How Do I Finally Let Go Of My Ex For Good?
I received a question from one of our readers, Jennifer on moving on after a break up. It read:
Evan, I’ve been reading your blog for a couple of years and I’m a big fan. Your advice has helped me make a lot of changes about how I view things. But I’m stuck. I hope you can help.
Find your soulmate on InterracialDatingCentral
I have a great boyfriend who does all the important things right. He’s funny, smart, kind, dependable, loyal, trustworthy, crazy about me, and fun to be with. He’s a good person. I love him. I’ve been dating him for four years but I’m still mentally and emotionally stuck on my ex way more than I should be, since we broke up more than 5 years ago. The ex was the classic charismatic, unavailable alpha male now but there was a time when we had a real relationship. Every time we tried to get back together after the breakup, he disappeared and hurt me, but I am still stuck on him. The euphoria I experienced with him has never been present with my current boyfriend.
I have tried therapy and self-help books and blocking his phone number. I know love is a choice. But do you have any tips on how I can make real progress towards letting go, once and for all? Any practical advice for me? I think I’m doing everything I can but maybe I’m missing something. From time to time, memories of the ex flood over me and it makes it hard to give my boyfriend the love he deserves. Is that normal? What should I do?
–Jennifer
Jennifer,
Do I have any tips on how to make real progress towards letting go? Hmmm. Let me think about that one out loud for a second…
You’re dabbling in some revisionist history, thinking that somehow, magically, you’re going to get all the good stuff from your ex, without any of the bad stuff.
Do I have any tips that would prevent you from holding your hand on a hot stove?
Do I have any tips that would prevent you from taking up heroin?
Do I have any tips that would prevent you from jumping out of a plane without a parachute?
Sorry, but, to me, that’s what your question sounds like.
The fact that you’re even considering trading the “funny, smart, kind, dependable, loyal, trustworthy, fun, crazy-about-you” guy for the “charismatic, unavailable alpha male” who broke up with you multiple times is the kind of thing that makes me want to punch a hole in my wall.
You know it. I know it. And yet you still feel what you feel.
You want another hit of the heroin, because you never felt so high in your life. How can you get that feeling without the downside?
You can’t.
And if you want to really kick this ex to the curb like a bad habit, instead of thinking of how great you felt when things were good, how about you focus how bad you felt when things were bad.
The times he lied to you.
The times he insulted you.
The times he cheated on you.
The times he didn’t want to listen to you.
The times he broke up with you.
The times he hurt you.
Because right now, you’re dabbling in some revisionist history, thinking that somehow, magically, you’re going to get all the good stuff from your ex, without any of the bad stuff.
Uh uh.
No matter what woman that guy meets, he’s going to cause a wide swath of destruction like Sherman did in the South.
The reason to not touch the hot stove is because you’ll get burned.
The reason to not try heroin is because you’ll get hooked.
The reason to not jump from a plane without a chute is because you’ll die.
Nothing good comes out of the thrill. It’s all downside.
Your ex-boyfriend is all downside, Jennifer.
And your current boyfriend deserves someone who appreciates how great he is, not someone who pines for a man who treats her worse.
Get your shit together or let your boyfriend go.
Related Stories
-
Why Don't Men Hate Being Single As Much As Women Do?
-
Why Would My Boyfriend Suddenly Break Up with Me?
-
Is it Okay to Talk with a Man About His Small Penis?
-
How to Know If You're Wasting Time on the Wrong Men
-
Love Under the August 31 Supermoon: A Cosmic Date to Remember
-
You Have to Assume the Best In Men, Rather Than the Worst in Men
-
Why Women Should Make Men Wait For Sex
1 responses to "How Do I Finally Let Go Of My Ex For Good?"
Leave a reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
Evan Marc Katz
-
Why Would My Boyfriend Suddenly Break Up with Me?
Why Would My Boyfriend Suddenly Break Up with Me? Katie was in what she thought was a great relationship. Until it suddenly ended after the guy kissed him goodbye. Little did she know it was the last. Here is her story...
-
Is it Okay to Talk with a Man About His Small Penis?
Is it Okay to Talk with a Man About His Small Penis? Does size really matter? One of our readers is wondering if she should point this out to the great man she just met. Here is her email... I met a great guy on a dating site two months ago and we’ve ...
-
Love Under the August 31 Supermoon: A Cosmic Date to Remember
Love Under the August 31 Supermoon: A Cosmic Date to Remember On the night of August 31, step outside and direct your gaze to the heavens. The sky will bestow upon us one of its most spellbinding phenomena: a Supermoon. The Moon, often considered a symbol of uni...
-
You Have to Assume the Best In Men, Rather Than the Worst in Men
You Have to Assume the Best In Men, Rather Than the Worst in Men You’ve been hurt by men before. You’ve been hurt bad. You’ve vowed to learn from the experience and protect yourself from that ever happening again. And to protect yourself from being hurt by a...
-
What You Can Learn From a Real-Life 'He's Just Not That Into You' Situation
What You Can Learn From a Real-Life "He's Just Not That Into You" Situation Here is an email from one of our readers, Charlene: I am 41, divorced with two kids. Three months ago, I met someone, 38, no kids, never been married. We exchanged phone numbers, went out a couple tim...
-
Why Women Feel Guilty About Earning More Money
Why Women Feel Guilty About Earning More Money Today, we’re going to explore the pull between women being proud of their career success and feeling guilty about out-earning their male partners.
-
Doing the Best I Can - Why Fathers Leave Their Children
Doing the Best I Can - Why Fathers Leave Their Children "The next time you hear about a man who is an absentee father, try to summon a little sympathy for his plight. He may not be entirely blameless, but he probably shouldn’t shoulder all the blame eith...
-
Men Look for Sex and Find Love. Women Look for Love and Find Sex.
Men Look for Sex and Find Love. Women Look for Love and Find Sex. Laura has been dating online for a while now and has started to notice a trend with a lot of the men who have contacted her. They seem not to want anything serious.
-
How Do You Respond if a Guy Disappears and Follows Up a Week Later?
How Do You Respond if a Guy Disappears and Follows Up a Week Later? One of our readers was concerned about how to respond to a guy who has disappeared. Not just the kind that disappears for months... just the kind who contacts you after a week or so. There goes... "I ...
-
Should I Keep Faking Orgasms to Build My Man's Confidence?
Should I Keep Faking Orgasms to Build My Man's Confidence? One of our readers realized that the man she is dating has no confidence in the bedroom. The sex is terrible. She has resorted to faking it. Should she?
Find your soulmate on InterracialDatingCentral
Coaching Testimonial
"My online love inspiration angel"
Submitted by: Patricia, USA, 21
To be honest, in the beginning, I thought it would be a waste of time. But since I've never seen a similar service in any other dating site, I decided to give it a try.
I always "thought" my profile was on point and I did not need any help to correct my page. I always had in my profile if someone is not attracted to my profile, then that's "their" loss.
BOY WAS I WRONG!!
I will never forget my first time using the Coaching Service I was introduced to my personal Dating Coach. Let me put it this way, if it was not for her I would have given up long time ago (even though I'm a new member).
She taught me so many things and gave me good advice, I did not want to stop chatting with her at all.
She opened my eyes to many possibilities when finding love. She is definitely an inspiration and I appreciate a whole lot. She is more than a Dating Coach to me; she is more of a close friend/guide to me. She is definitely my "online love-inspiration angel".
Most Popular
- 1. Men aren’t about looks but about feeling
- 2. Why Do Women in Their 30s Not Want to Date Men in Their 40s?
- 3. Do Men Need To See Other Men Desire Their Partner? Or Is That Just a Woman Thing?
- 4. Become the CEO of your Love Life with Evan Marc Katz
- 5. Why Don't Men Hate Being Single As Much As Women Do?
- 6. How to Know If You're Wasting Time on the Wrong Men
- 7. How Do You Respond if a Guy Disappears and Follows Up a Week Later?
- 8. "You truly changed my life, my outlook...and I am grateful!!"
- 9. Men Look for Sex and Find Love. Women Look for Love and Find Sex.
- 10. Is it Okay to Talk with a Man About His Small Penis?
Personally... I think closer is saying your peace. If you hadn't accepted the actions that are taking place, your in denial and being delusional about what's taking place. If the relationship is full of negativity, and your fighting for that... it's not your partner, it's you. Empower yourself, step back, analyze the relationship and take responsibility for your own actions in how it reflected on the relationship correct and apply change(s), move forward and know what you want, don't be afraid to ask for it and don't settle out of fear that is desperation. Know your worth, and demand it!!!!