Cheating … is this how we are wired?
Biologists say we should not be too surprised by spouses who have affairs
Monogamy could be the rule for the flatworm that lives in the gills of freshwater fish … but is this the case for humans and every other living creature? Apparently not. Biologists believe nature prefers that man and beast have numerous sexual partners. It’s no wonder even public figures like New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer and others get caught cheating on their mates.
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But are we really wired that way?
TIME magazine’s science editor Jeffrey Kluger told TODAY’s Meredith Vieira that "Nature wants one thing, and what it wants are babies … It also wants lots of them and it wants variety, because the greater the genetic variety, the greater the likelihood that the babies are going to survive to adulthood and do well. So even when we’ve had children, we have some very primal software that keeps telling us, ‘Look around.’ ᾿
Apparently, those animals – like eagles, geese and beavers – that we thought remained monogamous throughout their lives get out at night for a little extra on the side according to some DNA testing. Only the freshwater flatworm that physically attaches itself to a mate for life is officially the monogamous creatures.
Most cultures are polygamous and men screwing around is perfectly acceptable. But have we evolved beyond our biological impulses? Yes! Men and women agreed that humans do have the ability to override their genetic and biological programming, with 65 percent of men and 75 percent of women ‘claiming’ that they have never cheated on their spouses.
University of Texas psychologist, David Buss however attributes this to the reputational damages that accompany straying. “When people get caught straying, they incur reputational damage, and we are very concerned about our social reputations.᾿
Much as people shy away from admitting such stuff, we need to remember that that both men and women experience lust in their hearts … it is normal to feel attracted to other people besides your spouse. And as much as both men and women cheat, scientifically, men are more likely to. “First of all, men simply can breed more. Men biologically can conceive a child every day if they wanted to. So we’re trip-wired for that kind of thing,᾿ says Kluger. And personality does matter too.
However, next time you are caught with your pants down, don’t say “Biology made me do this.᾿ I believe there is no excuse for infidelity. We have inhibitions and ability to choose whether we want to or not.
Do you believe we are wired to cheat on our mates? Who comes up with this stuff anyway coz people
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11 responses to "Cheating … is this how we are wired?"
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montana says:Posted: 07 Jan 09after being cheated on several times i became a cheater. i did not plan it, however, i knew what i was getting myself into. i was married at the time for 8 yrs and he was engaged to be married in 2 months. we met sparks flew and the next thing i knew we were having hott sex and conversations. i found that cheating is exciting and it makes your heart feel young. but when u step back and think about it u feel like a dirty deceiving person. his engagment was called off and she left him only to return 3 months later and we never stopped loving or seeing one another. he plans to be married in april, however, if i leave my husband he will not marry her. since i cheated it seems so easy anyone can do it and get away with it. my hubby told me after he had an affair that sex means nothing u just do it, get up, wash off, and come home. signed forever a cheater
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pooch says:Posted: 18 Dec 08
Sense21, You made some vaild points. I have heard that men love varity and they love the chase without the conquer. I also heard it is like getting high, and that (high) is the chasing and once they come down, they have to start all over with chasing something new to get that (high) again. Mainly it is the thrill of the chase. But what they do not realize is that they are leaving a string of women who will be abused mentally and do not understand why them. But be it to those that do cheat "God is not mocked; whatsoever a man sowth that shall he also reap" (Gal.6:7 ) It come back in a time in their lives when they are ready to settle down, and do it right. And that main person that loved them so is the main person they want back in their life. And this is when they find themselves battle the same question Why.
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senses21 says:Posted: 14 Dec 08
I totally agree with peacelilly! Everything she says is right. I have been the one cheated on and I know it wasn't because my husband's needs weren't being met at home. Believe me, I probably met his needs too much, if there is such a thing...and maybe that in itself is to my detriment! I value marriage and comitted relationships, and personally, I feel that if you have to have variety, even if the woman at home is extremely attracive to you, then please, do her a huge favor, and be true to yourself, and do not comitt, do not preten that you can or that you want to, and by all means, DO NOT GET MARRIED...because you are living a total lie and completely ruining the spirit of the woman who's in love with you, assuming she is in a monogamous relationship. What you cheaters and liars NEED to be spending your time doing, is looking in the mirror and learning to love YOURSELF! Find some serious self-worth, and if that takes years, so be it. Until you can honestly do that, and do it succesfully, you will continue to carry around the baggage of crap that causes you to think so lowly of yourself every single day (whether you think you think lowly of yourself or not....believe me, you DO, if you are cheating and lying to a woman who has unconditional devoted her soul and her heart to you! If you continue down this path of self-destruction, hurting good women along the way....believe me, the end of your journey of life will be quite painful and lonely, and at that point, it will be too late to change who you are. Cheating has NOTHING to do with biology. Cheating, like almost everything else in life....is a personal CHOICE. Cheaters know exactly what they are doing and they know exactly how their partners will feel IF they get caught, and at the time of flirtation and lust, they do not care! Cheaters do not think they will get caught and they love the rush of it all. As my husband told me, "I loe the conquer. Once the conquer is done, I don't want it anymore." How pathetic and sad! So, although he married me and we still have regular sex, I guess I am conquered now, and no longer a chase, so no longer fun. I'm a sure thing now, and that's just not very exciting, I guess. The sadder part is that if/when you leave the cheater and someday make an attempt at love again, with a new partner, the cycle starts over again. It's always a risk. You never really know who you're with. Not too many people value marriage anymore and cheating seems to be the trend of the new generation. Again, it comes down to choices. We choose to cheat or not, we choose to marry or not, and at the end of the day, we will choose whether we allow the people we have chosen to share our lives with to steal our joy and spirit.
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peacelilly says:Posted: 25 Sep 08
The reason people cheating is such a complex issue. Boredom at home, sense of entitlement, we are "just animals", ability to comparmentalize actions from feelings... And in my opinion, while to the cheater the "reason" may be valid, they never seem to think about the havoc it will wreak on their partner. And it absolutely smacks of disrespect for the primary relationship and partner as well as the other woman/man. It is the ultimate in self centeredness. Cheaters often want it both ways - they want the security of the relationship and the excitement of the new "thang". Poetlove has it right - either be in it or be out of it, but you don't get it both ways.
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poetlove says:Posted: 12 Jul 08Cheating is dirty if you don't want to be with the person let them go.If you want to be with them be faithful. I know temptation is hard, but you'll get better satisfaction from coming home knowing you did nothing wrong is priceless:)
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missthang100 says:Posted: 26 May 08
I think the excuse that it's biological is just plain ignorant. I, too agree with the previous comment that men and women who cheat just want to have their cake and eat it too. If it's so biological, then everything we do in life should be biological also. So, the next time I am cranky and pissed off and don't feel like going into work, I am going to blame it on biology.
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htblnde1977 says:Posted: 21 May 08
I also agree with the other comments. Marriage is not mandatory so if you chose to play the field then stay out there and do it. I do not agree with the person not taking care of the other person at home being the reason though because its about newness and excitement. I think its more lust than love! They do not necessarily want to leave their spouse or (the person taking care of them) they want their cake and eat it to.
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BREEZINBYE says:Posted: 20 May 08IF WE WERE ANIMALS, THEN WE WOULD NOT BE HUMANS AND HAVE THE DOMINANCE OVER THE EARTH AND SOULS FOR WHICH WE ARE ACCOUNTABLE TO GOD FOR, THEREFORE, IT IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO BLAME INFEDELITY ON BIOLOGY. WE HAVE CHOICES IN LIFE WHICH WE LIVE AND DIE BY. IF WE GIVE INTO EVERY INSTINCTUAL URGE, IT IS GIVING NO THOUGHT TO THE CONSEQUENCES INVOLVED, IF WE DENY THEY EXIST, IT ALLOWS THEM TO CONTROL US, THEREFORE, HUMAN THOUGHT MUST BALANCE INTELLIGENCE AND MORAL APPLICATION TO ENSURE THE DESIRED RESULTS OF AN ORGANIZED SOCIETY AND ACCOUNTABILITY TO GOD. OFCOURSE I, NOR ANYONE IS PERFECT, AND WE GO AGAINST OUR OWN BELIEFS AT TIMES, BUT WE MUST SET OUR COURSE FOR RIGHT!!
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cocobaker813 says:Posted: 18 May 08There are so many reasons behind cheating! I agree with stacie305 when she says that men and women cheat when needs aren't met at home(by mates). I also see it as a lack of immaturity and plain laziness in some cases. If humans are supposed to be "evolved", shouldn't better behavior be expected of us? If a person craves diversity, don't promise monogamy! If monogamy goes against biology, why do cheating spouses marry? And another thing, for all that easy breeding, be prepared to pay(financially, at least) for all those kids that men are "hardwired" into creating all over the place!
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stacie305 says:Posted: 14 May 08I personally believe men and women cheat when their needs are being met at home...but I just don't understand why those people simply just don't end the currect relationship before they go out and have an affiar with someone else. You know in your heart when it's over..you just don't want to do the work to end the relationship. Not wired...just horny I guess. Men..before you cheat on me...just dump me...how hard is that????
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Being that this is my second marriage; the first ended because we both cheated, I am fully aware of the pain that this issue can and does create. So now that I am older and wiser I fully understand the consequences of my actions. Although I am presented with many chances (and choices of women) to cheat with I DON'T! I prefer to go home and fight with my wife then have INSANE SEX when we make up rather than to cheat. I DO MISS THE VARIETY of women that I used to have; black, white, asian, newyourican and it is very difficult not to cheat until I remember that I HATE CONDOMS and love to sleep. So considering the potential possibilities I go home and eat! This way I can sleep afterwards and not worry that I have become the next Magic Johnson!!