of, lol) WiseChoice Ph.D, TH.D., D.Min., ED.D., D.D. (and all the other crap).
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ivorycelt says:Posted: 25 Apr 09Quote "At the same time, the image of the strong Black woman, portrayed negatively by media as bossiness, is pegged against the idealized notions of submissive and frail women; which kinda explains why they were the least preferred choice of mate. This study on internet dating shows how race still plays into the selection of a partner" My comment - Have (very) often times found myself going counter mainstream culture. So maybe i am subconciously influenced (inversely) by main stream media? as above quoted. Are most men really attracted to weak submissive 'frail' female partners?? No wonder i am attracted to black. So maybe it is (in part) due to the media? Even though i dont have a TV To be honest, i have given up asking myself why. Why i am afflicted with an attraction to black when i live in a town 99.9% white! lol As for comment by Elliot - suggesting that "to say you are NOT attracted to people that share the same skin color as you is logically to say you do not find yourself attractive" - is a bit crazy. I dont think less of myself just because i am not particula;y attracted to blonde. I guess like most people reading this, we have allready defined ourselves as willing or wanting to go against/outside the accepted 'norm' - else we wouldnt be here! And with that, we all (here) have something in common. Maybe for us, the attraction to opposite colour is no different than the attraction to opposite gender, body shape, emotional language etc etc. Being confronted with opposite differences helps define and or question who we(think we) are - and in doing so offers the spiritual union/ freedom that can then come from transending the physical differences. Am generalising here, but black women seem more willing to confront their man - everyone! lol If the man cany hack it, he defends himself by calling her 'bossy' fiesty - maybe thats why he likes the 'submissive frail' woman?
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salsera77 says:Posted: 25 Apr 09
I live in one of the worst cities for interracial dating especially between BW/WM. As you can see from the study below my city is 3rd on the worst list so everybody pretty much stays within their own racial groups holding on for dear life. I'm won't state here the things I've experienced around SHOWING SIGNS OF INTEREST. I won't put that on a blog. Also sometimes I've experienced in blogs on these matters that a woman will come along and instead of being helpful in her blogging she will try to get competitive. You couldn't pay me to care about that. It suffices to say that hence the reason for some people who live in one of the worse cities for interracial dating, using an interracial site as ONLY ONE tool is a Good Thing. This is from an interracial magazine's research that I tend to believe because of the diversity and cultures of some cities and lack of in others. 10 worst/best cities for interracial dating/couples Worst 1. Birmingham, AL 2. Detroit, Mi 3. PHILADELPHIA, PA 4. Cleveland, OH 5. Atlanta, GA 6. Cincinnati, OH 7. Pittsburgh, PA 8. Jacksonville, FL 9. Memphis, TN 10. New Orleans LA Best 1. San Francisco, CA 2. Seattle, WA 3. Minneappolis, Mn (sp) 4. Denver, Co 5. Phoenix, AZ 6. San Diego, CA 7. Honolulu, HI 8. New York, NY 9. Los Angeles, CA 10. Oakland, CA I live in one of the worst cities for interacial dating especially between BW/WM. As you can see from the study below my city is 3rd on the worst list so everybody pretty much stays within their own racial groups holding on for dear life. I won't even state here the things I've experienced because sometimes a woman will come along and instead of being helpful she will try to get all competitive and you couldn't pay me to care about that. It suffices to say that hence the reason for some people who live in one of the worse cities for interracial dating, using an interracial site as only one tool is a good thing. This is from an interracial magazine's research that I tend to believe because of the diversity and cultures of some cities and lack of in others. 10 worst/best cities for interracial dating/couples Worst 1. Birmingham, AL 2. Detroit, Mi 3. Philadelphia, PA 4. Cleveland, OH 5. Atlanta, GA 6. Cincinnati, OH 7. Pittsburgh, PA 8. Jacksonville, FL 9. Memphis, TN 10. New Orleans LA Best 1. San Francisco, CA 2. Seattle, WA 3. Minneappolis, Mn (sp) 4. Denver, Co 5. Phoenix, AZ 6. San Diego, CA 7. Honolulu, HI 8. New York, NY 9. Los Angeles, CA 10. Oakland, CA
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Superlite27 says:Posted: 25 Apr 09I think, through cultural differences, we are stuck in some strange kind of communication mix-up. I can only speak through my own experience, so I can only talk about white M/black W relationships, but it's like our "signals" are getting misinterpreted. You know when you were a kid with walkie talkies? Both of you always tried to talk to each other at the same time? Since you were both pushing the button, nobody could hear each other. Well, we're both talking, but nobody can hear. I believe both white men and black women are interested, but we don't communicate this to each other in a manner that each culture can identify. When I first started dating interracially, it was hard for me to just walk up to someone of another race and say, "Hi! I'm into black girls! Wanna go out?". It just seemed too......forward. Too "gimmicky". Like I was just out for a piece of strange. So I would look for signs of interest before I made a move. I NEVER SEE ANY. I think I'm invisible to 99% of all black women. NOBODY shows any signs of interest. I can walk through a grocery store full of black women and NOT ONE will even look at me. Yet, when I speak to black women, I find they are saying the same thing about white guys. NOBODY even looks at them. Evidently, there's an interest. I'm interested. They're interested. Why can't we hear each other? I think we are BOTH expecting to see signs of interest in each other, yet NEITHER of us is showing any. I need to change my metaphor. It's like we both have walkie-talkies, but we're both listening for the other to push the button first. All we're hearing is silence. Both white men and black women need to change if they are ever going to stand a chance of meeting each other. I can't speak for black, hispanic, or asian men looking for interracial relationships because I'm unable to experience the dynamics myself. But, for white men, we need to overcome the fear of being perceived as if we're just out "experimenting" or the fear of approaching someone of a different race, or whatever our fears are, and start SHOWING SIGNS OF INTEREST. Same with black, hispanic, or asian women. You need to overcome your fears about how you will be perceived and START SHOWING SIGNS OF INTEREST. Otherwise, we're both doomed to listen to our quiet walkie-talkies.
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mlkncookys says:Posted: 25 Apr 09
Saffron and Nikkiboxers, you are both so right! I wonder why whtie men are afraid to genuinely approach a sista the way the would any other race of women? the media has really played a role in stereotypical opinions of us and it is just so unfair. White men hit on me ALL THE TIME, but in a quiet way, it seems.
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Glock says:Posted: 25 Apr 09
Nikkiboxers, when I reached adult age I knew for me that I was definately attracted to black women. But in the 80's (from what I'm told) black women got a lot of flack from family and particularly black men about dating white men. So it was rare to see (still is but not as much today). Many white men perceive black women as not interested in white men, either because of unattraction or family pressures against. I know from personal experience that the first time you date outside of your race there is a certain amount of apprehension. And with good cause (again, from my experience) you could cut the tension with a knife when you go to pick her up when she has friends or family over. Even though I could feel the tension, I didn't care. I knew where I wanted to be, and was going to be there regardless who approved or didn't.
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hazelpride says:Posted: 25 Apr 09
I totally agree with you Nikkiboxers, I have found in my opinion that some men are not so sure what they want. I feel some are kind of testing the waters, but whatever is happening I give more chance to someone who is specific with their preferance and somehow I kind of know where I stand with them. Dating alone is difficult and when it involves colour, there are many obstacles that come with it. Yes this article is right to the point, and being a black woman I have noticed that it so easy to be sidelined, yet I totally believe we have so much we can bring to the table once given the chance. No matter how we want to look at it colour will always be the deciding factor in most of the things in life even dating.
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M.Elliot says:Posted: 25 Apr 09
I really do understand what you are saying to a degree, but their is not a rational basis behind your assertion. There are 2 fundamental flaws in the premise of your argument.First, you have taken a leap in logic and said that the color of a individuals skin dictates the way an individual perceives things. You have based this preise solely on the amount of melanin in an individuals skin. So in your theory the way people perceive things is determined by race which is illogical. The way people perceive things is based on culture. An African American from Alaska will perceive things much differently than an African American from Alabama or a Londo-African. Just as a European American Texan might have very little in common or perceive thigns uch differently from a European American in manhattan New York. It is all about culture not the color of a individuals skin. I think you have confused culture with skin color and that is a very large mistake. Skin color does not dictate culture people dictate their culture. Just as Eminem the rapper lived in a trailor park home in a predominately white working class community yet he was attracted to rap music which is a genre often associated with African American. However I will remind you that although he loved rap and everything about African American culture Eminem married a European American woman which proves it is the individual that picks and chooses. I think you have somehow come to beleive that all people of a race all share the same thoughts and views and what they think and view is controlled by the color of their skin. Secondly, if you are going to argue attraction based solely on the amount of melanin produced by an individuals skin then you border on a slippery slope. Furthermore, to say you are not attracted to people that share the same skin color as you is logically to say you do not find yourself attractive. Is that really what you want to imprint on your two children.
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M.Elliot says:Posted: 24 Apr 09
I am not exactly sure I follow your comment Ms. Nikkiboxer. Because an individual wishes to date more than one ethnicity or all ethnicities would imply that that individual does not discriminate based on race when it comes to dating or finding love. To imply that it would mean that open minded men dont know what they want because they are willing to date all races does not quite make sense. Consider the following, if racism is defined as "the inability of a simpleminded person to overcome tthe complexities of difference" then a person who would only be wiling to limit their dating choices to one race is more confused than a person who does not limit their dating choices to one race. The individual who is dating all ethnicities or a few ethnicities has made significant steps towards overcoming the complexities of difference than a person who is only open to dating one particular ethnicity. Ergo, the individual who has not overcome their complexity of difference would stand to be less likely to know what they want because they are more closedminded which equal less exposure. Lastly, to the best of my knowledge the site does not list the races individual select as preferred to be contacted by in any specific order of preference.
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nikkiboxers says:Posted: 24 Apr 09
Well Glock, What is the point in initiating if there is intimidation. My white male friend told me, generally white women are easier to get along with. On the other hand, my brother would say women are women. No matter what race, we all have similarities. It seems that some races are a little more passive than others because thay have a mission. Per say! I know what I want & clearly state that in my profile. I do not want to engage in conversation or time with a man that first says he prefers Asian then African - Black women. I think it is unfair to those who know what they want. I want to be in liking & love with a wonderful, WHITE man. So tired of these peopl that have no clue & want to see "what it's like" because they are not bold enough or care about what people think to do it on a local or public level
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M.Elliot says:Posted: 24 Apr 09
Glock you made an honest observation, but dont be hesitant to elaborate further on your take. We are all learning from each other here and your take is definetly insightful. I would like to more.
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Glock says:Posted: 24 Apr 09
I don't necessarily think that black women per se are the least preferred (certainly not in my case) but I think many white men are hesitant to talk to or intimidated by black women to a degree.
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saffron says:Posted: 24 Apr 09
I would have to agree with this article...what i do find interesting is that although some WM's may have hispanic/asian in their requirements...i STILL get contacted by them...when i sometimes point that that...a lot of them go back and change it up...lol its almost like..wow a black chick is interested in me...if this one was..maybe more will be?..lol funny.
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homesteader says:Posted: 24 Apr 09
Yes , have seen alot of it here . None in other sites that I have visited over the years past . Having been dubbed in your stereotype the 'dominate race' , I will have to ask the percentage Experts here for some numbers before I could answer your second question I wonder if the media even have time to look at internet deta Ting sites or if they do . Then do they really care ? Asian men and Black women , depending on what part of the world you are talking of . Probably are no different than any other grouping of people .
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