Does online dating encourage staying single?
Most people love and admire the single lifestyle because they get to do what they want, when they want without a care in the world. This life is so tempting that some singles don’t see the point in getting married… and the married ones wonder why they ever did.
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The thing with online dating is ... it has made it easier for most singles to find people within their own area they can go on dates with just for fun – nothing beyond. And this ease in finding dates conveniently or a CFA (Convenient F***ing Arrangements) has somehow made most singles put off marriage because in one way or the other online dating has made being single fun.
Imagine having the freedom to practically date a new person every night. This is something no married person can comfortably do. Imagine having someone new to flirt with every night… someone to stroke your ego whenever you are down. Thing is, online dating also takes care of loneliness because there will always be at least one person online who will be willing to keep you company on chat. Plus the possibilities online dating provides are just endless. Who can be blamed for wanting to hold off marriage or put it off altogether?
But as tempting as this may sound, would you give up the idea of marriage entirely just to remain single and have 50 first online dates every month?
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28 responses to "Does online dating encourage staying single?"
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lookn4peace says:Posted: 10 Jan 11Wow. I'm both glad and sad to see its not just me. This is my first online dating site and during my inaugural period--first 30 days--the response was great. I guess that always happens when fresh meat enters the pool! I was thrilled at the opportunity to add more opportunities to date interracially, but have slowly, but surely become more jaded in the process. I have to agree with Oppsattract, and you ladies--many of these guys are just looking for a buffet of sex partners or are still single because they haven't grown up yet to realize what it takes to make a real life relationship. Sometimes Mr. Right comes from being Mr. Make Right (same for you guys with women!) I think this article is very timely, at least for me. You notice the same types of profiles from attractive, seemingly suitable guys saying they want love and something honorable, only to find that they are being very disingenuous. *Sigh* I do think looking at all of the opportunities to supposedly "trade up," folks get the idea that they don't have to compromise anything. Reality is sometimes the diamond in the rough is the right one.
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Happy_Girl says:Posted: 09 Jan 11
Wow written off American men? Then are you dating at all if you live in America? Or do you have a bunch of pen pals and cam buddies???
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kissime says:Posted: 08 Jan 11I think online dating encourage a lot of people to stay single because it's easy to dismiss and keep searching for the perfect mate...when in fact, no one is perfect . I believe there are men & women who are sincerely looking for love and are ready to give their 100%. I love the love of a man and never will I swear of the possibility of finding true love from a man of substance. The man I yearn for exist. We just have not found each other. I've known of situation when men have traveled abroad to marry. But unfortunately they were looking for a submissive doormat (not claiming all who's married women from 3rd world countries marry for that reason) But from my observation of people I've known has always been the case. Eventually, once they arrive to America, they decide it's time to stand up for themselves and leaves. A friend of mine found his dead mother on their living room floor after school. She was Korean. His father, a Caucasian man brought her to the U.S. She was disowned by her family because she married out of her race. Not long after arriving he started beating her. After having 2 children she decided to leave. But she died eventually from a brain aneurysm, caused by constant beating and alcoholism. An old associate of mine (that I decided not to stay in contact with-who happens to be a white woman) loves black men. That's her preference. She was married to a black man for 20 years. He was physically and psychologically abusive to her. She finally divorced him, and he shows very little interest in their children. She's looking for love on the internet--just like many of us. No luck yet after more than 5 years. So far, all of the black men she's met have been married, or hit it & run. I have not spoken to her in a year, but I know she has herpes and she never uses condoms. A pediatrician I worked for found love on-line and they are happily married with children. Both of my sisters have found love online and are in relationships right now (1 with a white man the other with a black man) So far, so good...they're great men whom are so lucky to have found 2 beautiful and intelligent women :) Ladies and gentlemen, I must admit, all of the relationships I've known of from abroad are never genuine. They are always after their citizenships...just my observation. Maybe your story will be different...I sure hope so. I love to see people happy. My point is, I don't think it matters what race or where you meet people. Unfortunately, it's all base on luck. Bitterness has no race. When ones been hurt & have not healed it is not pleasant. He or she will make your life a living hell! People are usually very honest about what they want from you. regardless if the just want to be with just you, monogamously or and with everybody else. You'll know-if you pay attention (sometimes we realize a little too late) I don't think anyone is wrong for feeling the way they do. Because only you know what pain you have experienced. All I know is, I don't want to get involved with an angry, hateful man. I don't want a man who does not like himself. I want a man who knows laughter is not appropriate when it comes to people's emotions; that's just cruel. I want a man who is ready to give our love 100% because that's exactly what I will give to him. I want a man who respects his life and the lives of others. All I have left to write is, God Bless Us All.
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Oppsattract says:Posted: 08 Jan 11An interesting perspective worth reiterating (with some minor revisions): "... online dating encourages people to stay single because it’s easy to dismiss someone and keep searching for the perfect mate (even though no one will fit all of one's idea of a perfect mate). I believe there are men & women who are sincerely looking for love, (but are too immature to accept that no one will have all of the required traits sought)." Nice response.
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Oppsattract says:Posted: 07 Jan 11
So interesting reading the negativity above. The 3rd and 4th posters don't respond to the blog, which specifically talks about how online dating may encourage one to stay single. Instead, the pair go into an irrelevant whine about "swearing off men". Classic depictions of the typical emotionally-damaged and battle-wary black woman who would turn off any man (regardless of race); but instead curse men for their respective frustration with rejection. And then you have another "black" woman who chimes in right along. Rather than just delete the dating profile, each continues to have a profile. Just imagine! You read an interesting profile, then meet the person behind the profile, who is one of these embittered black women. This is an example of why online dating may encourage a man to stay single, especially when the same negativity is exhibited by many black women in general. Yet, for some reason, black women can't seem to understand why a man does not want an embittered woman in his life. LMAO!
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bigeyes31 says:Posted: 08 Jan 11
Online dating encourages me to keep connecting because I want a NON BLACK Canadian or European guy preferably with longer hair ,strong chin, great nose(got a thing for those) , great eyes and the ability to converse about Star Trek , LMAO How did you like that POST ON TOPIC,LOL?
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Oppsattract says:Posted: 08 Jan 11
You may "want" a non Black Canadian, but what you "need" is a psychiatrist. Someone to help you with all the frustration that has made you embittered to such a point that you can hardly stand the loneliness. If psycholigically and emotionally stable enough to stand the loneliness, you would stop looking for any man until you had some time to better assess why you have failed so miserably at attracting or keeping a man. But alas, a woman has to first acknowledge her problem before she can begin to solve her problem. What will it take for you to see that you're frustrated and embittered to the point of being distraught and lonely?
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bigeyes31 says:Posted: 10 Jan 11
Armchair psychiatrist on dating and keeping relationships from one who is on DATING site themselves,LOL......take your medicine first and I'll watch to see if it works for you...LOL
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BrownSugar says:Posted: 07 Jan 11I've been signed up to this site for like 3years, but to be honest im here to make friends and usually go off for months at a time, then come back..anywayz, i know a few really goodlooking guys, obviously not short of female attention who are here for a 'long term relationship' or so they says..how come they are still single after like 4yrs? i know for certain one guy that hooks up with women, pretending he wants something more and then moves on to the next.. its very wrong to lead people on..thats my stand on the whole situation
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Oppsattract says:Posted: 07 Jan 11
It's a vicious cycle. Men lead women on; women lead men on. For whatever reason, women defend it when done "by" a woman, but curse it when done "to" a woman. What is interesting is that when I meet and talk to wives of colleagues who are "happily married", it is clear why he is happily married. Each wife, albeit from differing backgrounds, has a basic understanding of men (at least their own men) that is so simple, that perpetually single women are incapable of understanding. If perpetually single women (especially black women) understood the image being projected, rather than what is thought to be projected, many would understand why men (regardless of race) repeatedly treat such women so poorly. Women who think as one idiot above (i.e. men think with two heads; and the little head always wins out), will be treated as an uncouth idiot.
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sexyfitbuff says:Posted: 06 Jan 11
Be proud about your honesty, the quick phone number thing is a bit much for me too. So many guys are in such a hurry to try and get what they want , when they are not even finished crusin..and they seem to forget that we are human beings, not candy. Often they skip right over the proper manners that a man needs to have if he wants to get to know a woman. One thing for sure, I'm so happy that I only have one head to think with.. and not two. Ladies, we owe it to our selves to make sure that we date off line and don't get caught up in the men who are always looking for greener grass and addicted to the internet. Because most of the guys here are not used to getting so many emails and the attention has been overwhelming for them and the 2 heads will kick in and the little one usually wins...lol. Did I say that..lol. I'm not saying that at least 30 guys are really looking for a relationship, but most have no clue how to respect the essence of a real woman. Happy New Year! Sexyfitbuff
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Tigresse says:Posted: 05 Jan 11LOL...isn't there some expression about how a hit dog hollers? See what I mean? Amazing...if what I said doesn't pertain to you, why the need to comment, take it personal, or be defensive? There are plenty of American men who give up on American women. More power to them. I'm happy to hear they're looking outside of the box for love. If the traits they desire in a mate are missing in American woman -- it's a big world with billions of women out there -- I say go for what you want and be happy! Personally know a lot of men and women married to people from other countries. If you have any sense you VET them and choose wisely...DUH...my sister is married to a Brit...everyone said the same to her -- he's only after novelty sex and citizenship. The people who said that to her are divorced or no longer together -- she and her foreigner from Northern England have been married over 25 years -- so I'm guessing the novelty sex must be pretty damn good. He should be eligible for US citizenship any day now too and will no longer have any use for her...lol Oh and feel free to comment back -- I'm out and as I said previously...done, done, done.... your comments reveal more about you than anything I could ever respond back with.
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Oppsattract says:Posted: 04 Jan 11
"Done with American men" posts are just too funny. Well, go ahead and seek a foreigner looking for citizenship or novelty sex. You won't be missed. Many American men have long given up on American chics, and there are industries (e.g. Mail Order Bride Services and Sex Vacations to Costa Rica, Brazil and Dom. Rep.) to that end. Believe me, you won't be missed one bit. LOL.
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philadiva14 says:Posted: 05 Jan 11
If many American men have given up on American women wouldn't it stand to reason that some American women have given up on American men as well?
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bigeyes31 says:Posted: 06 Jan 11
hit dog hollers the loudest. LOL I can promise you that you wont be missed either. Your type of mentality is exactly why there is an exodus.If a man has to go to those means(sex vacations, c'mon.... Really?????) to get a woman or sex he is sex fiend and a borderline sexual predator and not fit to be called a man. He should end his life,lol.
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Oppsattract says:Posted: 07 Jan 11
Branded and broken "cows" moo the loudest. (LMAO) My "kind of mentality" huh? LOL. (I love it when I hit a nerve attached to a fragile ego.) Well, white women have been going on sex vacations in the Carribbean for decades, so men are not alone in desiring drama-free sex; we're just better able to afford it. The same holds true for the industry for meeting women overseas for marriage. You know how the so-called "mail order bride" services draw Western (North American and West European) men? They point out the negative aspects of Western women that most Western men already see on a day-to-day basis, and highlight such negativity against non-Western women who don't typically exhibit such negativity. So! As I said, go ahead and seek out foreign men. Many European men are as fed up with European women as many North American men are fed up with North American women. And many European men have a lower opinion of North American women than they have of many European women. Face it! Statistically, black American women are the least likely to either get married, or stay married when compared to other ethnic groups and black men. DO YOU REALLY THINK IT'S THE MAN's FAULT YOU "STATISTICALLY" DO WORSE THAN ANY OTHER GROUP? LMAO!!!!!
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bigeyes31 says:Posted: 08 Jan 11
And so again hit dog hollers the loudest,LOL. See the typical rejected black man that just couldnt conceal his derision and hatred for black women(lol I knew the "nobody wants black women says the bitter black man" comments were coming ,just had to draw them out) LMBO. Keep your profiles up ladies for the European and Canadian men who know how to treat and appreciate us black women and would never tell us "nobody wants you" :-)Thank God we have learned to leave American men behind.
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bigeyes31 says:Posted: 08 Jan 11
I guess that justifies it if a "white woman" does it.....LMBO talk about fragile egos....needing validation of your point much? Im done because I see what I'm dealing with. Man you got black women jumping ship in the middle of artic ocean.Ha-ha
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Oppsattract says:Posted: 08 Jan 11
Proof that the "branded and broken cow" mooz the longest. Hard to hind embitterment.
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Oppsattract says:Posted: 17 Jan 11
Branded and broken “cows” moo the loudest. (LMAO) My “kind of mentality” huh? LOL. (I love it when I hit a nerve attached to a fragile ego.) Well, white women have been going on sex vacations in the Carribbean for decades, so men are not alone in desiring drama-free sex; we’re just better able to afford it. The same holds true for the industry for meeting women overseas for marriage. You know how the so-called “mail order bride” services draw Western (North American and West European) men? They point out the negative aspects of Western women that most Western men already see on a day-to-day basis, and highlight such negativity against non-Western women who don’t typically exhibit such negativity. So! As I said, go ahead and seek out foreign men. Many European men are as fed up with European women as many North American men are fed up with North American women. And many European men have a lower opinion of North American women than they have of many European women. Face it! Statistically, black American women are the least likely to either get married, or stay married when compared to other ethnic groups and black men. DO YOU REALLY THINK IT’S THE MAN’s FAULT YOU “STATISTICALLY” DO WORSE THAN ANY OTHER GROUP? LMAO!!!!!
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Tigresse says:Posted: 04 Jan 11
OMG...bigeyes31... ... just finished updating my profile to non-american men....like you I am done, done, done....after last year I was pretty over it, but then decided I was being too harsh, so I went for it again on in 2011...3 contacts already...all American men....same old sh*t...only 3 days into the new year....that did it for me. One guy showed out in particular.just yesterday. Exchanged a few pleasant emails and I was thinking....hmmmmm, this guy could be different....then he sent me his phone number -- after only 3 emails. I said no -- and since when I usually say no, they flip out or slink back into cyberspace. I figured he would do the same (all the time hoping he really was different), and said good luck with your search....dude, wrote me back, saying he only wanted to hear my voice and apparently I had baggage.....wtf? .,..am I missing something? I'm not a paranoid person, but how is it unreasonable to be selective about who I give my personal info too? So let's say I call this guy, my number is visible in caller ID or stored on his cell (and not everybody has the feature that hides their number). Now someone I know nothing about, beyond what's on his profile and some pictures can easily find out where I live with just my phone number and if he wanted to then could find and see where I live on Google Earth....oh hell, no...I don't think so. So, no more...no reason to keep putting up and exposing myself to this madness....have been to Europe and Canada, love the men there...and they love me back...time for me to stop being "nice" because "he seems like a normal guy" and let this go... doubt I'll even respond to emails anymore. ...and to all you American men who aren't like this --- if this doesn't apply to you there is no reason to explain you don't do this or defend American men....my opinion, my rant...thank you. The thing that is bizarre (and appalling) is how they ALL have gotten upset when I wouldn't give personal info when they wanted it....SMH So bigeyes31, if you're reading this, I'm curious, why are you done with American men?
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philadiva14 says:Posted: 05 Jan 11
@Tigresse I haven't written off American men but I know exactly what you mean about being asked really quickly to hop on the phone. I don't think online communication should go on endlessly but what's wrong with learning a little about someone first? I especially get a chuckle when an intro email contains the emailer's phone number with a request to call or text! lol
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Tigresse says:Posted: 05 Jan 11
LOL...my rant was just for me...not suggesting the same for any of you ladies. I just thought it was ironic that I had just updated my profile and then found bigeyes31's comment -- synchronicity and all that. :) I agree...online communication shouldn't go on endlessly, but as you said, what's wrong with learning a little about someone first? Getting a feel for the person you're talking with? And yes, it IS funny when you get an intro email with a request to text or call....
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bigeyes31 says:Posted: 06 Jan 11
Tigresse I think you described it best. I know men like sex and so do women it's natural,but there seems to be an unnatural preoccupation with sex coming from American men. It's like the only thing that concerns them, and if you allow them to IM you they go right into a sexual conversation! I dont need a web site for sex and I have basically said so in my profile when I had it displayed that I wasnt interested in that type of encounter but yet and still ... I'm basically tired of this site and it's sexual maniacs, because No means No. It's like they get offended if you asked them to THINK,they dont want to have to THINK ,its weird to me. American men are self-absorbed and extremely shallow and it bores me to tears. The BEST conversations and mental stimulation I have had on this site were from a Canadian guy and one from Germany( who had no interest in becoming a U.S citizen, LMBO at the dumb statement made about that).
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bigeyes31 says:Posted: 03 Jan 11
Im pretty much done with the american male period,especially on this site.
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faith711 says:Posted: 03 Jan 11
I wondered why the online dating venture has never worked for me. After reading this article I realize its just a way to solicit. CFA's how pitiful. I guess I am naive to believe I would find someone with integrity on these sites. I guess the unscrupulous find a way to do their dirt.
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Oppsattract says:Posted: 03 Jan 11
While in my 20's and 30's, online dating was an awesome means of meeting women for FWBs, whether the woman knew it or not. But as I am in my late 40's, the allure of FWBs has worn off drastically. Not necessarily because I feel some need for marriage, but because I don't have as much patience for the selfishness, self-centeredness, and irrelevance exhibited by many women as I used to; at least not for NYC women. In my youth, the desire for sex was stronger than my impatience; but not today. Not with the opportunities the net presents to meet women outside of one's region. So many NYC women write ads that depict someone primarily interested in a clown to make her laugh, a father to financially support her, an adventurer to show her things she could not show herself, an instructor to teach her things she has not taught her self; and I keep asking, other than sex, what the h*ll do I get out of the arrangement? Reading personal ads from women in NYC discourages me from seeking marriage here, and to an extent, discourages me from doing much dating here. THANK GOODNESS I TRAVEL FOR BUSINESS.
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