Black women. Black men. Best frenemies.
I have to agree there is a large number of loving couples within the black community. That aside, we still have a crisis within black relationships. For eons on end, black women and black men have been at each others necks … still are. They experience this when trying to date, marry and even stay together and most of these attempts end in mutual misunderstandings and mutual blame.
Find your soulmate on InterracialDatingCentral
In the book What's Love Got to Do with It?: Understanding and Healing the Rift Between Black Men and Women 77.1% of black mothers tell their daughters negative tales about black men. And those who don’t get the dirt from mommy have on going ‘reality shows’ - their parents’ relationships. And this could be where the urge to strangle or b**ch about every black man that walks by starts.
But what is more surprising is that people feel interracial dating within the black community is what is causing more of this frenemity. Check out what one blogger asked: “When did splintering off to date outside the race, looking for a successful partner anywhere but within black America, and promoting the myth that black men are "players" and black women are "emasculating" become the norm?”
Splintering off? Is that what people call it when one opts for interracial dating? Let’s not even look that far … I have seen the fires members on this blog ignite just because of black-white dating. Makes me wonder if other communities have this love-hate relationship of their sexes.
So when did this frenemity between black men and women actually begin? How are we to explain these heightened levels of tension and conflict between them? What could be the root cause of this turbulence? Is interracial dating (black-white dating in particular) the main cause? Really?
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279 responses to "Black women. Black men. Best frenemies."
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malarki5 says:Posted: 18 May 09
Aaziah said: "@malarki5 How Appropriate! Your making this too easy! Thats just what my response to your comment was going to be… MALARKEY!" Menelik replies: Well, I guess it beats answering any of my questions! Menelik Charles London England
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Aaziah says:Posted: 18 May 09
@malarki5 How Appropriate! Your making this too easy! Thats just what my response to your comment was going to be... MALARKEY! :) definition: Exaggerated or foolish talk, usually intended to deceive: “snookered by a lot of malarkey" Well, not I! I have NEVA subscribed to that malarkey! Your just one man! Sorry! I know a slew of 'em that feel otherwise! Black women are strong enough to even love those who hate on them. Hang in there Marlarki5. One day after self-discovery and then acceptance/love, the site of a black woman won't remind you of what you didn't like about yourself. Be Blessed!
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Member says:Posted: 18 May 09
@malarki5 Black men lick yourself are uselss to the black community. And I'm not one of those black women who brushed off the good guys for the thugs. Nope. I brushed the good black men away because I don't WANT a black man. There are BETTER options OUTSIDE the black race. So stfu.
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malarki5 says:Posted: 18 May 09
@ Sister Aaziah, I wonder what mothers would say to their sons and daughters whom they've apparently chosen to have with 'unsuitable' mates? And what would young Black men say to the sisters who over-look them for thugs i.e. 'unsuitable' men and end up with children from multiple fathers? What say mothers to these fatherless children, sister friend? What does the 'good' Black man who ended up with a non-Black woman when a sister gives him hate stares on the street, at the club etc for simply being with her? Sisters have had their chances and umpteen choices and they have simply blown them to pieces! Now what do you say to that, sister friend? Menelik Charles London England
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Khoibito says:Posted: 18 May 09In response to the 5/18 post from (so-called) Truth (1) If you're tired of reading such posts, then DON'T READ THEM! Simple solution to a simple-minded problem. (2) Everybody analyzes everybody; it's human nature. Oh, and by the way, it's also a science called Psychology. (3) And if you think whites treat their children like gold, you need to pay closer attention to the news or just get out of your cave. Some poor whites raise their kids as badly as low income blacks; just as upper income whites raise their kids as well as upper income blacks. By the way, do you even pay attention tothe world around you? (4) Unlike you, I have heard white women say they don't like white men; and let's not even talk about the volume of Asian women who prefer white men. So clearly my exposure to different races is broader than your's. (5) Self-hatred is wholly different from "frustration" with the opposite sex within one's own race. Many successful black men would prefer a black woman, but cannot find the right black woman, especially after being exposed to white, Asian, Latin women whose perspective on relationship significantly differs for the better. Self-hatred is an outgrowth of someone raised mostly around a different culture, and hates his own kind because they act differently from the culture he/she is accustomed.
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Aaziah says:Posted: 18 May 09
Oh, BTW -Comment by Khoibit?! Thank you! I've got you're back! I agree with everything you've said, some of which I've only heard myself say! I miss the days when we all agreed on who "the man" was. When black men didnt need to be validated by blue eyes. Those are the ones who'd turn on their own kind!
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Aaziah says:Posted: 18 May 09
*Something that I found, ENJOY! *Aaziah* (asia) The Murder of Black Women... The Apology Have a seat sister...this may take a while. Don’t be afraid. The two pistols you see smoking in my hands are harmless now. Both clips are empty, much like a Larry Elders speech. And even though I was aiming at the System when I first unloaded shots into the air, I see now that I missed the target. The System remains intact while you sit wounded and battle-weary from decades of bullets being lodged deep into your heart and soul. I murdered you many times. Still, you didn’t die: not even once. I apologize for abandoning you and leaving you to fend for yourself in a world as cruel as it is cold. I should have supported you when you offered to be apart of the struggle. But the struggle was an internal one as well as an external one, and I was losing on both fronts. I got mad at you for straightening your hair, for slow dancing in the arms of white men, for challenging my manhood and comparing it to other races. I hated the way the System divided us by promoting you and demoting me, but instead of uniting with you and having your back, I attacked you and left you alone in your grief. I apologize for flaunting white women in your face as soon as I got money or fame. I was suffering from a mental illness that had me believing that my self-worth had to be approved by blue eyes. I know it hurt you to see me betray you so quickly, so easily, and so often. I had you feeling as though you were not worthy to be in my arms when the opposite was true. I was not worthy of yours. I apologize for calling you a "%&@$!" and a "hoe" and treating you like a sexual object in my music, and in the streets, and amongst my homeboys. I felt powerless and frustrated, lost in maze of self-hatred. I raped you, and pimped you, and beat you, and cursed you, and tried to destroy you in the same way I felt destroyed. The pressures of society triggered the implosion that almost destroyed everything inside of me. And you got caught up in the blast because you were always so determined to stand firmly by my side. I murdered you many times. Still, you didn’t die: not even once. I apologize for cheating on you, abusing you, and leaving you as soon as you got pregnant. I pretended like the child wasn’t mine. I even asked you to kill the baby because I knew I wasn’t responsible enough to rear him/her properly. When you refused, I reluctantly tossed you a few dollars each month and felt like that’s all I had to do to be a father. I apologize for turning you into a single mother instead of a happy wife. I apologize for selling drugs and going to prison and using the streets as an excuse for my failure. I didn’t want to be like the honest folks in my hood who worked hard and had nothing to show for it. I wanted more out of life but didn’t have the courage or the insight to follow the path of the brothers who worked hard in school to build stable futures and lives for themselves. I grew up angry at the world and my environment. But instead of using this anger in a constructive manner, I beat down and shot up the first brother who stepped on my shoes in the club. I apologize for dying so young in the streets. I just wanted respect. I just wanted power. And the only people in my hood who possessed these qualities were the gangsters and thugs and dealers. You warned me to be careful. You begged me to slow down. But I didn’t listen. The respect of the street was all I had. It was something I was willing to kill for, to even die for. I was fighting a war against myself, and dying for a cause that didn’t exist. I apologize for breaking your heart and betraying your trust and hurting you so badly that you became almost as racist as the System. You started calling all black men dogs and writing cruel little Waiting to Exhale type books that spent too much time degrading me instead of explaining that good black men are the majority. Your anger and books flew high, like African Jehaka birds, towards the tree branches of my soul. But instead of forgiving me and attempting to rebuild your nest, your anger and books became woodpeckers and pecked away at what was left of me. You screamed out that good black men were hard to find and blamed me for your actions when you held white men in your arms. I tried to tell you that I was the minority, and that good black men were everywhere, but it was easier for you to point fingers at me than it was to give these brothers a chance. I should have treated you like the queen that you are so that other black men wouldn’t be falsely accused of my emotional crimes. I murdered you many times. Still, you didn’t die: not even once. I apologize for encouraging you to be materialistic. I dumped my money into the same System that was destroying me and tried to impress you with expensive cars, platinum jewelry, and Polo gear. I fooled you into thinking that the measure of a man was in his bank account or in the size of the knot in his front pocket. You jumped into the front seat of my Lexus, happy because your friends were now envious of you, as we both sped down a dead end road at one hundred miles per hour. As a result, many black men who didn’t own a Lexus were ignored and even dismissed by you. I had you believing that your love came with a price tag. I apologize for the late night booty calls. You wanted to talk, to cuddle, and to explore the depth of my character. I only wanted sex. I called you when I was horny and only reached out to you when I saw that you were slipping away. I should have talked to you and opened up to you. Instead, I trusted only my homeboys and factored you out of the equation. And I apologize for turning you against your friends and family members. I was jealous of their influence over you. I was afraid that you would listen to them when they told you that I was not good for you. I didn’t have a job, and when I did, I used it as a weapon against you. When wise sisters told you to raise your standards, I persuaded you to lower them. I had you thinking that you had to have a man, any man, to be complete. And I apologize for that. I murdered you many times, sister. Yet, incredibly, amazingly, you didn’t die. Not even once. And this serves as the ultimate testimony to your true greatness!
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Member says:Posted: 18 May 09
You Black Americans need to stop analyzing yourselves because it's it's obvious you're incapable of doing so correctly. It is so f&%kin hilarious to read these comments! Everytime a blackwoman (or black man) writes that she doesn't see a crisis, it turns out she doesn't even date black men. Y'all need to STFU if you've been away so long and can't see something that's so obvious. I've NEVER heard a white woman or white man say they don't like their counterpart; and if you have, be really careful because UNLIKE US, they absolutely LOVE what their children look like, and treat them like gold. THINK ABOUT THAT! Everytime you hear a black woman or man say they don't like dating black people ask them how many white people they've heard saying that about themselves! African American's don't like to admit self-hate because, in the past, that is something that would've been psychological devastating in a majority white society. If you from the Islands (caribbean) however, self-hatred & adoration/worship of light skin is common place, but atleast we admit it's a problem (don't let any Islander tell you different, they're hiding a problem we all accept). They bleach thier skin till they look like suffering from AIDS. THE REAL PROBLEM 1. Black men and black women(esp women) stereotype each other. Alot of black men (not as many as black women think) feel they need to approach women like they're in a rap video. There is reason for this madness though; All Men adjust to what women like. All young women (white, black, etc) are attracted to the bad boy image. It just so happens that black women are starting to graduate from the thug image and are now finding alot of stuff offensive. Alot of black women (alot) pass around stereotypes about black men and expect something offensive or bad intensions when you approach them. So many assume white men are perfect gentlemen (HAHAHAHA). Men are men, black men tend to be bold, white men tend to be sneaky. 2. We allow everyone else to fuel these stereotypes with polls to tell(remind us) how black men are worthless fathers & are all in jail, black children struggle in school. Everytime someone talks about the black community, INCLUDING OBAMA, all they talk about is how we have problems. Black people were MUCH WORSE OFF in the 60's & 70's, but there was so MUCH MORE SOLIDARITY and PRIDE within the community. Things are better now, but yet WE FEEL WORSE about each other than ever, WHY?????
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khoibito says:Posted: 07 May 09
Disagree significantly with mexcubana's comments dated 5/5/09. The suggestion is that the black community has not matured since slavery, which is asinine in the face of the strong communal and familial binds that got us through the deep South's Jim Crow era and the struggle to end American apartheid through the 60's - early 70's. The black community weakened itself during the late 70's - 90's through the stupidity of materialism by black men and women, exacerbated by misogynistic portrayal of black women in gangster rap videos by both black men and black women who agreed to participate in such portrayals. Anyone who believes that we have not matured since the days of slavery is wholly ignorant of a gap in African American history from Reconstruction to the 60's.
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khoibito says:Posted: 07 May 09
By the way, many of the negative stereotypes black men and women see in each other are true. The true problem lay in reaching a point where all we see in the black community are the negative stereotypes. Many of us are not capable of spotting a gem anymore; or just as bad, one simply assumes that if an apparent gem is single, then he or she could not possibly be a gem because there are so many seeking a gem, and so we don't even give other person a chance. Quite frankly, the damage we have done to each other is complete and irreversible.
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Khoibito says:Posted: 07 May 09
Unfortunately, negative stereotypes of each other have permeated the psyche of Black men & women. As suggested in other posts, black women see black men as lowly bastards who run from fatherhood responsibilities, cheat with other women or men, and view black women as only hoes who are bought. Black men stereotype black women as loud, boisterous, devoid of gentility, unjustifiably arrogant, argumentative, and more interested in what a man can do for her than with her. Unfortunately, experiences of ourselves and friends that support these negative stereotypes only exacerbate the matter once we start interacting with non-blacks.
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mexcubana says:Posted: 06 May 09You got it! Barack Obama is and was very much aware of his roots and has embraced it. This is why he is so successful in his professional, spiritual and personal life.
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tambam_1 says:Posted: 06 May 09What makes Black Men and Black Women "Frenemies" is the fact that we allow stereotypes to determine the majority our actions. Most black women cling to the stereotype that black men are low-down, dirty dogs that don't take care of home, looks at black women as only hookers or hoes, think we can only be bought financially, and are tired of the so-called excuses that the "white man" is holding them down. Most black men based their stereotypes of black women as loud, boisterous, too independent, fussy, unsubmissive, and too opinionated for our own good. Our relationships have absolutely nothing to do with the history of our people. It has everything to do with respect for the opposite sex. And until we as a people are able to decipher the difference, the world will always see us incapatible as couples. If we take ourselves as individuals and stop seeing ourselves as being apart of this situation or being categorized with this community, we'll be able to see the beauty in black love and have the ability to love our men and women even if we're not in a relationship with them.
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Timbo649 says:Posted: 06 May 09i guess that is why Barack Obama was able to become the president of the USA. He is not a descendant of slaves and the slave culture, so he didn't have that self limiting belief in his blood, culture, or his spirit. Hmmm...
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Austrian says:Posted: 06 May 09EVERYONE PLEASE READ COMMENT BY mexcubana ! MEXCUBANA - your analysis is FACT!!! All other responses are to be respected, as people have their experiences, and subsequently subjective opinion. Your explanation, however, to the wounded African American soul, is REALITY. For this reason it is sometimes too much expected, for two hurt souls to heal each other. Someone of different background MAY BE strong and yet sensitive enough, to help the healing process - but not necessarily - it always depends on two individuals - each case is unique. The African-American slave problem happened JUST YESTERDAY in history. We have a long way ahead to get rid of this heavy load on our shoulders. The first and most important step is: DO NOT PUT EACH OTHER DOWN, it creates more hatred and separation. My black ex-husband (marriage lasted two decades) always said, that Blacks do not take care of each other - other than Jews, who also have had a devastating past, lasting thousands of years - having been haunted world wide. Their history is a completely different one, but perhaps we can learn from them, when it comes to raising children with specific values, placed on tradition and education. This may not be the key to happiness, but more understanding for each other!
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mexcubana says:Posted: 06 May 09
Black man and black women were designed to hate each other since the days of slavery...It was a psychological approach to dividing the race in order to weaken it. That divide still lives on today because of those practices that have been passed on through generations, like traditions. Why do you think the Black people eat pig's feet (one of the worst parts of the animal)? During slavery, slaves were given the scraps that were left over and over time this food became a traditional mealof the Black people. During slavery, Black men were purposely emasculated by the white man in front of his wife and children. The roles were intentionally reversed so the woman becomes the head of the house while the slave man is treated like cattle. Slave men were also bred with other women and often times where not around for their children (not much has changed). Light skin Blacks were treated a little bit better than dark skinned, causing a chasm between the two shades of the same race. This is why they still don’t get along today and Tiger Woods was rejected by many Blacks because "he's not Black enough". Blacks were forced to forget about Africa and were not allowed to practice any African tradition, which is why Black children today refuse to admit they are of African decent and in many profiles in this site; I read "Black, but not African decent". It saddens me. Trace your roots and you will find that if you are brown in color, you are indeed a decedent of Africa! Though my parents are from Mexico and Cuba, I traced my roots to Spain and Africa. Just because Blacks are no longer in shackles, it doesn’t mean that mental slavery doesn’t exist today. Thanks to the way the school system is designed and the crap we allow all children to see and hear through media, we can look forward to at least another 100 years of Blacks hurting, hating and destroying one another.
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Member says:Posted: 03 May 09
I personally have no enemies and count myself very fortunate for this! My friends are a very diverse group racially, socially, econmically and seeing life from their point of view broadens and strengthens my own worldview. I grew up with a mother and father of the same race (Irish, both born in Ireland) but my Mom was a folk singer when I was kid, a relatively famous one (one of her songs made the Top 40 in 1979), so I was raised in coffee houses, bars, concert halls and music festivals. It was a very good way to grow up: I was surrounded by all kinds of people and never learned any sense of exclusion. In today's world, that's a very good way to grow up! Thanks, Mom! :)
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huneekiss says:Posted: 03 May 09What the heck are you people talking about! Black women and black women are not freakin' frenemies...thats absurd. Just because I like to date all mean doesnt make a black man my enemy. I will date him too. I think its horrible that this article is even posted to make black men and black women go against one another. A crisis? A crisis is a plague or virus like swine flu or something of that nature. Apparently, some people in this thread believe that this "frenemies" crap is affecting the black community, I beg to differ. I believe just because you like something and someone else does not, doesnt mean you have to be frenemies. You can be friends without the enemies part. You just have opinion differences and thats okay...if we all wanted the same things out of life, life would be quite boring!
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nigellaspice says:Posted: 03 May 09
Has any one watched the movie, well actually more of a documentary "The diary of a tired black man"? It's a must see! Peace......Nigellaspice
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Member says:Posted: 02 May 09
Seem's like we have a whole bunch of idiots commenting. How could you categorize a group of gender as having the same trait's (oh sorry an idiot can). But Anyway me being in my early 20 after growing up in a black community and spending my High school years in a predominately white school. and now at a HBCU. I see why more than majority of black women are single. there simplistic they always worried about what fit a guy has on or if his shoes is matching his shirt. Know I can't deny there are some fine ass black women but then stop! that sometimes seems like that's all the case is. But I get looks fro girls and all that but I do get tired of talking to female who all about status.( Which in my brief life has always been the case with the black women I seem to have talked to) Which also leads to this. I'm pretty sure I will be a successful. But I really don't think I'm gonna wanna date a black women. Because I'm gonna feel like why weren't you there when I needed you and I was struggling but now all of a sudden the thug you ran after for all those year isn't good enough anymore. Bullshit. But hopefully that will change because foreal I really do love black women I can't explain it When I say I love everything I love everything. So I haven't gave up the search as of yet because I know I'm young and there are alot more thing's to experience in life so with that i'm gonna search for my black sexy queen but my deadline is when I hit the success ladder thats the deadline. Because if they wanna recognize the thug's right now then recognize them later on in life cuz life is not delivered on a silver platter and just because your ready to get saved doesn't mean i'm gonna save you. My Perspective as a Young Black man. But I do love Black women just not there state of minds.
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Member says:Posted: 30 Apr 09
MmJay, if you'd read the so-called Willie Lynch papers as often as you're telling others to do, you would have become suspicious about certain elements of the story -- unless, of course, you're the type of person who takes everything at face value. I can write a "prophecy" about 9/11 right this moment and pretend it was written one month prior to the actual tragedy-- and so what, it certainly wouldn't prove anything other than the fact that hindsight is 20/20. Oh, and Ichibod, that quote is ages old and most definitely did NOT originate in the brain of Jay-Z. Some of you men trying to show off are not as bright as you think you are.
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Member says:Posted: 30 Apr 09
The whole "Willie Lynch Speech" has long been proven to be a fraud; for one thing it is full of anachronisms. Please, Black people, stop smugly bringing up that "speech" as proof of anything. It doesn't prove a thing as it nothing more than an internet hoax created, not centuries ago, but within the last decade.
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MmJay says:Posted: 28 Apr 09Willie Lynch was right, this will go one for thousands of years, unless....This comment is directed at Kimmic in particular but for all wishing to debate and get heated over this issue. Tim had it right and no one should have gotten mad over the truth. Maybe you disagree on how it was presented to you so I wont give any opinion but say that if you really want to know the answer or to develop a solution to this problem, it starts with the children. Someone is going to have to steer them in the right direction. READ READ and then Read again the Willie Lynch papers. READ HIS WHOLE SPEECH. And then look within yourselves and think what you can do with just 1 individual that can make a change. If we dont start this way with the children, then Willie Lynch was right and his legacy will continue just like he said,"...for thousands of years."
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caramel022 says:Posted: 28 Apr 09
mr laurelton queens u don't know what you are talking about and you're one of the reasons black women don't date black men. i've dated a white man before and yes,i met his dog too! and his family so what the f*ck are u talking about? black men are messed up and your image is terrible.
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Aaziah says:Posted: 28 Apr 09
thank you QueenLeo for your refreshing response. I only have one question. When, (not IF) you hear a black man putting down black women, do you correct him? It's your business, but I think if women stick together as a whole, men will be held accoutable and respect ALL Women. Not just the one he's doing-at-the-time! I am a black woman, and white men have bashed their white women to me as if they expected me to repond by oening my legs to them! I do not compete with any woman, within or without of my race. therefore, I am NOT subject to the traps that are related to women who chose to compete. So, my response to a white man attempting to make me feel "better" than my supposed competition, by airing "white womens' dirty laundry" (dats rite, yall have sum 2)) is to give him the complete opposite of what he expects. I CHECK HIM! I defend HER, the white woman! 1. Because I dont get off on feeling superior to a white woman.( or any woman) I dont need to hate on her in order to love myself! 2.Because I recognize GAME! No, you will not get into MY pants by merely (attempting to pump-up my assumed low self-esteem) by degrading your white woman conterpart! I am not insecure, and my secuirty isnt based on feeling superior to anyone. I compare myself to whom I was last year, last month, etc. keeping my goals in front of me, aspiring to be MY better self. The me God intended! NOT better than another woman, white, black, green or whatever! So, I challenge women of other races, to check your mans intentions. Then you will find out if it's about YOU or if it's really about HIM. And that, in turn, will tell you what KIND of a man you have! Now, IF YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW- THEN DONT TRY THIS AT HOME! Cuz you will find out HIS SELF-ESTEEM ISSUES ASAP! A man WITH HIS OWN AGENDA will say whatever he thinks you want to hear, that will make you feel superior to the other woman or women! It doesn't mean that you ARE! It just means that he saw your card and played it! You could be the one getting played, cuz please believe me, (i lived in Seattle, Wa 20 years from Cleveland, OH and Ive seen it all!) While the white women who need to feel superior to women of other races, (especially black women) are at home wondering where they're BLACKMAN is... He has you pumped up because he's got you convinced that he dont like black women... Those are the one that slit there wrists when they find out otherwise! Black men cheat on white women with Black women! So, please, don't go for the okee-doke just cuz you got a thang for pissin' of black women, Becky... please! Dont get yourself caught up in your own personal dis taste for a black woman, by chosing a black man to one-up a black woman! Your most always playin' yourself AND gettin' played by your man, who's STILL keeping a sista-on-the-side! I'm telling you what I know, not what I heard! Love to ALL Women, cuz they would have all of us if they thought they could get away with it! Just love and Respect yourselves, and be honest about ur issues around race and superiority complexes! The game is to prevent women from liking each other, because then we dont talk, dont share, dont compare notes! That benefits a man who like hopping from one side of-the-fence, to the other! That way they can have us all! And, NOT be held accountable! Secretly, they'd have us bothe every night of the week! BOTH! black/white)
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QueenLeo says:Posted: 26 Apr 09
Why does blame need to be put on interracial dating between black men and white women the cause of less dating within the black community. We are all beautiful people and any which way we look at it. Our skin color, our cultures, ethnicity, what does it have to do with anything? Why should one feel superior over another, whether it be resentment against the other, or blame. We all live together and interact with one another and wake up each and everyday. When you bleed, your neighbor bleeds, we all bleed the same color. We all have our difference of opinions, preferences, and may agree or disagree. There is a reason we all have been brought together and to unite. Look around, nobody likes change when its on there front door step. Everyone has a purpose in life and many times you can change someones life for the better with kind words. Love one another and rejoice. Bless you all.
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thanks says:Posted: 25 Apr 09
for reminding me why i never have and never will date black men.
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Cibal09 says:Posted: 24 Apr 09I just joined this site earlier this week. I've been looking at it for a while, but it was this blog that encouraged me to spend the money to join. I would like to reiterate once again. And this time I will not apologize for my comment. Please drop this conversation. It really does look bad. Yes, everyone has a right to express his or her opinion, but some things really are better left unsaid. Please try to start a blog to generate more positive input. The comments being made by so many are really offensive and should not be directed to anyone outside of your personal groups. It's good to know when to let something go and when not to say anything. As a new member of this site - someone really looking to meet some, I would like to request that this topic be ended so that I will not be judged by association.
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Barbeeee says:Posted: 24 Apr 09
I'm addressing this to RideThisBlackCowboy. I had no issue with your post until you mentioned that black women are not regarded desirable by any race. I'm not sure if you are stating this as your opinion or if you think that what you're saying is factual. Although SOME black women are not considered desirable by men of other races, there are a lot of black beauties that men of different races would love to be with and are with. I hate to burst your bubble. I can say that because I'm one of them. I attract them all (Black, White, Indian, Middle Eastern, Italian, Asian, Hispanic, etc.) I don't date every man that is attracted to me, like most women. Here's a fact: SOME Black men are sexually desirable by women of different races but they're considered beneath those women. Compared to men of other races, Black men are considered the low of the low. Most Black men have nothing to offer any woman of any race but sex and swagger. Most of them can't provide for any woman of any race, be it emotionally or financially!!! Last time I checked, sex and swagger can't buy a house, food, clothes, or sustain a healthy loving relationship. I have intelligent, beautiful, sexy girlfriends of different races that have been in relationships with black men and have decided to leave Black men alone. According to them, Black men are sexy but too DIFFICULT to be with compared to men of other races. I told them welcome to our world. See, Black men show their "a$$es" with everyone they get involved with not just Black women. So to all of you cocky Black men who think you're some god to women of other races, put this in your pipe and smoke it!!! Your days are numbered!! When you're done sucking the life and money out of these exotic women don't bother looking back, we Black women will have already moved on to bigger and better things.
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RideThisBlackCowboy says:Posted: 23 Apr 09
Let's see...I'm one handsome black lad who just can't resist a buxom blonde(and vice versa,it seems,in many cases)and why black women,who generally are NOT regarded as desirable by most men of any race,while many women would LOVE a black stud, would criticize black men is beyond me.
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Ichibod says:Posted: 23 Apr 09Good point, Cibal09. "A wise man told me don't argue with fools Cause people from a distance can't tell who is who" Jay-Z
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Cibal09 says:Posted: 23 Apr 09
I promised MLQ that I would offer an apology on his post being pulled because I misinterpreted something he said. Therefore MLQ, this is my apology.
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lilyroses57 says:Posted: 22 Apr 09
One more thing stop putting power titles on people too. For example 'the man.' Last time I checked we all die so there is no 'the man.' All that stuff you say are seeds. We have to make a choice on the ones we water and the ones that are weeds that need to be pulled. Giving power to anyone other than the Lord is always a pitfall.
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lilyroses57 says:Posted: 22 Apr 09
I find this conversation sad. Why get on a dating site and talk about each other like this and in such a hateful manner that has been displayed by Laurelton and others. Slavery took a toll on the race but now you are not slaves. You can mend by Christ. Sometimes the way you are makes you perceive another to be a certain way. Changing is good. IF everyone changes themselves and stop playing the blame game then things can get better. Black women (brown women or women of colour) were slaves, raped, often times refusing to be raped that resulted in death (check your local library), if they were pretty their faces were mutilated, physically abused and everything else just like the male. Also slaves did look for their offspring during that time. It was not until later during the introduction of the welfare system that it was institutionalized in the mind that is was more beneficial to leave your family. Always remember the 4 little school girls bombed in their church just after Sunday school. Has any black man demanded to have their killer(s) brought to justice the way black women have audaciously helped, initiated the capture of killers of black men? It happen to both but to come and minimize your ancestors' pain from male to female is stupid and petty. They would probably disagree. They would disagree also on the magnitude of division a hateful spiteful tongue does to the soul also. G-d said there is life and death in the tongue. This is true look at the seeds that were planted during slavery in the minds of many that are still watered by the descendants of today. They live by them and it is killing everyone. I just finished reading a book today by Ralph D. Abernathy’s daughter Donzaliegh. In the book Mr. Abernathy wrote after recalling the astonishment racist white people (not all white people) had when the civil rights movement first started. It was during the Rosa Parks/bus boycott euphoria. “White southern people “said Rev. Abernathy, “Were amazed and afraid for they had never seen the Negro united the way they had been to make the bus boycott a success. Men need to respect their mothers and women pure and simple. We birth you. Women are not a sexual door mat toy and are not there to shelter the household by themselves. Any race of man can be abusive but other races are aware and are addressing the issue. It is time for the good black man (brown man or man of colour) to put down the ones that are not doing well. If you step up and put the male in line then there would be no conversation. Sheltering bad people male or female is bad. Stereotyping everyone is also bad. There are bad people in any race and it doesn't make the same habits good because they come in a lighter shade. My English mother who is a woman of colour and my father who is American Indian would always tell me...'just because they do it doesn't make it right because you know it is wrong.' I think you guys’ mud slinging the slave masters thoughts from long ago really needs to stop but the only way it can is to stop blaming and look at the person you want to become and live that life. What this looks like to me is if black men bash black women on this website then black women won't get any dates from the bad press so black men (the bad ones) can still keep her subject to themselves. If you have a problem with black women just date who you want to date. Please stop bad mouthing black women every where you go and to anyone that will listen to you. That is strange to tell another woman of another race about black women if you are dating her for her. Most of you would not be here any way if it was not for your black mothers. At least show your mother's respect on here. Not all black women are alike but men sometimes follow males. That is the problem and that is where the bad male image is started. We really need to see that a responsible woman image of ‘I don’t want you to use me and I want to have a nice husband women’ is not the strange one. She is normal....all you have to do is stand up correct and legit and you will get that love you deserve. If you are on here to meet other races than do it and stop these strange conversation of airing dirty laundry.
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Member says:Posted: 22 Apr 09
My post should have been pulled? What is this "little guy" Cibal talking about. I don't have a problem with you man. I am free to express my opinion about the state of black women. You are free to express your opinion but I can't? I hate when other black men hate on me. Good day
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Cibal09 says:Posted: 22 Apr 09
One last comment and I'll leave this alone. I told some friends of mine about this blog and they were astonished at the some of the comments posted. So we wanted to put forth a question for consideration: IF YOU SAW TWO STRANGERS ON A STREET CORNER CURSING, ARGUING, BERATING AND THREATENING EACH OTHER, AND HAD TO CHOOSE ONE TO GO HOME WITH, WOULD YOU CHOOSE ONE OR WOULD YOU RATHER GO HOME ALONE?
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Cibal09 says:Posted: 22 Apr 09
One last comment and I'll leave this alone. I told some friends of mine about this blog and they were astonished at the some of the comments posted. So we wanted to put forth a question for consideration: IF YOU SAW TWO STRANGERS ON A STREET CORNER CURSING, ARGUING, FIGHTING AND BERATING EACH OTHER, AND HAD TO CHOOSE ONE TO GO HOME WITH, WOULD YOU CHOOSE ONE OR WOULD YOU RATHER GO HOME ALONE?
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Cibal09 says:Posted: 22 Apr 09
Kid47 -- Thank you for your comment. But, I'm a woman, not a sir. Please tell me I don't look like a man!!! (LOL)
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thekid47 says:Posted: 22 Apr 09
To Cibal09, Sir, you are spot on. Quite a few feel exactly like you-we are related by race, the Human race. That is the only race that there is. Again, thank you sir for posting in summary what a fair number of us, across quite a few of these blogs, have been precisely stating. Much respect
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Cibal09 says:Posted: 21 Apr 09
People, people, people...Although this started out as an interesting debate, it really is sad. For one thing, this is an interracial dating site. It is for people who are interested in meeting whomever, or I thought it was. History is very important - of course it is. But even though everyone on this site is aware of African and European history, none of you have actually lived it. None of you have ever been slaves. So why are you exhibiting "slave mentality"? Hatred for your own people is equivalent to hatred for yourself - it is reverse racism. Sexual and physical preference is exactly what it is -- A PREFERENCE, and it should not be based on anything other than that. You are going to like who you like and that's all there is to it. To try to justify what you like by putting someone else down signifies a confusion within yourself and, therefore, the NEED to justify your behavior. Interracial dating should be about nothing more than trying to meet someone you are compatible with. Once you meet that person, you should concentrate on nothing more than maintaining a relationship with that person through mutual respect, consideration and love for each other. I'm pretty sure that when you were born no one told you that there was a mate for you of any particular race or nationality. With that in mind, get over your past relationships and move forward. If you have any resentment from previous relationships, you should take some time out and work that out within yourself with the intention of developing a higher level of consciousness and understanding of what you want and why. It is really unfair to subject your next partner to that heavy old beat up baggage. They should date you, and only you. Not you and that person who you can never forgive. Aside from any of our family histories, we are all related by race - the human race. And at the end of the day, that is all that matters. Reading the arguments - and they are arguments - is heartbreaking. You are beautiful and obviously intelligent people. Don't put yourselves out like this. It's like having a brawl on a street corner. Strive to evolve emotionally, physically and spiritually. If you are able to accomplish that, you can take your knowledge of history and teach it to the youth who are confused and need to know about it. Then try to teach them how to focus on the here and now - the world they actually live in; the world that they can actually accomplish something in; the world they should attempt to make better for the future. Don't continue fighting each other over such unimportant issues. If you are truly looking for a mate, consider this: White man, black man, yellow man, red man, old man, young man, rich man, poor man, tall man, short man, etc. What do all of these have in common? They are all men. None of the things that you debated about character is specific to any ethnic group. You can be any kind of partner, friend or parent you want to be. Bringing religion into this debate, Jesus said: "Deny your mother or father and follow me." This means that you have no excuse to be other than what you are striving to me. You can't blame your mother, father, ancestors, friends or anyone else. You are what YOU have created and if you are not, you can be. Your moral responsibility is to use good judgement, not be judgemental. They are not the same. And MrLaureltonQueens -- your post should have been pulled.
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Cibal09 says:Posted: 21 Apr 09
Although this is an interesting debate, it really is sad. For one thing, this is an interracial dating site. It is for people who are interested in meeting whomever. History is very important - of course it is. But even though everyone on this site is aware of African and European history, none of you have actually lived it. None of you have ever been slaves. So why are you exhibiting "slave mentality"? Hatred for your own people is equivalent to hatred for yourself. Interracial dating should be about nothing more than trying to meet someone you are compatible with. Once you meet that person, you should concentrate on nothing more than maintaining a relationship with that person through mutual respect, consideration and love for each other. If you have any resentment from previous relationships, you should take some time out and work that out within yourself with the intention of growing developing a higher level of consciousness. Aside from any of our family histories, we are all related by race - the human race. And at the end of the day, that is all that matters. Reading the arguments - and they are arguments - is heartbreaking. You are beautiful and obviously intelligent people. Don't put yourselves out like this. It's like having a brawl on a street corner. Strive to evolve emotionally, physically and spiritually. If you are able to accomplish that, you can take your knowledge of history and teach it to the youth who are confused and need to know about it. Then try to teach them how to focus on the here and now - the world they actually live in; the world that they can actually accomplish something in. Don't continue fighting each other over such unimportant issues. If you are truly looking for a mate, consider this: White man, black man, yellow man, red man, old man, young man, rich man, poor man, tall man, short man, etc. What do all of these have in common? They are all men. None of the things that you debated about people's characters are specific to any group of people. For example, the "original blacks were"...You can be any kind of partner or parent you want to be. Bringing religion into this debate, Jesus said: Deny your mother or father and follow me. This means that you no longer have any excuse to be other than what you are striving to me. You can't blame your mother, father, ancestors, friends or anyone else. You are what you are and if you are not, you can be.
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LOVELY1970 says:Posted: 21 Apr 09
Hello everyone. As you can see I am a black woman. I date black men and white men too. Black men have taught me a lot. So do white men. It is actually healthy to venture out and learn things from other races besides our own. Please do not believe that all black women are against black men that is not the truth.
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coloroflove says:Posted: 19 Apr 09
I myself dated non black men early on due to my work enviorment at the time. Then later on down the road i started to date them again. needless to say my life has been an ever dramatic revolving door. Many of them suffer with social issues, past relationship issues and issue witihn themselves that they tend to target the ones who they should be honoring as their true queens and backbone. I've met a wonderful italian male very spiritual,classy,educated and open-minded who treats me as a queen that i am and we are. I am very happy thus far and hope women of color will defininetly consider expanding their horizions.
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miaboricua says:Posted: 16 Apr 09
I am a Latina Puertorican woman who have had relationships with black men who are totally successful and Educated. I'm not here to argue anyone's point of view I just want to give my opinion like everyone else. I agree with the historical point that Tim gave. My best friend is a black woman who pointed the same thing out to me about 13 years ago when she was doing a study on black families and if we stop and think for a moment it all makes sense. I don't want to get into the whole slavery thing but it makes sense and this cycle continued after slavery because some black men were continuing to do what they were forced to do when they were slaves because it became a cycle and they didn't know how to be good husbands and fathers because they were not kept around long enough to do so, and yes, once you know it's a cycle and it's roots then you can understand it, then you can change it. The original slaves brought over from West Africa were family oriented and very devoted, in fact that is how most of them had the misfortune of being captured because they were out in the coastal areas fishing & hunting to provide for their families. I have learned so much from my friendships and relationships with black people and you all have so much to offer. I also don't blame black women for feeling the way they do about black men dating white women. Personally, I enjoy watching interracial couples and don't mind at all to see a puertorican man with a woman of another cultural background. However, I do have a problem when one decides to adapt the others culture and denies their own. You can be with whom ever you want to be but you don't have to sacrifice your culture in the process. It shows there is no sense of identity. As a Latina minority I understand the the black woman's view about black men with white women because again, as a minority we experience so much racism and prejudice from the white population and I think black women feel a sense of betrayal and I think that is absolutely normal but just like all latinos & blacks aren't the same neither are all white people the same. I have a white sister in law and white nephew and a white future son in law and great white friends and have been married to a black man, but neither the white nor the black make me because I am Boricua and that is who I will remain true to, myself no matter what cultural partner I have. I have to be true to me. Thank you for reading my opinion. I'm not here to argue anyone's point of view.
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Suga43 says:Posted: 14 Apr 09Black woman need to wake up and look at other races accept for the Black man. We are missing out. I have been married and dated out of my race. Just wonderful!!Black men are wonderful too but I will not stay at home, go to the movies by myself etc...waiting on a Black man to come along. Maybe a Black man isn't what God intended for you to have for a husband and you sit there and wait and wait and wait letting all thoses other fine men pass you by. SHAME ON U ALL. GET OUT THERE AND GET YOUR MAN OF ANOTHER COLOR!!!! Don't hate get in the game Like the Brothers and participate. I do and I am happy.
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Member says:Posted: 14 Apr 09
I read some of the comments concerning "frienemies". Since I am a General on the front line concerning black women who bash black men for a living. The problem with black women is they never see what provoked the backlash by black men like me. Shoutouts to blackmenvent.com. Some good brothers who are intelligent and understand what the real problem is. Black men never started this war. Black women did, with their disrespect and choosing the wrong black men to date. The good black men have been forced to treat them accordingly. I can even pin point to you when things started going downhill concerning black women and black men. The crack epidemic that killed black men and degraded black women. The music in the 90s was just a reflection of what drugs did to damage black women and their spirit. I can't remember a black woman called a ho and bitch until I heard a snoop dog song. The nappy headed black women blamed snoop for that. Uh no, snoop never caused that. The drug epidemic did because you sexually degraded yourself for drugs. Some black women continue to do drugs and drink to much. That is another story. Now fast forward to what the situation is now. Now you got middle class negros like myself and black women who grew up middle class battling with each other over what exactly? I don't know exactly. All I know is the sellout middle class black women got jealous black men were dating white women. Yet they overlook the majority of black men who are with black women. Black men dating white women is what the real issue is. The white man was just an afterthought. I don't care how many black women "claimed" they wanted a white man all along. Clearly, they didn't want you. I don't care how many excuses white men make about "how they ain't know" or " Black men stopped us". That's all bullshit. If I want a woman I will pursue her period. Some sellout black women claim "white men secretly email them, it makes them feel tingly inside". Stupid mutt if a black man emailed you secretly you would say we are womanizers. A white man email you secretly he is white jesus waiting in the wings but his white wife is "holding him back" for the ebony chocolate that awaits him. The problem with black women is they think controlling a man is a "successful relationship". That's not a relationship that is you being a warden and us being prisoners. Black women are insecure it just manifests itself in different ways. Some of them will whores themselves with different men. Then wonder why they are single mothers. Others will create a fantasy world where the white man does no wrong to them. Yet, he won't bring her to his parents home and will not marry her. Oh he is a nice guy though. The white mutherfucker won't even let you meet his dog but he IS NICE! Black women lack personal responsibility. Now they are running to white men due to desperation. They never bash white men. Then they wouldn't anybody else to turn too. (Throwing hands up) We are not even in the same league. White women can have a black woman. She won't do laundry, she won't clean and she will ask you to take you out to eat. You will eat at Oliver Garden 3 days a week. An emasculated white man told me that he "doesn't mind" eating out 3 times a week with his black wife. I laughed in his face because he said "like he was defeated". My wife don't even make me leftovers. I would tell her cook that shit again. I expect my food hot when I come from work! YA DIG I am out http://mrlaureltonqueens.blogspot.com/
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carmelrxn says:Posted: 13 Apr 09
Carmel, I like your comment. I don't think it is right to generalize people. We do have to consider our history, good and bad. Life as a minority is always difficult. I am a Hispanic woman and have dated all kinds of people. We are very mixed; our ancestors come from Europe, Africa, Indian, and Asian etc. Our major mixed in South America is Indian/African/Spaniard and there is a lot of discrimination. Money is a big issue. I am glad I live in the USA. Believe or not, there is more tolerance in this country than in any other place. I have great admiration for the African/American history. There is a long tradition of fight for their rights and that is very important for any minority. There are always conflicts between cultures. By the way there is only one race, Homo Sapiens, and we all originate from that race. Our DNA is proof of it. Once we acknowledge this, we can understand how foolish it is to look down on other people.
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Ichibod says:Posted: 13 Apr 09
Thank you, MzFierce. Again, I apologize to Kimmic and to anyone who else viewed this blog for that nasty display. Tim
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BTW I have NEVER given hate stares to a black man with a non-black woman! Please believe me! I am so sincere. As a matter of fact, my black and non-black girlfriends don't either- at least when they're with ME! Because I AM HAPPY! I really am, and I wish we could ALL feel the way I feel about myself! My self-worth truly is not based on what a black man is doing to or with his non-black woman! I honestly have never felt threatened by visions of a black man with a non-black because I am whole, complete as I am. Now,I have gotten the looks from THEM, because I DIDNT GIVE THE HATE STARE! Living in Seattle, at a hot spot one night, I complimented a black man's white woman on the skirt she was wearing as they entered the room together while passing me... already seated with my martini and cigar. She and then He responded with the most bewildered look on her face, THEY LOOKED AT EACH OTHER AND THEN BACK AT ME, AS IF TO SAY, WHAT'S GOING ON, HERE? ARE WE BEING PUNKED? I continued to smile as they continued walking pass me to another section. (Thats another thing I've noticed- women don't smile much anymore! I've noticed many times that I am usually the only woman at the scene, smiling.) hmmmm Sincere about my comment to her about her bad-azz skirt, I smiled at her & my brotha & all I got back was a frown! Then I run into her in the ladies room and she asked me my name, where was I from, eager as hell! (btw-I don't just answer back-to-back questions. If I'm asked one Q, then I will ask two!) I kept very brief,and left the ladies room in a RUSH, Thong-n-check, :) after she began flirting with ME! :0 And, if that was't enuff- her man began sending drinks 2 my table! I didn't know it was him until the 2nd one, then I cut it off! Was't gettin' my cookies! :) Just 1-of-many stories 2 share! Look,at the risk of sounding un-educated, there AIN'T no shortage of brotha's! That's right, I said it! Men (black men too) are like buses, you miss one and then TWO of'em show up! That even goes for the brotha's with the non-blacks. Yall, have to keep the non-black women thinking you hate black women to stay in her good credit, oops, I mean graces! Just like the white man, he had asimular job years ago AND to this day! Make sure his white woman believe he was't/isn't attracted to non-white women. That way she wouldn't suspect a thing! While the white woman told you either you do me or Im gonna say you raped me...