Jill Scott's spirit winces at black-white dating
My new friend is handsome, African-American, intelligent and seemingly wealthy. He is an athlete, loves his momma, and is happily married to a White woman. I admit when I saw his wedding ring, I privately hoped. But something in me just knew he didn't marry a sister. Although my guess hit the mark, when my friend told me his wife was indeed Caucasian, I felt my spirit...wince. I didn't immediately understand it. My face read happy for you. My body showed no reaction to my inner pinch, but the sting was there, quiet like a mosquito under a summer dress. - Jill Scott; April issue, Essence Magazine
I know she was being honest about her feelings on 'such' coupling. She also says that her "positions is that for women of color" and that this wince isn't racist... but "has solely to do with the African story in America".
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Much as she claims this to be the view of women of color, I expected better from her. Even if she had the guts to voice her honest opinion, I think people should keep such thoughts to themselves. They scream STONE AGE!. I am a woman of color ... Jill Scott's view isn't my view. Is her position the position of women of color? In what century?
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104 responses to "Jill Scott's spirit winces at black-white dating"
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homesteader says:Posted: 15 Apr 10
I find it hard to believe that when someone Publically Judges another in print that their opinions should hold water . Each person shall be Judged by their own lifestyle , Who has Never made a Mistake / Let them Throw the First Stone . I see Jill Scott's " private hope " in a New Friends Marriage as Intervention in a place , she need not Interfer . Seems he was Rich and Happy with his Personal Choice . My Personal advice to her wood be " Mind your own Business . " If you cannot stand the Heat get the Heck out of the Kitchen . I married a Ladie , whom I met at Afro-Romance / I have been Judged by many who I thought were Friends . Does " Fair Weather Friends " bring any thoughts to mind ? Wasted days and Wasted nights / Noplayer ; All people in this world are Treated Equally as per their Actions . You have Totally no idea the Reality of " Individual " RESPECT not shown in All Others Travels though daily life . We are all the same , ask your wife next time she tells you she Loves you How her day went . Times are Achanging . My Daughters have B.A. 's in their college Degrees and your BM seems like Bowel Movement in the B.S. / Bullshit I read . We found many New Friends and many Less than true Friends openly Showed their True Color in their Reaction toward us and that color was a Darkness of their Character / a Paler shade of Grey in my eyes . The Media / Continuiously makes money while Attempting to Ruinate others lives with their public Comments . Brings Slander and Libel to mind / Rumor has it - they are Gay Bigots attempting to Degrade others of a Higher Quality than Themselves ; Publically . P.S. I am older and slow [ finally saw Kim online this week ] she was the Topic of a Blog - awhile ago / What did Jill Scott do that makes her Important ? May I ask ?
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NOPLAYER says:Posted: 15 Apr 10
The following statements hurt like hell and were painful to read but they're real so lets deal with them. 1) "And now I wouldn’t date a black man if he was a gazillionaire with gold coins coming out of his azz. I’m sorry but I would rather be alone." 2) "Every Black female, I know who is married to a Black man is miserable. I’d rather for them to be happy with someone of a different race than to live in misery." 3) "what I still find troubling is how little black women have transcended their ‘obligation’ to black men. More and more black men do not see black women as their counterparts and have shown us time and again." After reading these and a few other comments me and some friends were steaming (you know how some of us get emotional) and the gloves came off. The conversation became accusatory and defensive, naturally. I remember Iyanla Vanzant saying that as black people we emote too quickly instead of remaining calm so that we can clearly think, critically analyze and most important, ask some simple but serious questions as to; who, what, when, where and how. Once we calmed down a friend made a profound statement when said, "in the law of cause and effect, the effect cant be real and the cause unreal!" We all agreed that the hurt and disappointment of so many of our sisters is very real. It's true that BW catch alot of hell from BM and we are the cause of so much of there hurt but BW should ask themselves this critical question, "WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO OUR MEN!" 1) WHY have we lost almost two generations of our men to death and destruction? 2) WHEN did this decline in the number of our men that were fit for marriage and the maitaining of the family begain? 3) Where did it start? 4) How did it start? 5) Last but not least, "WHO" would stand to profit and gain a sense of security from the destruction of our men? Remeber as young women these were the men that you looked to marry, start a family, move into your first home and grow old with but many of you saw these men knocked out of the box before they reached the age where normally they would be ready to marry and start a family. As BM and BW we're fighting and arguing over the symptoms of the disease when we should be focussed on removing the disease that effects us. You can take all the pain killers you want but if you leave the disease in place it will eventually kill you, so to get rid of pain is to get rid of the source of the pain. I think too many of us are hooked on pain killers. We get relief from our pain by inflicting pain on eachother, dismissing and writting eachother off as unworthy instead of trying to remove the source of our pain. As my grandmama would say, "child it dont have to be this way!" Peace!
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gogetta1 says:Posted: 14 Apr 10Lets be honest. Society's perception says. Most black women see black men as: Bad, No good, Lazy, dumb, criminals, drug dealers, liars, cheaters, uneducated, broke, no stability, no value, etc . . . . * There are no good Black men Left * All the good black men want White girls --- (not true) * Black men aint S**t Yet they view Men of other races (especially White men) : Good, leaders, providers, stable, nice, educated, business men, held in high regard, loving, supportive, etc . . . . * Something you want to marry! For the record, I see nothing wrong with interracial dating. I truly believe you can find love across racial lines. But what troubles me is when I hear a black woman say that they will never date another black man, cause "Black men aint no good". Some of these women are raising young black sons at home. Some of these women are products of a black mother and father. So, when the statement is made: I'm going to date exclusively outside of my race. Im interested in all races except "BLACK". * What kind of message does that send to your young "BLACK" son? - Should others feel the same about "HIS KIND" as you do. * How would your "BLACK" father and grandfather feel knowing you DESPISE the same color and beauty and strength and culture that they posses? - You are a descendant of what you "DISLIKE". I understand that alot of these feelings some black women have are born out of pain and may be the product of one or many bad/failed relationships in the past. But that speaks more to the type of "INDIVIDUAL" that you are attracted to or choose to date. "NOT HIS COLOR". It doesn't mean that every other black man will act badly or treat you in a bad manner. Truth is: "THERE ARE SORRY, CHEATING, AND NO GOOD MEN IN EVERY RACE". Not just "BLACK" People are people and attraction is attraction. FInd LOVE where you find it. But I will say this, By choosing to alienate any race (especially your own) as an option for your potential happiness, You could be blocking your blessing. Note: If you decide to date inter racially, please don't be the BUTT of the joke at the party. Dont be so desperate to find love or so angered or bitter towards opportunities within your own race that you would allow you self to be placed in a position where you will be paraded around as that "BLACK PRIZE or TROPHY" that they take around to show all of their friends. As if you were a new sports car that they just bought for their pleasure and fun. Please dont allow someone to use your existence to satisfy some type of urge, crave or curiosity. You are worth more than that, Even if you are "BLACK"
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NOPLAYER says:Posted: 14 Apr 10
I admire Jill Scott because she seems to be firmly grounded and she has a deep understanding of OUR experience here in America, for these who don't know or understand OUR experience it's easy for you try and write her off. Jill Scott like many other conscientious BW understand that BM & BW are not enemies and the hurt and drama between us is not natural but it's an effect or a result of outside forces and factors. My point is aimed at BM & BW, I'm not wasting time with other folks because this is trully about us( BM & BW) and we got to deal with this. I ask BW, do you believe that your men are low down and no good by nature? Do you think that we have no desire for a future, family and children? Do you think that we are hateful and bitter towards our women because of some pshycological defect? I now ask BM, do you think that BW are angry, aggressive and hateful of BM? Do you think they are gold-digging coochie poppers. Do you think BW women look down on BM and never pass up a chance to emotionally castrate us? I ask these questions to get us to seriously think about these attitudes and behaviors and ask ourselves, is this something that's inherent in our souls as a people or is this the result of a process of conditioning? Are we acting out in response to some outside stimulant? If we're just naturally cold and bitter towards eachother, then so be it but if not, then we need to ask how and why have things gotting this bad between us. It's way easier to blame and hate eachother than to take a look at the social, political and economic realities that have an impact on our lives and has a negative effect on the way we relate to eachother. This conflict between us is nothing more than our responding to the effects of living in this crazy society. This struggle for power in our relationships is a mis-direction of the energy that should be used for the struggle to gain power as a people (not a few wealthy or sucessful blacks) because the achievements and accomplishments of a few don't represent progress for all. The physical and emotional abuse of eachother is nothing more than our misplaced anger and fustration at not being able to take away the power of others to abuse us. The willingness to always believe the worst about eachother comes from the constant bombardment of media hype, ever wonder why you don't see or hear too much of anything good about us in the media? I could go on and but I'm sure I made my point. I RESPECT Jill Scott for being willing to express the way she feels even if it's embarasses or makes some of you feel ashamed. Jill you make me proud!!
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Morninflower says:Posted: 14 Apr 10
Well.. look at it this way, atleast you can check her off your 'ideal list' and move on to another girl right? and yes, you can wince while doing it...
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d says:Posted: 14 Apr 10@ NOPLAYER, I concur. There are many races or cultures of people who choose to date/marry people from their own background and there is nothing wrong with that scenario. They may feel a certain comfort level. LOL, "Old Money" people love to marry each other.
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d says:Posted: 14 Apr 10
@ hippievinnie, Good and True comments. I am normally against legalized drugs; however, you made a good argument. I must admit I do not care for the "strong bw" stereo type because I have known "strong" other race women. They were strong both mentally and physically. I do not know too many men who will say, "Boy, I sure like that strong woman over there". On the other hand, I have heard, "I like the way her jeans hug her curves" or "I like the way her hips sway in that tight dress", not one word about being a strong woman.
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pumpkin22 says:Posted: 14 Apr 10
@ylady, "Is it wrong to want a family and a life with someone that looks like you?" It's nice to see that you feel alot of empathy for Jill Scott. I do too. I also don't think it's wrong to have personal preferences. What irked me was what seemed to be her desire and the desire of others like her to change what is a large part of reality and almost guilt men back into the fold. They need to accept that despite the fact that life isn't fair, they can still find a way to find peace and happiness. One of my favorite sayings is, "It is what it is". Anyway, it's always possible to develop new fantasies that can actually turn into reality.
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delphineblue says:Posted: 13 Apr 10
People are entiltled to feel what they wish to feel. What I think is more important is that love manifests itself in many ways, in many colors, & in infinite combinations. When someone finds this hihgest, purest emotion with someone else; regardless of any physical characteristic that is apparent, our inner spirit should feel pure joy! Joy for them, joy for the hope it should give us. "Love never fails." Let's get over the other stuff.
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ylady says:Posted: 13 Apr 10
From my pics, everyone knows that I am a African American female. What you may not know is I grew up in Mississippi. Most of my family still lives there. Being from Mississippi, can give you a different perspective. My parents did not raise me to be prejudice. However, I do recall thinking alot like Jill when I saw mixed couples. I too looked for a good African American man. A man with morales and good character. A man who had goals and a plan. I was not taking application from drug dealers, thugs, gang bangers, or people with no motivation to do anything. I can tell you that in one of the poorest states in the country, it was hard. Although I will date men of different races now, it is sometimes difficult to see good African American men with women of other races. Let's think about it, African American's make up a very small piece of the population. So if you deduct men in jail, men on drugs, and men in gangs, and men that have no vision for the future,what do you have left? So no it is not about racism but more about wondering what is left for us. Is it wrong to want a family and a life with someone that looks like you? I do believe that Jill has as much a right to state how she feels as we do on here. She was not coming from a place of hate, prejudice, or ignorance. We can not always pick what people say or their opinions of a subject even if they have the ear of the media.
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Jenevou says:Posted: 13 Apr 10
I understand what Jill Scott is saying. She is saying that given the history of Black folks in America, she prefers her own and there is nothing wrong with that. Many black men are dating white and leaving disparaging their women. Even making money in rap songs doing it. I saw a show that Tyra Banks did when White women, Hispanic Women, Asian Women and Black Women were featured. Men of each race too were featured and asked to choose their dream girl. No one chose the black woman. Not one man there. How embarrassing and how painful for this beautiful black woman to be on national TV and not one man of any race picked her. What does that say for the mindset of these men of color whose chose white and Asian women. When asked why they replied black women are not submissive enough. That white and Asian women do what they are told, black women always have something to say. Now it could have simply been that Tyra had weak men on her show who couldn't stand at an equal par with a strong black women. But it seems this kind of thing is pretty pervasive. Were black women not deciding to venture out and date other races these days, they might be alone. And I don't say this to say all black men don't love their own women, because plenty do but apparently not enough. I personally am a product of an interracial family and know that when you are within one, color is never the issue. It only becomes the issues from those on the outside of the family making judgment and putting strain on the interracial union. Maybe not as much these days but as they say, the more things change, the more they remain the same. I would like to see one day that everyone wake up and see all came out of Africa, we are all the same as we trickled down the color scope and move north where our skins lighten and our nose thinned to accommodate the environment around us. Like the flowers around us, we evolved over the centuries into separate races from the one race. But I definitely understand Jill Scott. I met her once and she is a beautiful woman. She just prefers to be with men of her own skin tone and there is nothing wrong with that.
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NOPLAYER says:Posted: 13 Apr 10
IMO Jill Scott spoke what many BW feel! Some of you act as if BW are wrong for feeling this way, as if these feelings are not rooted in reality. I dont know about you but I get suspicious when people start trying to tell me, "you shouldn't feel or think that way!" It sounds like MIND CONTROL to me. Some of you almost sound ashamed of the fact that there are many BW who want to see BM with BW. Some of you have become so alienated that the thought of a BW still wanting a BM is repulsive to you. It's like a BW is selling herself short and setting herself up for failure to want to be with one of her own. I expected some non-blacks to respond the way they did in regards to Jill's comments but I find some of the comments from a few of us troubling. "SH** stinks for a reason but SELF-ALIENATION and IGNORANCE is inexcusable!"
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hippievinnie says:Posted: 13 Apr 10This may come from way out in left field but the Racism that continues today is the reason why there are a lot less black men than women. The big racist machine is drug prohibition. Everybody does drugs of some sort, but it's black men going to prison for it. People adapt to survive in prison and take that mentality to the streets. So after 40 years of the war on drugs which started out against anti-vietnam protesters and LSD taking hippies turned into a higher percentage of the US population in prison than any nation in the world. Half of them are black men. If drugs were legal how would street gangs make their money? Where would the temptation to make drug money be. No more drive by shootings over the drug turf. Then a lot of impressionable teens will no longer be put in jail and emulate the 15%. The 15% is the non-drug related criminals who are criminally insane and need to be locked up. The other 85% are either addicts, dealers, petty thieves and generally good people who broke the law. While in prison inmates perform jobs that the sate makes money on and the inmates get about a dollar a day and usually have no choice, it's either work or go to solitary confinement. In Angola Prison in Louisiana they have black prisoners picking cotton how about that for a mental image. The term "Marijuana" was put on Cannabis, Ganja, Reefer or what ever you called Cannabis Sativa as a racial slur designed to create hatred towards Mexican immigrants. They said it would make black men rape white women. One step in healing the slavery is to stop it in it's current form. Freeway Rick Ross bought cocaine through the CIA and the Contra rebels and Ollie North knew about it and gave the OK. Rick Ross got 20 years and Ollie North got a talk show. Nixon started this War on Drugs which is a cover for legalized slavery and racial oppression. Let's put an end to it.
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shotgun007 says:Posted: 13 Apr 10
I dunno...Jill's comment was slightly embarrasing to me. Black women aren't sitting around pining over black men and more importantly...we aren't sitting around with our fingers crossed hoping that every successful black man we run into has a black companion. Jill needs to get over that and stop holding on to this "unwavering hope" that some successful BM will pick a black woman. I also think the term "Racist" is worn-out and overly used. shotgun007
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dolly48 says:Posted: 12 Apr 10
Black celebrities like Jill Scott give common sense, common decency, and hypocrisy a bad name. Whoa, Shawn69, (and Greenberet7) I wholeheartedly disagree. I feel where Jill is coming from. You being male, may not understand her reasoning? I dont feel she is being racist against interracial relationships. and pumpkin22: And if black women suffer a public image problem, what control do I really have over that? I dont think Jill is "suffering" from any image problems? I know I and many of my sistah's are not!
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Greenberet7 says:Posted: 12 Apr 10It is shameful for Jill Scott to feel rejected or whatever word you want to insert about her feelings. It many situations when a white man feels this way about a white female who marrys a black male he is deemed closed minded and habors feelings of racism. Jill Scott displays the same racist feelings is what some can claim. We are all human beings and should not feel rejected, hated, or whatever when this happens. Remember God loves us all so be happy when people marry. Race mixing seems to be viewed as a violation by Jill. Welcome back Jim Crow or should I say Jill Crow..lol..
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mazc says:Posted: 12 Apr 10
Regardless of what she was trying to say i find her comments embarrassing. These sorts of comments set us back and just keep dragging up old issues, how can we move forward, no one is saying forget the past but to keep going on, it just gives racists amunition as anyone who agrees would use her comments as an example.
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changeagent3 says:Posted: 12 Apr 10Just read SHAWN69's profile to see where he's coming from.
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deeann says:Posted: 11 Apr 10
@ SHAWN69, What a horrible thing to say in referrence to J.S. Your words do not make you look appealing. Haven't you noticed most other race of men on this site do not disparage women? Men such as yourself will sell a woman out just to save himself. J.S. needs to read more bm comments like yours and she will be cured of her trying to uplift the community syndrome.
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deeann says:Posted: 11 Apr 10
@Pumplin22, Excellent comments and so true. I believe Jill's comments were blown way out of portion, selling magazines is not easy. In time Jill will "wake up". She really is a wonderful human being.
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rae56 says:Posted: 11 Apr 10@pumpkin22, WOW ... just ... WOW! Very beautifully stated, and much food for thought!
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lizzy2005 says:Posted: 11 Apr 10Oh my days! Felt her spirit wince. Does she realise that we are in the 21st Century. Attitudes like this perpetuate racism!
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Rufusclayton says:Posted: 11 Apr 10First off, you can't be made at her, there is truth and validity to her point. Now whether it was 1810 or 2010 the fact of the matter is that this issue has been a problem for some and not for others for hundreds of years, if you believe that to be your truth go with it and may glod bess you, if you believe otherwise then go with that and walk that path, because we are all free to speak our minds and none of us are better then the next, for none of us walk on water. Ps- Jill's latest albumn "Light of the Sun" is the bizness! R. Clayton
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changeagent3 says:Posted: 10 Apr 10
The issue of race in the USA is so extremely complex and multi-layered that even those studying it full time often don't fully understand "the elephant." Some treat it like a question of mixing paint and cannot understand what the fuss is all about. Others are so closely connected to their history that they strongly experience pain from acts of butchery and terror of 50 to 300 years ago. And far too many African Americans' present day experience is still one of abject subordination based on race. For example, Still, as the Michael Steeles of our country have shown, not all African Americans care about the fate of "their people" or understand race as a continuing major problem in our society. If you have no sympathy for Jill Scott's comment, [I note that most of the Black women commenting here seem to understand THE CONTEXT of Jill Scott's comment, while most of the White males state that they don't sympathize. Hmmmmm.] I urge you to google and read the work of White anti-racist Tim Wise.
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changeagent3 says:Posted: 10 Apr 10
The issue of race in the USA is so extremely complex and multi-layered that even those studying it full time often don't fully understand "the elephant." Some treat it like a question of mixing paint and cannot understand what the fuss is all about. Others are so closely connected to their history that they strongly experience pain from acts of butchery and terror of 50 to 300 years ago. And far too many African Americans' present day experience is still one of abject subordination based on race. For example, Still, as the Michael Steeles of our country have shown, not all African Americans care about the fate of "their people" or even understand race as a continuing major problem in our society. If you have no sympathy for Jill Scott's comment, [I note that most of the Black women commenting here seem to understand Jill Scott, while most of the White males
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pumpkin22 says:Posted: 10 Apr 10
This is a complex issue and I don't think the answers are necessarily in black and white. After reading Jill Scott's article, I found myself wincing about her wincing. I understand many black women feel the way she does. I USED to feel the way she does. But I also realized a long time ago this attitude is ultimately self-defeating. While all men are (AND RIGHTLY SO) attracted to a variety of women, the complaint that black women have had is that black men have allowed themselves to be unduly influenced by the 400 year old view that white or light women somehow embody the epitomy of femininity. In turn SOME of them have sought to disparage black women publicly in order to: a)justify their actions b)make sure black women aren't found desirable by anyone else so they can maintain their sense of ownership of us But if some black men are "unduly" influenced by the dominant paradigm, I came to realize, what can I honestly do about that? And besides, there could be geniune love there, so who am I to judge? I am happy for anyone who is happy. (Happy people after all are usually nicer people!) And if black women suffer a public image problem, what control do I really have over that? The solution for me was to let go of what I couldn't control. So I worked on what I could control and found some peace. My peace then became complete in the arms of someone who treasures my dark skin against his white skin, my shape, the softness of my skin, and more importantly, who I am on the inside. I hope that people like Jill Scott get there too.
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TMW says:Posted: 10 Apr 10
Hmmm... She winces at Black & White dating. Please ask yourself, what are the odds of someone not approving of interracial dating (it is pretty high). What is the percentage of interracial couples (it is pretty low - look around you)? If Jill was a white woman, she would wince at her white men dating black women. I believe the character and the spirit of a person is the same, regardless of who or what they. I wonder if she winces at Obama. After all his parents are black and white...
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SHAWN69 says:Posted: 10 Apr 10Black celebrities like Jill Scott give common sense, common decency, and hypocrisy a bad name. If a white celebrity had made such racist statements, they woulda been tarred & feathered, boiled in oil, and run outa town on a rail.
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Saltwater32 says:Posted: 10 Apr 10
Jill Scott is doing what many people here in the USA do: confuse race and culture. What Jill's 'spirit' speaks of is a cultural commonality that, ideally, brings men and women together. Blacks see this in other cultures, and given the way this country tends to catelog coupling, is a normal reaction when seeing interracial relationships. Jill is a deeply spiritual, Afro-centric individual (her music and acting reflects this- 'Ladies No.1 Detective Agency' is brilliant acting) and so her perspective is such. There are MANY whites who feel the same (trust me when I enter a restaurant with a white man in arm, I get the 'wincing' looks, esp in the South). As much as I respect her exercising her 1st Amend rights, what I still find troubling is how little black women have transcended their 'obligation' to black men. More and more black men do not see black women as their counterparts and have shown us time and again. So, I say to black women- Get over it! Learn new cultures, get into the 'discomfort zone' and seek healthier relationships! And there is NOTHING wrong with someone of another race who finds you attractive! You can't mess with attraction- it's there for a reason. When you fall in love, fall in love with someone's spirit and how they make you feel.
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Billy_C says:Posted: 10 Apr 10
"I LOVE JILL SCOTT! I totally understand where she is coming from. It is nice to see a successful Black man with a Black woman, especially if she’s dark. It provides hope that there is a chance to rebuild the Black family. Unfortunately, its a rare thing to find such couples in todays society. Every Black female, I know who is married to a Black man is miserable. I’d rather for them to be happy with someone of a different race than to live in misery. People should be allowed to share their opinions without being rediculed. I will admit it, I would be more open to my daughter dating interracially than my son. But, I can’t choose who they love. As long as their partner takes care of them and loves them, I’m good." Who the heck even thinks this way? Scary.....
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Billy_C says:Posted: 10 Apr 10
Racism exists everywhere. It's not just in America. And not only whites are racist. There are racists of all colors. There were racists "of color" before there were even white people at all. The earliest recorded civilizations were racist slave holders, and none of them were white. My people (the Irish) were utilized for jobs in America that Blacks were viewed to be too valuable to perform. I think the author of that article is a racist. Plain and simple. Me? I looooove black women. :)
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D0dger says:Posted: 09 Apr 10
Some white men think black girls are hot. Some black men think white girls are hot. Some white girls think white men are hot. Some black girls think black men are hot. End of story. Just be with who you find attractive, both physically and emotionally.
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dolly48 says:Posted: 09 Apr 10
"I would like to ask Jill Scot if she will feel strongly too about BW/WM relationships?" speaking about that, if you hook up to some of the links where this article was posted, I saw that Robin Thicke and his wife just had a baby. Robin is white his wife is black. Ria didnt tell you that, did she? Gee, I wonder why not?
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kilgoretrout says:Posted: 09 Apr 10
Evh-- understand what you mean about reversing the situation, it does bring clairfication. But sometimes we use the term racist to much. Describing people who are just being honest about their thoughts does not always mean they are racist.
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chooy says:Posted: 09 Apr 10The issue is so complex and does not need to be made more complicated by over analyzation. One needs a history book to follow many of the slavery/generations arguments. I needed a dictionary to get through chris-schad's comments but nonetheless it is hard to impossible to say there is a right side and a wrong side. Instead of making it a color thing I might paraphrase Jim Crow by choosing to "stick to what makes me feel good" Me white she black, I love her so much and she loves me. We weren't aware of our different colors till some third parties intervened with their opinions that we did not match.
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ngbabe says:Posted: 09 Apr 10evh---You're right to point out "we all have stories in America" but to say the black American story is a bad excuse is rather ignorant on your part. white privilege is as much part of the American story as slavery and racial discrimination. I am amused when white men such as yourself who take the white privilege for granted try to diminish or dismiss the horrible lived experiences of African Americans in this country. FYI, it is upon the basis of the African American history and past experiences(and in some cases even in the 21st century---given that more black men according to a new study are now disfranchised as a result of the so called war on inner city kids than they were during the civil war)that I believe is the root of Jill Scot's feelings; not racism.
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devnull says:Posted: 08 Apr 10
One major hurdle the average black woman has to get rid of is what a poster left on Essence. "But to receive love from any man of any race first and foremost we must love ourselves unconditionally and teach our daughters to do the same" This above can apply to the human race but black women are the topic here.
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devnull says:Posted: 08 Apr 10
Well love or hate Jill Scot she has spoken her mind. I would like to ask Jill Scot if she will feel strongly too about BW/WM relationships? Let everyone on this post be honest with themselves before/during/after they got involved in IR dating did they for even a nano second not raise eye brows or looked down upon the opposite sex of their race when they saw them with another race. If you did not your a remarkable human being worthy or sainthood...LOL!! I have often thought that unless you share a similar history with a group of people of the same culture not neccesary race you can never fully understand certain aspect of their past. IR dating will always be here but not everyone will like it. I think most people are just against mixing with different cultures of the same race and different race. Its a personal prejudice one has to live with.
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lovely2see says:Posted: 08 Apr 10
I understand her frustrations but they are in vain. Statistically speaking, there simply isn't enough african american men to go around. Love also comes in many different forms and shouldn't be limited to pigmentation.
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blue1 says:Posted: 08 Apr 10Of course Ms. Scott has the right to express her opinion. America has a racist history and racism is alive and well. Ms. Scott has clearly expressed her racist opinion while denying that she was raised that way. That shows how subtle racism is. Her expressing her ideas can help all of us look at what we really believe in. I have has a few relationships where the woman was unable to with stand the pressure to date black men. Most of that pressure was self inflicted and not the result of much pressure from outside. However all of those involved in interracial dating will experience this racism. Ms. Scott thank you for speaking out loud and starting a discussion.
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evh says:Posted: 08 Apr 10She winced " I felt my spirit…wince". Seriously, and she is going to claim its not racist. African story in America is a pretty bad excuse. We all have stories in America. I know I wouldn't be allowed to say what she did without being accused of something.
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bigfine1966 says:Posted: 08 Apr 10What happen to someone just being able to say what they think? I read the article and i know there have been times that the same thought has cross my mind. I have choose to date out side of my race. But just because of that doesnt mean that our history has change. I agree whole hardly with Rmel if we kept thoughts to ourselves who would know what we are thinking. Does it mean you are racist when you speak the truth. If you look at the whole article you will see that Jill Scott spoke of some history before saying what she said. It is nice that you have a son that is biracial, but does it mean if he grows up and marry a white women no black women will look at him and say i wonder why he didnt marry a black women? NO. Someone will wonder. Do you think that someone doesnt look at you and say i wonder why she is with a white man? Sometimes i dont even think it is a black and white thing. I think people look at people and wonder how a couple becomes a couple. Well besides thinking i am rambling on @ this point i think i will close this response. Just because some one speaks thier opinion doesnt mean they are racist. And even if they are it's only their opinion. It does still exist you know?
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takinitall says:Posted: 08 Apr 10I LOVE JILL SCOTT! I totally understand where she is coming from. It is nice to see a successful Black man with a Black woman, especially if she's dark. It provides hope that there is a chance to rebuild the Black family. Unfortunately, its a rare thing to find such couples in todays society. Every Black female, I know who is married to a Black man is miserable. I'd rather for them to be happy with someone of a different race than to live in misery. People should be allowed to share their opinions without being rediculed. I will admit it, I would be more open to my daughter dating interracially than my son. But, I can't choose who they love. As long as their partner takes care of them and loves them, I'm good.
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chris-schad says:Posted: 08 Apr 10First off, kudos to the dude who commented b4 me, "hotbloodedwm". He nailed a lot of important issues and uttered (probably) one of the best understatements characterizing the zeitgeist regarding miscegenation in the 1960's and '70's: "And growing up in the hills of Kentucky in the late 60’s/early 70’s, and being White, that wasn’t as popular of a view as one might think." Link to Essence "editorial" by Scott: http://www.essence.com/relationships/commentary_3/commentary_jill_scott_talks_interracial.php?page=2 Scott's (delusionary) rationalization for her antipathy towards black men marrying white women is so full of holes that it is almost laughable. For example, she states: "One could easily dispel the wince as racist or separatist, but that's not how I was brought up. I was reared in a Jehovah's Witness household. I was taught that every man should be judged by his deeds and not his color" Well apparently, that lesson that she was taught ("every man should be judged by his deeds and not his color") has not been fully understood (or was forgotten) because the entirety of her commentary is one long paen to judging a "man by his color" and not "by his deeds"; or more accurately, judging a man's deed (marrying a white woman) by his color (black). Rationalizing one's bitterness over black men who date outside their race as having some sort of canonical historical basis (as Scott does) is intellectually untenable for reasons that go beyond the scope of this forum (Most "white people" in usa had no ancestors who participated in slavery or reaped significant benefits from it, and even if they did, no rational person would posit that people 10 generations (or even 1) removed from it should be held morally culpable for its agreeably reprehensible horrors.) In fact, the whole intellectual basis of Scott's argument is inherently illogical: (paraphrasing Scott's argument) Because slavery, racism and all the historical horrors of interracial social exchanges were so devastating, we should (essentially) insist on maintaining one of the cornerstones of those institutionalized racist canons: black men should not have social/sexual interactions with white women. Lastly, Scott ends her comments with a putatively exculpatory explanation and tries to diminish its inherent wrongheadedness by giving it a "folksy feel": "Some may find these thoughts to be hurtful. That is not my intent. I'm just sayin'. Well what is she "just sayin"??? What she is "sayin'" basically boils down to: "I am going to put a new spin on that tired, old, traditional, albeit racist, truism- that Jim Crow "chestnut": "Stick to your own kind!"
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Julep says:Posted: 08 Apr 10Rmel,I'm with you. When people keep their truths buried within them, it only leaves lies to act upon. One person's truth isn't the right or wrong way because of their fame or celebrity...it is just how that person feels (and we know there are others feeling this way too). If that truth is a "wound" in our society, we need to help it heal, not cover it and pretend it never exsisted.
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dolly48 says:Posted: 08 Apr 10
"isn’t it time ALL of this stops?" Please. It should have been over centuries ago; or rather never started at all. BUT...the reality is: it is what it is! We have racial sterotypes and racism in America! there I said it. Knowing this, how will it be resolved? A man I worked with once said: "the only way that racism will begin to heal in America is if an apology is given for sufferings of the past". Personally I have to agree.
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dolly48 says:Posted: 07 Apr 10
Yes, I understand what Jill Scott is saying. She and I share a "history" (culture) so to speak. I dont think she is putting down interracial relationship or even white people. However, I hope this topic does not stir up a hornet's nest. Thanks Ria. At it again, huh? Sharon
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@NoPlayer, It's apparent to me that what you're saying is heartfelt and I appreciate that. It also makes sense that you appreciate Jill Scott's sentiments. She is one among many black women who obviously still favor black men even if it's unrequitted. But if you're looking for insights on how to heal the rift between BM and BW, frankly I'm short of answers. For one thing though, I don't think it's healthy for anyone to: a) accept crummy treatment from his/her partner That smacks of low esteem to me. OR b) hitch our personal egos, our wagons or whatever to other people by demanding that they change who they are so that WE can be happy. If nothing else, it just seems egocentric(as well as a little pathetic) to me. Instead, I think its best to hitch one's wagon to those on a similiar path. As for the rest, I think while we may influence/encourage others for the better, real,deep change is always an individual thing.