Do dating sites make people seem superficial?
I came across the video below on the New York Times blog, Economix. And when I read the paragraph:"Maybe online dating sites don’t reveal people’s despicable superficiality; they exaggerate it, because superficial characteristics are the easiest, and some case only available, qualities to search for" I had to watch it in order to understand where behavioral economist Dan Ariely was coming from.
Ariely thinks dating websites assume that its easy to describe people on searchable characteristics such as height, body shape, religious affiliations etc. But in the real sense people are more like wine. He goes on to say:
Find your soulmate on InterracialDatingCentral
...When you taste the wine, you could describe it, but it's not a very useful description. But you know if you like it or don't. It's the complexity and completeness of the experience that tells you if you like a person or not. And this breaking into attributes turns out not to be very informative.
Have a watch...
While scanning profiles for these attributes, we remove most people from our potential mates radar. After that, we start looking at other things we have in common that might prompt us to send an email. Question is: Would you contact a person who doesn't have those "searchable characteristics"? Are we limiting ourselves by using this criteria?
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67 responses to "Do dating sites make people seem superficial?"
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godiva61 says:Posted: 04 Aug 10
THIS IS BEYOND MENTALLY DISTURBED!!!!! THERE ARE TWO DIFFERENT NAMES WITH THE EXACT SAME PICTURE ATTACHED!!! PETITE IS NOT THE ONLY ONE SEEING THESE EXACT SAME PHOTOGRAPHS ATTACHED TO TWO DIFFERENT NAMES!!!!!
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studmuffin99 says:Posted: 03 Aug 10
Not me either, Joseph. So she can't really see your picture and lack of mine on this website. She must secretly be in love or openly I guess by the way she is acting, with this Queens person. She just can't keep stop talking about you and they say there is a fine line between love and hate very often. By the way she sticks to you, she must really love this Queens guy and wish you were him. Too bad she can't send emails because I would like to know what this famous Queens guy really looks like and see how closely he resembles you. I think everyone on here would like to know what Queens looks like to see how he looks compared to you. I wonder if he spurned her or something and is taking it out on you. Take care Joseph. I hate to say this but better you than me because I couldn't handle the drama while you are a counselor and used to dealing with all types of individuals. Jeff
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serenity33 says:Posted: 03 Aug 10
None of my pictures are published on the world wide web. Only on this website. What about you Jeff? Sincerely, Joseph Moyer
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PetiteChick says:Posted: 03 Aug 10
@Studdmuffin or Queens (whichever role you're in at this moment): I can too see your fotos. What makes you think I can't when they are published on the world wide web. The both of you, I mean ummm, you and Queens, ooops sorry you're studdmuffin have the same photo. I can still see "me" too. I now know that you have gone mad from your hatred. I think this is so funny, really I do. If you weren't such a hate-filled person Queens, you could have done stand up comedy. Studdmuffin, you'd have to be his "other persona." Teeheeee, Whewwwwwwwwwww, Whooooosaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!
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serenity33 says:Posted: 03 Aug 10
Don't worry about her Jeff. I looked and she closed her account a long time and just goes on blogs to give people trouble. She probably can't tell the difference if you have a picture or not(which I noticed you didn't) and can't see mine either. Just stay on the topic of the blog and don't break any of the site or blog rules. That is the best way to behave my friend.:-) Joseph Moyer
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studmuffin99 says:Posted: 03 Aug 10
This site and blog have rules and free speech is curtailed by the rules of the site and blog which you are clearly violating. And you must not being a paying member either because otherwise you could see that I don't have a picture up while he does. I think it is just a trick to get to see what I look like. I can see why your posts get removed because they have nothing to do with the blog and just designed to be disruptive and hateful. Again the superficiality coming out on a dating site. We have exhibits a and b as prime examples(or haters) of the superficiality of dating websites. And one says something about Queens. Is she from New York? Could someone fill me in on that besides her since reliability is suspect in this case of getting a straight answer? Any of you guys know what she is talking about? Thanks. Jeff who is still wondering what anything she is saying has to do with this blog topic.
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studmuffin99 says:Posted: 03 Aug 10
PS If you ever by some miracle get to Cali, you are welcome to visit and also ride in my mail truck and we can talk and chill while I do my route. I will make the truck comfortable because I know your handicap hinders your walking and you are in a lot of pain all the time. You got more guts than me in that department for I can't stand pain. Stay cool, bro. Jeff
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studmuffin99 says:Posted: 03 Aug 10
Hey Joseph. Don't worry about me. I have dealt with haters before in Cali. And I have had positive experiences with Black women and know enough to know these two aren't representative of the population at large. I have come across some very nice Black women on my mail route and know they are very nice in general. I am hesitant to become a member if you have to deal with individuals like this. I don't want to pay good money to be berated because I was nice to a nice guy who was nice to me. I would rather spend my money on a sight that has black woman as just part of the selection. I have a few in mind but I heard you weren't allowed to mention other sites on this websites especially competitors. But I do like the education of the blogs even if some people don't obey the rules of the site. And I will keep my picture blank. I have been a piece of meat because of my picture before. I don't want to tempt anyone. And I saw your picture and not to hurt your feelings, I am much better looking than you. But that is the way our society is online especially. It is a meat market based on looks on these kinds of sites which is a superficial thing but at least they are more honest about it. I am sure you make up for your looks by having a great personality by what I have seen. So don't worry about me, friend. Faceless people are easy marks for insults on these online dating sites. I would rather have insults for no picture than be chased by haters in disguise who are just nice to me because of my looks. I have been down that road before and I would rather find out ahead of time how they really are and like I said, I think these sites bring out superficiality and people's true nature that they usually hide around a good looking guy like me. Take it easy Joseph. Jeff
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PetiteChick says:Posted: 03 Aug 10
No insults. Why you want to cause trouble to have my comments removed? Won't work this time. I'M EXERCISING FREEDOM OF SPEECH! What I'm asking you is why do Studdmuffin and Serenity33 have the same photo? Or is that you bare a very striking resemblance? Never mind, Queens. Have fun.......
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serenity33 says:Posted: 03 Aug 10
Don't insult the guy that way. He is a thousand times better looking than me I bet. I posted my photo and I don't see one for him. Don't worry about them Jeff. They will attack anyone who gets along with me. They don't know how to stick to the topic of the blog. Just ignore them Jeff since I know you won't be praying for them.:-) Sincerely, Joseph Moyer
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PetiteChick says:Posted: 03 Aug 10
STUDD MUFFIN AND SERENITY33 HAVE THE SAME PHOTO?
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PetiteChick says:Posted: 03 Aug 10
You have posts deleted quickly, get photos approved quickly easy access, eh? I'm done exercising my freedom of speech for now. But I'll be back.
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PetiteChick says:Posted: 03 Aug 10
Count down to when my posts will be deleted......... It is currently 7:24a.m. Eastern time, I'll be back in an hour Queens.
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PetiteChick says:Posted: 03 Aug 10
Oh and studdy babe, the best way to find your "fine black women" (plural?)- which we are by the way - is to get a photo and stay off the blogs. Just a word of advice. If you do the anonymity route like our friend here you'll get nada, zilch, nothing. Black women have high standards.
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PetiteChick says:Posted: 03 Aug 10
Studd: I think you don't want to go there asking me a bunch of questions about this individual. As Tatted2Death stated, everyone knows who he is. I recommend you just read him for a while and soon enough he'll be referring to women as bitches and hoes just like he did in other blogs under another name. He has been admonished before only to return with a new "spin." PetiteChick say's just watch - he can't help himself.
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serenity33 says:Posted: 03 Aug 10
Oops. I got sloppy and put your email address down as mine and it went nowhere.;-) That's what happens when you try to pet your cats at the same time you are typing.;-) Joseph
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serenity33 says:Posted: 03 Aug 10
Don't know. It could be some of both. By the way I tried emailing you and it didn't go through at the address you gave me. No biggy. Just might want to get your address checked out. Sincerely, Joseph
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serenity33 says:Posted: 03 Aug 10
I don't know Jeff. I promised not to say anything else about this individual and I keep my word. My view is the site and the anonymity magnifies what is already there so you can be the judge of that. You are welcome to email me privately and/or stop by in PA to visit if you ever get in the area for some reason. I will put you up. Maybe we can have our own talk about religion but I won't shove it down your throat, I promise.;-) Take it easy my friend.:-) Sincerely, Joseph Evan Moyer
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studmuffin99 says:Posted: 03 Aug 10
She really seems to follow you to every post with her hatred. I follow you because you are interesting and kind even if I don't agree with your Christianity. This is a dating site and I see much superficiality by certain individuals. I have been on other dating sites and have never seen such hatred. I wonder if it is racial because they weren't interracial dating sites. I hope we can all put our religious and racial issues and just get a long and learn from each other. I feel bad that you are so persecuted Joseph. I am looking for some fine black women on this site and I hope they all aren't so hateful. Do you think the site brings it out or they are naturally that way? Jeff
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serenity33 says:Posted: 03 Aug 10
Hey Jeff, good to see you again.:-) Nice to know your name too.;-) I agree with you on this point but still think people are generally naturally superficial do to the moral decay of the country especially due to promiscuous sex. I lived at an apartment complex for a huge secular college name James Madison University. They were partying all the time and running around drunken and the young women there were as easy as anything. The local paper posted some disturbing statistics about the VD rate being really high there and the promiscuity rate being really high. And it is not just there but everywhere it seems. Statistical studies point it out all the time and you see it all the time on the news. My point being for this blog is that almost everyone is getting more superficial and online dating has turned into a meat market and a hookup device. Some try to find father's for their kids and some try to find mother's for their kids but sex seems the lowest common factor and one of the laws of group dynamics states that given anonymity and lack of accountability, the group, in this case, online daters, will stoop to the lowest common denominator which is sex and;or money which studies show is the psychological beauty enhancer both on and offline. Money can make up for a host of flaws on online dating sites making the people more superficial like they are in real life. The Anonymity has been shown in studies to increase superficiality because of lack of accountability. Tons of psychology studies have shown that people want to come up smelling like a rose in studies where they might be identified but they are much more shallow and honest about their shallowness in anonymous studies that don't hold the accountable. So I think it is some of both, Jeff. People are getting more superficial and morally bankrupt in general in this country and it is magnified on online dating sites. Regards, Jeff Joseph Moyer
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studmuffin99 says:Posted: 02 Aug 10
Totally on topic, it seems like the online dating does bring out superficiality like the man said in his video. Jeff
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studmuffin99 says:Posted: 02 Aug 10
I am totally confused. I don't understand what any of this has to do with the blog. It seems like they harbor a deep hatred towards an individual that they don't even know and are using the blog to take it out on him. Can someone else please explain what is going on? I came to talk about the blog subject.
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studmuffin99 says:Posted: 02 Aug 10
And why is everyone so down on this Serenity guy? I am not Christian but I have no problem with him. I am referring to the nasty remarks made by the female members higher up in the blog, no males.
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studmuffin99 says:Posted: 02 Aug 10What does your comment have to do with this blog, Petitechick? I come to blogs to talk about the topic of the blog? What's up with that?
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midnite says:Posted: 01 Aug 10
I educate and occasionally some retarded upstarts need a spanking because they have no respect for real knowledge old(the Bible) or new (statistics) The above is From your post to Tatted2Death on another note: "Put a crucifix to this biatches head and watch her sizzle!!" You counsel other people saying these things? OK, if you do then God help those who are listening to you. Why are you so angry at everyone?
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midnite says:Posted: 01 Aug 10
Hello Serenity33, what do you mean by "spanking?" Do you spank your patients? I see that you are a psychologist or something and was just wondering which school of thought spanks his/her patients. Isn't that violent and against the law?
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tatted2death says:Posted: 31 Jul 10You SOME of what sir serenity speaks is the truth.....but not all people fit into the general (widely known and accepted.....SAD) categories in which he conveniently puts people that DON'T accept him.....(WE ALL can see that more than likely he had been rejected by women that he "slashes and burns" in his post). MOST of the people that frequent dating sites ARE NOT rich or even truly modelesque (which ARE good things in my book). They are a cross section of the general population and are NOT immune to "dressing up" the less flattering parts of the selves. Some do this MORE than others.....SO WHAT??? This might require that you rub more than the THREE brain cells you might have and ACTUALLY THINK and try to get to know an individual.....SO WHAT!!!! I understand it is MUCH EASIER to just skim the surface and then toss an individual in the pile of bullshyt you've probably already dug up for them. PEACE PEOPLE tatted2death
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fenway2k says:Posted: 30 Jul 10
Alrighty then.....what the hell did I just miss?
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serenity33 says:Posted: 26 Jul 10
Easily spoken from the shadows of anonymity. I can't take cowardly anonymous people seriously. And the studies about looks consciousness are not a chip on my shoulder but tons of psychological studies which you would know if you studied psychology as many years as I have and down as many years of counseling I have done. Sounds like someone has a guilty conscious about what they have gotten in life and are in denial about what really helped them get there!! Even the Chappelle show has a skit on a woman who complains that she is tired of her breasts being too large and she finds out all the things she would have missed out on if she was flat chested!! It is common knowledge that our society is based on looks so don't blame me for the game or pointing out it exists. Own up and do something to fight the game. Plus there are relatives levels of attractiveness. If you are pretty in large cities, you have other attractive women to compete with so that makes a difference but all those attractive women still have the edge over the unattractive women out there who don't stand an icecube's chance in hell of getting what they want compared to the societally attractive women in the world. And no, my long and drawn out paragraphs and Big words don't make me wise. My many various life experiences which are more than you could ever handle a fraction of, are what make me wise. I spent almost all my life learning from others while you were getting laid being a single mom and not working on a real relationship that would last so you wouldn't be a single mom. Having to raise a kid takes a lot of your time away while I was talking to people gathering wisdom. I won't tell you how to raise your child and how good a job you did if you don't dictate to me what is wisdom and what is not because it is obvious you didn't make wise decisions in your life by the outcome. I wouldn't want to be a single parent because the price is too high when it comes to gaining wisdom and insight. I traveled all over to talk to wise educated and elderly people which I couldn't have done with a kid. I never partied or goofed off drinking or doing drugs or flirting which is all a waste of time. So when you get your degree from Seminary and in Psychology and have spent your entire life studying and helping others like my profile says(which I doubt you have the patience or understanding to read it) as well as having many Pastors and people of all religions and viewpoints give me their advice as well missionaries from all over the world, then you can tell me what's what. And I know that Jesus loves me and knew it growing up enough not to sleep with someone and have a single child. Thanks anyway for your insecure input. Like I said, argue with me privately if you have the guts and just aren't showing off to people. I would LOVE to argue privately and never write anything to show off to anyone but nobody ever has the guts to take me up on my offer but have been cowards because they are too busy hiding behind their anonymity. Joseph Evan Moyer
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anonymous26 says:Posted: 26 Jul 10your long drawn out paragraphs and "Big Words" doesn't make you a WISE man
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anonymous26 says:Posted: 26 Jul 10
@ serenity: "because everyone knows attractive people get treated better in this world." LOL your opinion darlin... Look @ how your judging me.. thats BS.. I've worked hard for everything I have, I'm a strong independent woman, single mom, student, and Nothing has been handed to me on a silver platter!! You can ramble on for pages, but that won't change whatever chip you have on your shoulder!! P.s. I like "anonymous" the song... It's nice :) God Bless you darlin,, and smile because Jesus loves you
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serenity33 says:Posted: 24 Jul 10
Because of the anonymity, dating sites are much more inclined to make their true colors come out because they have nothing to hold them accountable. This was already showed in anonymous surveys given to people because when women were "asked" face to face how looks conscious and/or gold-digging they were in person, the percentage was small. But those same women were given an anonymous survey and they admitted that 85 percent of them WERE look-conscious and/or gold digging because their anonymity made it so they weren't embarrassed and no one would know who gave what answer. The same thing happens because of sites like this because people can lie even more. I have talked to men and women who used false pictures, false names and tons of false information because they were anonymous. I noticed your screen name is anonymous26 so you can say whatever you want. Of course the site doesn't display it itself, but it encourages the people to be more dishonest about who they really are IF they feel they have a chance of actually meeting the person because then they know they will be caught. Also the more attractive people usually have the worst most selfish profiles because they are used to having things handed to them on silver platter because everyone knows attractive people get treated better in this world. So do the ones who have money and can brag about it. The less attractive females compensate by being more easy to snag men through their sex drives or they make up better personalities on their profiles to compensate. Men try to play up their money if they don't have looks and if they don't have that, then they try and play up their personalities even more to compensate. It usually doesn't work because of women are so look conscious and/or gold-digging that they don't really care about the man's personality as long as the man is handsome and/or rich. Men with money and/or looks are more inclined to act more selfish in their profiles and can afford to be real jerks while the women who are really good looking can afford to be reach selfish and self-centered in their profiles because they know the men only want to get in their pants and don't care about their personalities. Women also who are very attractive often are more likely not to put much about anything in their profiles and just show off a lot of sexy pictures but don't really tell you a thing about themselves except for a few selfish qualifications that they have of men. That is why they have most often, tell you later plus men and women are lazy about reading long profiles and want to cut to the part they care about which isn't really the personality. So long profiles will go unread or without a good picture, will go unread even one line. You will also notice that women who have children often put down that they will tell you later because women who have children and are single are lowered in value than women who don't have children for the guy they hook up with to support. Women with children often tend to be more gold-digging out of necessity because they are looking for a father to pay for their children and help raise them. The sad part is that I have studied this site and looked at easily over a thousand profiles by now and their is an incredible amount of single moms. They either never got married or they are divorced. To be fair, there probably are just as many men who fathered those children but don't have to raise them and leave the responsibility to the mother and they are free to go look for another female. And the most shallow thing that everyone puts down is the love to travel. Traveling is expensive and unless it is done for some time of humanitarian aid, it is done totally for selfish pleasure and the people never usually learn a single thing that will help them grow or enlighten them one iota and have gained no wisdom from the experience. They may gain some knowledge but wisdom is harder to come buy. Traveling is usually done for hedonistic fun. That saddest cases are the 18 to 24 year olds who want to travel and don't put much about themselves except they want to travel and they use their good looks to get somebody to pay for them to travel to see them and usually sex is exchanged for traveling and being put up during the duration of the travel. These are young ladies who don't want to go to college yet and want to use their youth and good looks before they diminish as they get older to get what they want. They usually get expensive gifts too for their sexual favors and it is usually men older than them which is why they put down males 18-99 as the age range. That is a sure fire indication that they want to travel and be pampered by their temporary sugar daddies until one party of the other gets bored and then they move on to someone else. Unfortunately, often a child results and they have to come home a single mother and then their value goes down and they have to gain some skill to earn a job or move back in with their parents. I have seen this phenomena hundreds and hundreds of times not on this site but also on other sites. Some do it to try and leave an impoverished situation from poorer countries or countries that don't value women like African countries like Ghana and Russian countries where the economy is bad or Asian countries where male children are valued and the practice of selling or killing female children still exists. And some are just out right scams that even guys posing as women online to get money sent to them. There are websites that constantly point out scams and where scams can be reported to, it is that bad. The bottom line is the lack of honesty and/or depth and altruism that dating websites cause. They are the wave of the future as people become busier and busier in the world but we need to encourage users to be more honest and altruistic on these sites. That is why I never hid my true name because I have nothing to hide and why my profile is so long because I do look for deeper things in life and am looking for people to interact with share the same values that I do. The problem is that most people don't learn until they have made a ton of mistakes like sleeping around before marriage which no only is Biblically wrong but has shown to be psychologically unhealthy for the children and parent a like. Even the men who think they just had a fun booty call are suffering psychologically as their morals decay and they have a more shallow and insulting view of women as women do of them. People need to learn early on that they shouldn't use their looks to manipulate others and to have a least a set of morals that are psychologically healthy even though they aren't religious or seriously religious. They will avoid a lot of mistakes when they are young if they adopt a healthier world view that isn't so selfish and hedonistic oriented. And of course it is hard when everyone parties when they are young and experiments and wants to fit in with the rest of the hedonistic crowd. And are media encourages us to be selfish and hedonistic. It is almost impossible to turn on the TV without seeing in a show or a commercial, some type of hedonism and selfishness. Buy this car, drink for fun, treat everyone as pieces of meat while you are still young, money and looks are the goal to happiness, by pills for better sex for men, etc. And the sad part is hedonism is so glorified, study commercials and see how often the word "decadent" comes up when it comes to chocolate or or foods or things that are just hedonistic oriented that have nothing of real value other than hedonism attached to it. I cringe every time they use the word "decadent" in a positive manner like it is so decadently good!! What an oxymoron to anyone with two braincells to rub together and thinks anything through other than hedonism and selfishness. Not a religion in the world promotes decadence and not a psychologist worth anything will ever tell you to go out and do something decadently good!! You people, think about your actions before you let your impulses get the better of you and older people, don't look fondly on the "decadent fun" you had when you were younger but instead, try to educate the young people with error of their ways if you have grown up and become wise enough to do it. That is why they have the saying, "There is no fool, like an old fool" and a wise person listens once and learns while fool NEVER learns." Don't be a fool. Finally, if you are thinking I am being too harsh, I have a saying that is patented by me that I reply when older people say I am being too harsh on young people and didn't I do that when I was young like them? I tell them the truth. I say, "I was never that young!!" Joseph Moyer PS If anyone wants my email address to argue further, they are welcome to have it for I have nothing to hide.
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anonymous26 says:Posted: 24 Jul 10
No people's true colors just come out on their profile,, the site doesn't do it , they display their personalities themselves..
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serenity33 says:Posted: 18 Jul 10
I am doing fine. Thank you for asking. And no argument there on your statement. I am hoping that people can be deeper and non-superficial on or off a dating site and I think they are even more superficial on dating sites because of the anonymity and lack of accountability. It is easier to cold bust someone who is being superficial if you know them in person and have any length of contact with them. And by your name, according to the folklore about Ichibod Crane, I would say you made it across the bridge before the headless horseman got you.:-) Regards, Joseph
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Ichibod says:Posted: 18 Jul 10
People are and can be superficial without the help of a dating site. How ya doing, Serenity33?
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PetiteChick says:Posted: 17 Jul 10
@Fedup You studying toooooo? Oh my! Well that's about the fifth person I've come across in one month who say's they are studying IR dating. I'm flabbergasted. I guess this is why the site let's every Tom, Dick, Harry, Jane and June on here to post salacious tirades as it pertains to their hot topic issue of Black and White dating and the hatred of Blacks towards one another. You'll see that Blacks comprise the majority of the discussions - no matter the subject matter. (That's if you're still researching that is). Well, I guess it's about their bottom line! Let's see, Bliss72, Regina711, Serenity33, now you. I know there's one more I've encountered but the name (probably not real in in the least) escapes me. *snickering* Best of luck!
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PetiteChick says:Posted: 17 Jul 10
One last thing Serenity: Anyone can have power over another. Just by the sheer fact that you stay awake at night to conjure up ways to get with, have or even get back at another. You lose your power when you let another's thoughts, words and actions consume you. They are the victor. Trust me, I know. Bye now.
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PetiteChick says:Posted: 17 Jul 10
Eeeew, ewwwww, ewwwwww, go over to the marriage one. Preach and study over there. Everybody's a studying these days about interracial relationships *Petite wants to roll out down on the flo laffing till her side splits* You just landed here so......
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PetiteChick says:Posted: 17 Jul 10
Well, I suggest you visit every blog. This sister can't help ya! Peace darling!
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serenity33 says:Posted: 17 Jul 10
Well that may be the norm of this society but one can choose not to mindless automaton and think for one's self. It isn't easy and just like an AA meeting, I think to kick the addiction of this mentally, one needs to go to a higher power. You already know which one I ascribe to but that is one thing I respect about the Muslim religion is their purity. Now if they could only find equality for their women, they would be making some real progress. As far as what I am looking for, I am looking to study interracial relationships since five of mine were interracial and I am curious if everyone had my kind of experience or if they had different ones. And maybe on blogs, I chastise the masses but it is only a blog and easily forgotten so I search for the rare few who feel like fighting the existentially void existences and want to change for the better. Plus pastoral counselors who special in marriage counseling can't get involved with any of their clients even if the client is single or divorced. That is a rule of counseling that and counselor with integrity follows. I have learned a lot already from this site and hope to learn more because the more I learn, the better I can help those that I am counseling since I counsel a lot of interracial couples and don't want my counseling just to be based on my experiences. I am probably going to end up like John the Baptist and be a voice in the wilderness but that is what it takes to fight the indoctrination of our society. I personally wish I had someone like myself to guide me when I was growing up and when I was experiencing things but there was no one there. If I reach just one person to be different like myself, then I will have accomplished a good thing. Those who don't learn from the past, are doomed to repeat the mistakes of the past whether it be your own past or someone else's past so hopefully someone can learn from my mistakes and not repeat them. If you looked at my profile and have seen the places were I have worked like abused children's homes and with cons and excons and with the mentally ill, you might know a fraction of the evil I have seen and the end result where our society is going to take us in the end if someone doesn't try and bring about change. And even if I am only one person, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. PS As society becomes more equal, women are more looks conscious about men than men are about women. Psychological studies show that. When the average man is just after sex, he becomes less fussy about what looks while like I said, most women have more control over their sex-drive and have become more looks-conscious and/or money conscious about who they date than men are. Women have learned since as far back as Cleopatra that sex is the great equalizer that allows women to control most men. They used that in the past to try and balance the power inequality and now as they become more equal, they just keep that in their arsenal since it is their oldest weapon but end up picking up the bad habits that used to be more male and exercise it themselves. They pay the price of loosing the good qualities that made them unique as women. Sad but true. And even men are starting to use the sex drive of older women to their advantage just like women had been doing towards younger men. So the young handsome man now knows the power he has over women which is something I have seen time and time again with handsome ex-cons who are at halfway houses and have plenty of sugar-mommy's to take care of them. Thus the cycle stays the same but some of the players change. Women still do it which is why the most attractive women just post their pictures and tell virtually nothing about themselves of nothing of substance while the less attractive women often are the one's who tell the most about themselves in their profile and rely on the male's need for a mother figure to snag the man's interest. The games continue with no end in sight.
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PetiteChick says:Posted: 17 Jul 10
more @ serenity: "...Soon, the institute of marriage will be meaningless and we will end up falling like the Roman Empire as they spiraled downward into chaos and decadence and crumbled into nothingness. Never give up and never make excuses for your failures to grow deeper. Accept responsibility, learn from your mistake, don’t repeat the mistake and move on with your life. More specifically: "...That is how the growth cycle works. I say this as a marriage and premarital counselor who has seen way too many divorces and as a Pastoral counselor." Petite: Wow, why are you on this site? Did you come to find a love? I'm not looking to marry anybody ma'self but if you are a pastoral counselor, what in tar-nation are you doing here? Did you come to chastise the masses? LOL. You can forget that. We live in a society where immediate and instantaneous gratification is the norm, without regard for others and without regard to how you might just feel the next day. Best to ya!
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PetiteChick says:Posted: 17 Jul 10
@serenity: "...That is why the Westernized culture has the highest divorce rate of any cultures and it is only climbing as divorced people outnumber single and especially married individuals." The above is very very true! I think the reason is due in part to the superficiality of some. Women choosing men based on things maybe they should not to sustain a good marriage. I chose my husband because he loved me and I him. That worked for 20 years! And likewise men choosing based on looks. Either is superficial in nature. Sometimes when you peel back the wrappings there's nothing there!
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PetiteChick says:Posted: 17 Jul 10
Hi Serenity. I didn't say "all." Western culture, in my opinion is based on superficial behavior in my opinion - derived from capitalism. This thread doesn't speak of religion and Godly like issues, so that is not what I addressed. I addressed the video for what it was and answered based on my opinion. Which is again: Humans are oft times superficial. Yepper. BTW, I saw that you viewed.
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serenity33 says:Posted: 16 Jul 10
I disagree. Not everyone in this world is superficial. Through the power of Christ and Intrinsic(not extrinsic) Christianity, we are able to rise above our limitations and become greater than this world and not superficial pawns in a media controlled Westernized society. Not only should you ask the same criteria that you would for online dating but even more. Everyone goes on looks that hasn't first reached for self-enlightenment and thus they are doomed to be shallow and superficial but if we ask more deeper questions, the kind that Jesus would have asked whether you believe in him or not, you are more likely to be a deeper and enlightened individual like he was and people throughout history and proven that that has been possible. Once you give into superficiality, you have given up and are just making excuses not to grow. Never stop asking more questions especially about someone you might want to spend the rest of your life with and don't give into shallow things like sex before marriage or else you will be trapped and blinded in the haze of lust and hedonism. So ask a million personal questions of someone you are interested online and do the same of anyone you would meet in person especially to try and see through their facade since most people do have hidden agendas and have given up on deepening themselves in altruistic ways. That is why we have the highest divorce rate in the world and are growing higher. Soon, the institute of marriage will be meaningless and we will end up falling like the Roman Empire as they spiraled downward into chaos and decadence and crumbled into nothingness. Never give up and never make excuses for your failures to grow deeper. Accept responsibility, learn from your mistake, don't repeat the mistake and move on with your life. That is how the growth cycle works. I say this as a marriage and premarital counselor who has seen way too many divorces and as a Pastoral counselor.
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Member says:Posted: 15 Jul 10
After months of observation on this site the general feel was always sexual. Nothing about the mind or interest, dreams or what you might expire too. All the conversations that took place was 99% about how hot you looked and "SEX". To me the site is a big shoping mall for free-for-all sex play. This goes on both sides. Nothing serious became of any contact if I wan't going to put out. The other is White Males wanting to cross over for the first time just to taste the honey. The only search going on is for Sex....Those who are really looking for a special someone to have a relationship with is non-existing. A Lot of game playing and pitting one against the other to see who puts out the most. This conclusion came after having conversation with a number of women.
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PetiteChick says:Posted: 15 Jul 10
"...Question is: Would you contact a person who doesn’t have those “searchable characteristics”? Are we limiting ourselves by using this criteria?" ^^^^^^^^^^^ I always thought "mate selection" was a certain set of criteria and a number of processes that we use to determine who and what we want in a mate. If we remove the "search' criteria and take it down to bare knuckles, what are we in fact doing? Looking for anyone? Using criteria, setting parameters are as old as mankind with the exception of those nationalities whose culture dictates their marital fate. Western civilization, however, has always used "criteria to factor in or out potential mates. The video was quite interesting in the fact that it discusses online dating. However, the same can hold true for dating in real-life (blind dates, someone you met in the Church, park, grocer aisle or wherever. HELLO EVERYBODY, humans are SUPERFICIAL and we live in a superficial world. Oft times people present themselves in one view or light when in fact it can sometimes be "NOT WHAT YOU EXPECTED." Intentionally? Sometimes, sometimes it is not.
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serenity33 says:Posted: 15 Jul 10
Dating sites are just like real which is just a meat market based on appearance and only a facade of deeper things. But in dating sites, you attract more gold-diggers because it is easier to see what someone makes and we all know that money is the greatest of all beauty enhancers when it comes to attracting women.;-) Plus with the anonymity, you can be even more shallow than normal when it comes to dating sites and no one will ever know plus you can deceive more easily than real life. Women are the most looks and money conscious and will use their own looks to try and snag men they want. Men are more sexually based so the main beauty enhancement a woman can use is being more easy sexually which is why overweight women are more inclined to find a good looking man as long as the woman is more easy than the more societally attractive females. The difference in sexual peaks makes a difference too causing younger women to use their looks and not to be so sexually ruled as younger men. That is why it is easier for younger women that are considered pretty to manipulate men of all ages who are more interested in sex, because the younger female is not at her peak and therefore more in control of their sexual desire if they have any yet, and then the female can be more choosy about looks and/or money than men are about it. That is why the Westernized culture has the highest divorce rate of any cultures and it is only climbing as divorced people outnumber single and especially married individuals. It is amazing how many women post nothing about their demographic or remotely personal information and just post an attractive picture of themselves while the less attractive women are more inclined to try and say more personal things about themselves in hopes of catching a male by indicating how easy they are or how good their personality's are. And all our TV and media and movies are based on that exact thing. For example, the Twilight Trilogy is a perfect example of that with the movies being the most popular movies for younger women of all time. Not until true honesty comes back and we are forced to face the selfishness and shallowness and the evil in our society and other societies around the world that we corrupt with our ways, do we have a chance of breaking this cycle and get back to developing healthy relationships.
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Well I wish someone would give me the website online that this Queens person posted his picture twice on. Because this is the only place I have my picture besides Eharmony. Is this guy black or what? I am totally confused and don't know how my picture got posted online if it is the same website. Someone who had an account please email me with the website that this picture is supposed to be on. You can email it to Serenity33 which would be greatly appreciated because if someone else is using my picture, I would like to know who and report them. But they had better be white or else it is someone else that is posing with two names. Also, I checked godiva61's profile and it says she hasn't been online for three weeks. Check it out yourself. There is some weird stuff going on here because how could she not be on for three weeks and just post? It would have registered as having her on. Also email me with the two names and I will do a google web search to see if two different names come up with the same picture so we can end this once and for all. Joseph Evan Moyer