Black women. Black men. Best frenemies.
I have to agree there is a large number of loving couples within the black community. That aside, we still have a crisis within black relationships. For eons on end, black women and black men have been at each others necks … still are. They experience this when trying to date, marry and even stay together and most of these attempts end in mutual misunderstandings and mutual blame.
Find your soulmate on InterracialDatingCentral
In the book What's Love Got to Do with It?: Understanding and Healing the Rift Between Black Men and Women 77.1% of black mothers tell their daughters negative tales about black men. And those who don’t get the dirt from mommy have on going ‘reality shows’ - their parents’ relationships. And this could be where the urge to strangle or b**ch about every black man that walks by starts.
But what is more surprising is that people feel interracial dating within the black community is what is causing more of this frenemity. Check out what one blogger asked: “When did splintering off to date outside the race, looking for a successful partner anywhere but within black America, and promoting the myth that black men are "players" and black women are "emasculating" become the norm?”
Splintering off? Is that what people call it when one opts for interracial dating? Let’s not even look that far … I have seen the fires members on this blog ignite just because of black-white dating. Makes me wonder if other communities have this love-hate relationship of their sexes.
So when did this frenemity between black men and women actually begin? How are we to explain these heightened levels of tension and conflict between them? What could be the root cause of this turbulence? Is interracial dating (black-white dating in particular) the main cause? Really?
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279 responses to "Black women. Black men. Best frenemies."
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RideThisBlackCowboy says:Posted: 23 Apr 09
Let's see...I'm one handsome black lad who just can't resist a buxom blonde(and vice versa,it seems,in many cases)and why black women,who generally are NOT regarded as desirable by most men of any race,while many women would LOVE a black stud, would criticize black men is beyond me.
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Ichibod says:Posted: 23 Apr 09Good point, Cibal09. "A wise man told me don't argue with fools Cause people from a distance can't tell who is who" Jay-Z
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Cibal09 says:Posted: 23 Apr 09I promised MLQ that I would offer an apology on his post being pulled because I misinterpreted something he said. Therefore MLQ, this is my apology.
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lilyroses57 says:Posted: 22 Apr 09One more thing stop putting power titles on people too. For example 'the man.' Last time I checked we all die so there is no 'the man.' All that stuff you say are seeds. We have to make a choice on the ones we water and the ones that are weeds that need to be pulled. Giving power to anyone other than the Lord is always a pitfall.
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lilyroses57 says:Posted: 22 Apr 09
I find this conversation sad. Why get on a dating site and talk about each other like this and in such a hateful manner that has been displayed by Laurelton and others. Slavery took a toll on the race but now you are not slaves. You can mend by Christ. Sometimes the way you are makes you perceive another to be a certain way. Changing is good. IF everyone changes themselves and stop playing the blame game then things can get better. Black women (brown women or women of colour) were slaves, raped, often times refusing to be raped that resulted in death (check your local library), if they were pretty their faces were mutilated, physically abused and everything else just like the male. Also slaves did look for their offspring during that time. It was not until later during the introduction of the welfare system that it was institutionalized in the mind that is was more beneficial to leave your family. Always remember the 4 little school girls bombed in their church just after Sunday school. Has any black man demanded to have their killer(s) brought to justice the way black women have audaciously helped, initiated the capture of killers of black men? It happen to both but to come and minimize your ancestors' pain from male to female is stupid and petty. They would probably disagree. They would disagree also on the magnitude of division a hateful spiteful tongue does to the soul also. G-d said there is life and death in the tongue. This is true look at the seeds that were planted during slavery in the minds of many that are still watered by the descendants of today. They live by them and it is killing everyone. I just finished reading a book today by Ralph D. Abernathy’s daughter Donzaliegh. In the book Mr. Abernathy wrote after recalling the astonishment racist white people (not all white people) had when the civil rights movement first started. It was during the Rosa Parks/bus boycott euphoria. “White southern people “said Rev. Abernathy, “Were amazed and afraid for they had never seen the Negro united the way they had been to make the bus boycott a success. Men need to respect their mothers and women pure and simple. We birth you. Women are not a sexual door mat toy and are not there to shelter the household by themselves. Any race of man can be abusive but other races are aware and are addressing the issue. It is time for the good black man (brown man or man of colour) to put down the ones that are not doing well. If you step up and put the male in line then there would be no conversation. Sheltering bad people male or female is bad. Stereotyping everyone is also bad. There are bad people in any race and it doesn't make the same habits good because they come in a lighter shade. My English mother who is a woman of colour and my father who is American Indian would always tell me...'just because they do it doesn't make it right because you know it is wrong.' I think you guys’ mud slinging the slave masters thoughts from long ago really needs to stop but the only way it can is to stop blaming and look at the person you want to become and live that life. What this looks like to me is if black men bash black women on this website then black women won't get any dates from the bad press so black men (the bad ones) can still keep her subject to themselves. If you have a problem with black women just date who you want to date. Please stop bad mouthing black women every where you go and to anyone that will listen to you. That is strange to tell another woman of another race about black women if you are dating her for her. Most of you would not be here any way if it was not for your black mothers. At least show your mother's respect on here. Not all black women are alike but men sometimes follow males. That is the problem and that is where the bad male image is started. We really need to see that a responsible woman image of ‘I don’t want you to use me and I want to have a nice husband women’ is not the strange one. She is normal....all you have to do is stand up correct and legit and you will get that love you deserve. If you are on here to meet other races than do it and stop these strange conversation of airing dirty laundry.
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Member says:Posted: 22 Apr 09
My post should have been pulled? What is this "little guy" Cibal talking about. I don't have a problem with you man. I am free to express my opinion about the state of black women. You are free to express your opinion but I can't? I hate when other black men hate on me. Good day
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Cibal09 says:Posted: 22 Apr 09
One last comment and I'll leave this alone. I told some friends of mine about this blog and they were astonished at the some of the comments posted. So we wanted to put forth a question for consideration: IF YOU SAW TWO STRANGERS ON A STREET CORNER CURSING, ARGUING, BERATING AND THREATENING EACH OTHER, AND HAD TO CHOOSE ONE TO GO HOME WITH, WOULD YOU CHOOSE ONE OR WOULD YOU RATHER GO HOME ALONE?
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Cibal09 says:Posted: 22 Apr 09
One last comment and I'll leave this alone. I told some friends of mine about this blog and they were astonished at the some of the comments posted. So we wanted to put forth a question for consideration: IF YOU SAW TWO STRANGERS ON A STREET CORNER CURSING, ARGUING, FIGHTING AND BERATING EACH OTHER, AND HAD TO CHOOSE ONE TO GO HOME WITH, WOULD YOU CHOOSE ONE OR WOULD YOU RATHER GO HOME ALONE?
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Cibal09 says:Posted: 22 Apr 09
Kid47 -- Thank you for your comment. But, I'm a woman, not a sir. Please tell me I don't look like a man!!! (LOL)
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thekid47 says:Posted: 22 Apr 09
To Cibal09, Sir, you are spot on. Quite a few feel exactly like you-we are related by race, the Human race. That is the only race that there is. Again, thank you sir for posting in summary what a fair number of us, across quite a few of these blogs, have been precisely stating. Much respect
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Cibal09 says:Posted: 21 Apr 09
People, people, people...Although this started out as an interesting debate, it really is sad. For one thing, this is an interracial dating site. It is for people who are interested in meeting whomever, or I thought it was. History is very important - of course it is. But even though everyone on this site is aware of African and European history, none of you have actually lived it. None of you have ever been slaves. So why are you exhibiting "slave mentality"? Hatred for your own people is equivalent to hatred for yourself - it is reverse racism. Sexual and physical preference is exactly what it is -- A PREFERENCE, and it should not be based on anything other than that. You are going to like who you like and that's all there is to it. To try to justify what you like by putting someone else down signifies a confusion within yourself and, therefore, the NEED to justify your behavior. Interracial dating should be about nothing more than trying to meet someone you are compatible with. Once you meet that person, you should concentrate on nothing more than maintaining a relationship with that person through mutual respect, consideration and love for each other. I'm pretty sure that when you were born no one told you that there was a mate for you of any particular race or nationality. With that in mind, get over your past relationships and move forward. If you have any resentment from previous relationships, you should take some time out and work that out within yourself with the intention of developing a higher level of consciousness and understanding of what you want and why. It is really unfair to subject your next partner to that heavy old beat up baggage. They should date you, and only you. Not you and that person who you can never forgive. Aside from any of our family histories, we are all related by race - the human race. And at the end of the day, that is all that matters. Reading the arguments - and they are arguments - is heartbreaking. You are beautiful and obviously intelligent people. Don't put yourselves out like this. It's like having a brawl on a street corner. Strive to evolve emotionally, physically and spiritually. If you are able to accomplish that, you can take your knowledge of history and teach it to the youth who are confused and need to know about it. Then try to teach them how to focus on the here and now - the world they actually live in; the world that they can actually accomplish something in; the world they should attempt to make better for the future. Don't continue fighting each other over such unimportant issues. If you are truly looking for a mate, consider this: White man, black man, yellow man, red man, old man, young man, rich man, poor man, tall man, short man, etc. What do all of these have in common? They are all men. None of the things that you debated about character is specific to any ethnic group. You can be any kind of partner, friend or parent you want to be. Bringing religion into this debate, Jesus said: "Deny your mother or father and follow me." This means that you have no excuse to be other than what you are striving to me. You can't blame your mother, father, ancestors, friends or anyone else. You are what YOU have created and if you are not, you can be. Your moral responsibility is to use good judgement, not be judgemental. They are not the same. And MrLaureltonQueens -- your post should have been pulled.
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Cibal09 says:Posted: 21 Apr 09
Although this is an interesting debate, it really is sad. For one thing, this is an interracial dating site. It is for people who are interested in meeting whomever. History is very important - of course it is. But even though everyone on this site is aware of African and European history, none of you have actually lived it. None of you have ever been slaves. So why are you exhibiting "slave mentality"? Hatred for your own people is equivalent to hatred for yourself. Interracial dating should be about nothing more than trying to meet someone you are compatible with. Once you meet that person, you should concentrate on nothing more than maintaining a relationship with that person through mutual respect, consideration and love for each other. If you have any resentment from previous relationships, you should take some time out and work that out within yourself with the intention of growing developing a higher level of consciousness. Aside from any of our family histories, we are all related by race - the human race. And at the end of the day, that is all that matters. Reading the arguments - and they are arguments - is heartbreaking. You are beautiful and obviously intelligent people. Don't put yourselves out like this. It's like having a brawl on a street corner. Strive to evolve emotionally, physically and spiritually. If you are able to accomplish that, you can take your knowledge of history and teach it to the youth who are confused and need to know about it. Then try to teach them how to focus on the here and now - the world they actually live in; the world that they can actually accomplish something in. Don't continue fighting each other over such unimportant issues. If you are truly looking for a mate, consider this: White man, black man, yellow man, red man, old man, young man, rich man, poor man, tall man, short man, etc. What do all of these have in common? They are all men. None of the things that you debated about people's characters are specific to any group of people. For example, the "original blacks were"...You can be any kind of partner or parent you want to be. Bringing religion into this debate, Jesus said: Deny your mother or father and follow me. This means that you no longer have any excuse to be other than what you are striving to me. You can't blame your mother, father, ancestors, friends or anyone else. You are what you are and if you are not, you can be.
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LOVELY1970 says:Posted: 21 Apr 09
Hello everyone. As you can see I am a black woman. I date black men and white men too. Black men have taught me a lot. So do white men. It is actually healthy to venture out and learn things from other races besides our own. Please do not believe that all black women are against black men that is not the truth.
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coloroflove says:Posted: 19 Apr 09
I myself dated non black men early on due to my work enviorment at the time. Then later on down the road i started to date them again. needless to say my life has been an ever dramatic revolving door. Many of them suffer with social issues, past relationship issues and issue witihn themselves that they tend to target the ones who they should be honoring as their true queens and backbone. I've met a wonderful italian male very spiritual,classy,educated and open-minded who treats me as a queen that i am and we are. I am very happy thus far and hope women of color will defininetly consider expanding their horizions.
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miaboricua says:Posted: 16 Apr 09
I am a Latina Puertorican woman who have had relationships with black men who are totally successful and Educated. I'm not here to argue anyone's point of view I just want to give my opinion like everyone else. I agree with the historical point that Tim gave. My best friend is a black woman who pointed the same thing out to me about 13 years ago when she was doing a study on black families and if we stop and think for a moment it all makes sense. I don't want to get into the whole slavery thing but it makes sense and this cycle continued after slavery because some black men were continuing to do what they were forced to do when they were slaves because it became a cycle and they didn't know how to be good husbands and fathers because they were not kept around long enough to do so, and yes, once you know it's a cycle and it's roots then you can understand it, then you can change it. The original slaves brought over from West Africa were family oriented and very devoted, in fact that is how most of them had the misfortune of being captured because they were out in the coastal areas fishing & hunting to provide for their families. I have learned so much from my friendships and relationships with black people and you all have so much to offer. I also don't blame black women for feeling the way they do about black men dating white women. Personally, I enjoy watching interracial couples and don't mind at all to see a puertorican man with a woman of another cultural background. However, I do have a problem when one decides to adapt the others culture and denies their own. You can be with whom ever you want to be but you don't have to sacrifice your culture in the process. It shows there is no sense of identity. As a Latina minority I understand the the black woman's view about black men with white women because again, as a minority we experience so much racism and prejudice from the white population and I think black women feel a sense of betrayal and I think that is absolutely normal but just like all latinos & blacks aren't the same neither are all white people the same. I have a white sister in law and white nephew and a white future son in law and great white friends and have been married to a black man, but neither the white nor the black make me because I am Boricua and that is who I will remain true to, myself no matter what cultural partner I have. I have to be true to me. Thank you for reading my opinion. I'm not here to argue anyone's point of view.
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Suga43 says:Posted: 14 Apr 09Black woman need to wake up and look at other races accept for the Black man. We are missing out. I have been married and dated out of my race. Just wonderful!!Black men are wonderful too but I will not stay at home, go to the movies by myself etc...waiting on a Black man to come along. Maybe a Black man isn't what God intended for you to have for a husband and you sit there and wait and wait and wait letting all thoses other fine men pass you by. SHAME ON U ALL. GET OUT THERE AND GET YOUR MAN OF ANOTHER COLOR!!!! Don't hate get in the game Like the Brothers and participate. I do and I am happy.
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Member says:Posted: 14 Apr 09
I read some of the comments concerning "frienemies". Since I am a General on the front line concerning black women who bash black men for a living. The problem with black women is they never see what provoked the backlash by black men like me. Shoutouts to blackmenvent.com. Some good brothers who are intelligent and understand what the real problem is. Black men never started this war. Black women did, with their disrespect and choosing the wrong black men to date. The good black men have been forced to treat them accordingly. I can even pin point to you when things started going downhill concerning black women and black men. The crack epidemic that killed black men and degraded black women. The music in the 90s was just a reflection of what drugs did to damage black women and their spirit. I can't remember a black woman called a ho and bitch until I heard a snoop dog song. The nappy headed black women blamed snoop for that. Uh no, snoop never caused that. The drug epidemic did because you sexually degraded yourself for drugs. Some black women continue to do drugs and drink to much. That is another story. Now fast forward to what the situation is now. Now you got middle class negros like myself and black women who grew up middle class battling with each other over what exactly? I don't know exactly. All I know is the sellout middle class black women got jealous black men were dating white women. Yet they overlook the majority of black men who are with black women. Black men dating white women is what the real issue is. The white man was just an afterthought. I don't care how many black women "claimed" they wanted a white man all along. Clearly, they didn't want you. I don't care how many excuses white men make about "how they ain't know" or " Black men stopped us". That's all bullshit. If I want a woman I will pursue her period. Some sellout black women claim "white men secretly email them, it makes them feel tingly inside". Stupid mutt if a black man emailed you secretly you would say we are womanizers. A white man email you secretly he is white jesus waiting in the wings but his white wife is "holding him back" for the ebony chocolate that awaits him. The problem with black women is they think controlling a man is a "successful relationship". That's not a relationship that is you being a warden and us being prisoners. Black women are insecure it just manifests itself in different ways. Some of them will whores themselves with different men. Then wonder why they are single mothers. Others will create a fantasy world where the white man does no wrong to them. Yet, he won't bring her to his parents home and will not marry her. Oh he is a nice guy though. The white mutherfucker won't even let you meet his dog but he IS NICE! Black women lack personal responsibility. Now they are running to white men due to desperation. They never bash white men. Then they wouldn't anybody else to turn too. (Throwing hands up) We are not even in the same league. White women can have a black woman. She won't do laundry, she won't clean and she will ask you to take you out to eat. You will eat at Oliver Garden 3 days a week. An emasculated white man told me that he "doesn't mind" eating out 3 times a week with his black wife. I laughed in his face because he said "like he was defeated". My wife don't even make me leftovers. I would tell her cook that shit again. I expect my food hot when I come from work! YA DIG I am out http://mrlaureltonqueens.blogspot.com/
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carmelrxn says:Posted: 13 Apr 09
Carmel, I like your comment. I don't think it is right to generalize people. We do have to consider our history, good and bad. Life as a minority is always difficult. I am a Hispanic woman and have dated all kinds of people. We are very mixed; our ancestors come from Europe, Africa, Indian, and Asian etc. Our major mixed in South America is Indian/African/Spaniard and there is a lot of discrimination. Money is a big issue. I am glad I live in the USA. Believe or not, there is more tolerance in this country than in any other place. I have great admiration for the African/American history. There is a long tradition of fight for their rights and that is very important for any minority. There are always conflicts between cultures. By the way there is only one race, Homo Sapiens, and we all originate from that race. Our DNA is proof of it. Once we acknowledge this, we can understand how foolish it is to look down on other people.
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Ichibod says:Posted: 13 Apr 09
Thank you, MzFierce. Again, I apologize to Kimmic and to anyone who else viewed this blog for that nasty display. Tim
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kimmic says:Posted: 13 Apr 09FYI Re: The offensive statement "Many blacks don’t speak english correctly as it is, nor do many of them have a desire for learning period." Many is semi-quantitative, not a definitive or exact number, but a quantitative statement. Not to mention an amount as I did, is a qualitative assessment and cannot be attributed to an exact number, an estimated or assumed value. Webster's definition of many 1 : consisting of or amounting to a large but indefinite number 2 : being one of a large but indefinite number — as many : the same in number
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kimmic says:Posted: 13 Apr 09
Tim, it seems that neither is willing to listen to the other. Whether a statement is quantified or not, whether it applies to me or not, if I hear negatives stated about people (not just black people)and it seems unfair to me, I will speak out. I am not bothered that you called me a name. That was directed at me specifically...I know that I am far from a twit and I really don't care about your personal attack. We are in agreement about most things discussed. But, your approach was what was offensive. It was not my intent to attack you and if you read what I said, I opted OUT of attacking your grammar and punctuation. I implied and insinuated that it was less than perfect, but did not attack. My only intention in responding to you was just to point out that you can make your points without being derogatory and/or offensive. Also, there is no need for the sarcasm toward my family. I have every right to be proud of them and myself. You can't take that from me no matter how sarcastic your comments. Again, God bless you and good luck. Kim P.S. Mz.Fierce, good luck to you too! ha ha
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mzfierce says:Posted: 13 Apr 09Tim, I am attracted to the way you express yourself and your thoughts. Even if we could not connect on a romantic level, you are the kind of company I like to keep. Can we work on a friendship? Aside from that, I really had a good laugh at some of the comments in these blogs; they have been quite entertaining! In terms of the topic at hand, I believe black people just need to stop laying blame and start working on communicating with and understanding each other without prejudice. ~MzFierce~
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Ichibod says:Posted: 12 Apr 09
By the way, my mom didn't lose any children. I was being sarcastic. My brother and I are alive and well.
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Ichibod says:Posted: 12 Apr 09
Again you totally missed the point to save face. You are saying a lot of the things that I have already said, yet you are using them to attack me rather than understand what I mean. You try to inform me on how to behave, after assuming I have an issue with black women that I don't have, opt to pick apart my grammar, and then challenge me to question my faith based on name calling, as if Jesus didn't have choice names for hard-headed, close minded people. He called them fools, I called you a twit. And, I will apologize for that but my first post was not aimed at anyone, it was to show how the black family structure was intentionally disrupted and designed to become what it is today and the hurdles that need to be overcome in correcting them. I even said 'no offense' before the comment regarding strength because I knew that, amongst everything else I could possible think to type that made a valid point, would stick out and be the only subject of discussion or retaliation. Tell me, what is your definition of many? Is it the same as refering to a number of people by weight (tons)? Challenging my use of grammar and puctuation persuaded me to challenge you and how one would defines quantity and your use of the vernacular. I would think tens of thousands of people to be many. It does not mean majority. If you agreed with Dr Cosby, as I most certainly do, you should realize the reason I mentioned him was because no matter how specific he was, many blacks still accused him of putting down all black people. You do know what The Educator had to say about young black speech and the lack of books in their bookbags? He didn't say many, but you know it had to take more than just a hand full to bring out an issue on such a large scale as he did. I am not talking about all black women, but you attacked me as if I had. You won't take the time to see where you could possible have misunderstood me, you're not even paying attention to the hypocracy of your comments by using your own blanket statements and no quantitative words to differentiate all from some. You even use a conventional unit of weight to describe a number of people. "The bigot who sees you on the street is going to think the same about you."? Um, hello! I'm black. No matter what is said in a forum, bigots always have something to say about me based on my race regardless of whether it applys to me or not. Negative racism have never affected me. It has gotten me a little perturbed to know people still think a certain way, but I manage. I take it you haven't seen any black video clips on Youtube. Read the comments on there. If you are that easily offended by my comments, then you just might die after reading what those whites have to say about us. "And all of the negatives that you applied to “SOME OR MANY” black women are applicable to white women, Asian women, etc. So, why say them about black women?" That's why I said, "Notice I said ‘a woman’. I did not say ‘a black woman’. Illustrate the difference in strength with this statement provided no race is mentioned. Would a woman of a different race be any less strong. You must have issues with woman of other races if you feel that way." Again, all anger and hautiness aside, all this could be avoided if comments are thoroughly and careful examined. I also give people the benefit of the doubt as well as consider the source of information. Anytime someone speaks on race issues and mentions black people, men or women, I listen to what they have to say. First, I listen for situations I may or may not recognize. If I recognize it, then I wait for quantitative words and see if the speaker is implicating every black person or black man. If not, I know it's true for some, and I let the ones who it applies to run their mouths. I'm not going to defend negativity. I can try to explain the origins of it. I may even beg to differ when certain situations are not stated to effect other races equally and not just blacks. To avoid implicating an entire group, I make sure I don't mention anything about a race or gender without quantitative words to try to avoid such assumptions and accusations. Apparently, that doesn't work so well. You did more tearing me down than answering any of my questions. You say you've seen my personality type before, yet you suggest "ones true character" being expressed after I called you a few names. After that you mock me by acknowledging an understanding of specifics ("Note that I said “one”, not Tim") and toss out that understanding by accusing me of lambasting all black people. Anyway, I'm done. Anyone want to chime in on how to help heal the relationship amongst black couples? I know this an interracial site, but that's the topic of discussion. Kim, you take care of youself. Just know that I recognized how much our communities need educated people like you and your cousins, especially in those fields you mentioned. I only wish for the best in myself, as a man, a black man, and as a human being. However, I won't hesitate to call out a flaw regardless of how embarrassing. Diagnosis is the first step to recovery.
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kimmic says:Posted: 12 Apr 09
And Tim, hearing what you had to say about your mom, I do think that she is a STRONG woman who happens to be black. And I respect her for overcoming the emotional obstacle of losing children. Why can't I believe in both "mind over matter" and "might makes right"? The two are not mutually exclusive. In fact, they go hand in hand. Lots of people run into obstacles and just give up. So, much respect should be given to those who pick themselves up and overcome those obstacles. And many of my friends are white and all other ethnicities. And my very best friend is a white woman. I have NO issues with people because of their creed, race or gender. If I have an issue with a person, it is solely based on personality and how they treat other people.
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kimmic says:Posted: 12 Apr 09
Tim, If you truly had a zeal for knowledge related to God, you wouldn't have resorted name calling. I respected you during this debate. But, when one can't handle being challenged, one tends to resort to name-calling and one's true character is expressed. Note that I said "one", not Tim. And all of the negatives that you applied to "SOME OR MANY" black women are applicable to white women, Asian women, etc. So, why say them about black women? Bill Cosby didn't say "Many". He was very specific about the situations and conditions he was referencing. I wasn't offended by him at all. In fact I agree with him wholeheartedly. But, when you have a black man putting down "Many" black people, that is where I have a problem. Because it isn't true. I think that anyone and everyone who strives to overcome hurdles to reach their personal goals is "strong". This applies to all ethnicities and both genders. I have a "one love" mentality. I love seeing people come from tough circumstances and actually "make it". But, I am a black woman. And just as the Irish celebrate, honor and respect their heritage, as do other ethnicities, I do mine. I wouldn't think of telling people in a forum like this that "MANY blacks don’t speak English correctly as it is, nor do MANY of them have a desire for learning period." Because the bigot who sees you on the street is going to think the same about you. And he will say, "and yeah, I have backup. Here is a quote from a BLACK man who agrees with me." It is just mean Tim. And guess what, I don't need my cousins to explain the reproductive cycle to me. I am a Scientist myself. And I won't let you lessen my accomplishments or make me feel anything less than proud of them. Just because a man gets a woman pregnant, doesn't mean that he is involved in a way that enriches the woman and child's life. His presence or lack of presence may hinder their success and negatively impact their lives. So, that is a moot point. I could go on, but I have seen your personality type before and you are always right, no one else has an opinion that matters to you. God bless you. Good luck in all that you do. Kim (A proud, STRONG, black woman who will always love and respect ALL people...Even SOME a**holes.)
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secchance says:Posted: 12 Apr 09enough already, is it that bad. Has anyone here looked up the relate, relationship- to show or establish logical or casual connection; when one finish looking up all that it entails that is the reason we are here not all this other crap. Marvine Gaye sang, (who really cares, who is willing to try...) now quit all this mess and get out there and get with the business LOL
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secchance says:Posted: 12 Apr 09
enough alreay, is it that bad. Has anyone here looked up the relate, relationship- to show or establish logical or casual connection; when one finish looking up all that it entails that is the reason we are here not all this other crap. Marvine Gaye sang, (who really cares, who is willing to try...) now quit all this mess and get out there and get with the business LOL
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Ichibod says:Posted: 12 Apr 09
Kim, Yes I do hear what I have say. That's why I make sure that I use the words 'some' and 'many as much as possible and you, having a master's degree didn't seem to pick that up. Wow, explain how being black is second the having degree (lol). The words 'some', 'many', 'a lot', 'few', a couple' can only be considered blanket statements for those that it applies to and idiots who just like to argue. My hero, Bill Cosby, ran into the same problem. Clearly describing the actions, words, and ramblings of the people he was talking about, and everyone goes up in arms about him hating 'all' black people. I guess when you say 'tons', are you refering to 'all' black people or 1200X lbs worth or black people (when I come under attack before being listened to or fully understood, the a-hole comes out). What makes any other woman not as strong? Many women have to survive without husbands, fathers, uncles, brothers, baby daddys... oh yes baby daddys. I've always looked at a woman, talking about being strong, with her 3 kids, her house, her college degree and come to realize that she isn't a widow. She's not divorced, and all the children don't have the same dad. Now pay attention this time. Notice I said 'a woman'. I did not say 'a black woman'. Illustrate the difference in strength with this statement provided no race is mentioned. Would a woman of a different race be any less strong. You must have issues with woman of other races if you feel that way. According to your babble, no black woman has had a man around them. Men have to enter into equation at some point, verify that with your surgeon and nurse cousins. They can probably explain the reproductive system to you. Let's not negate circumstances that has many black men absent, which was a point I was trying to make in my comment... part of it at least. Many woman make their way with child support and welfare. If a strong woman gets married, does she continue to flex her muscle giving competition to her husband, take a break and reserve her strength, or avoid men because they don't measure up to her ego? My mom has a husband, and has for the last 35 years... my dad (retired naval officer of 30 years). She is a black woman, by the way, and as you say 'all' black women have had to survive without husband. I guess according to you, I can't be strong or as strong seeing that 1) I am a man and 2) I have a father. Oh I forgot, I have a nephew, too. Technically, I don't exist. So maybe in your words my mom would be strong seeing as though she has a husband which you say 'all' black women don't have, she theoretically lost a son the day my brother got married and lost the other the day I became an uncle. She has lost a lot, I guess. All of this just because a some self righteous, master degree having twit who doesn't know how to differentiate words expressing quantitative values, turns around and actually uses blanket statements to try to ridicule me like she's my master. My mind races, which explains most of my grammatical errors and punctuation. What's the excuse for your low level of reading comprehension? I am not against education. I was in the gifted program and had all honors and college level classes in high school. Though I don't have a degree, I've always had a zeal for knowledge, especially when it comes to God. When things don't measure up to his standards, and not much does, it is puffed up and tends to cause more problems that it solves. A man who pretends to be something when he is nothing deceives himself. It's like fat girls calling themselves thick or big-boned because fat makes them feel bad when that what they really are(check out some females profiles sometime). To me, someone calling themselve strong or proud in regard to normal situations, attainable goals, or life altering circumstances common to any man or woman is a lie, or conceited exaggeration, arrogance. I'm not trying to tear single mothers down for doing what they have to do for their families, but they better. No need to brag about doing something you're supposed to do. Ofcourse, it's natural for the woman to get custody of the children she carried and birthed, doesn't make her any more important than what she is. To me it just makes it more obvious what she needs and better do with her life. Making the right decisions in life takes more intelligence than strength. You believe in 'Might makes Right', I believe in 'Mind over Matter'. Screw grammar and punctuation, this is a blog, not a dissertation.
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Ichibod says:Posted: 12 Apr 09
Kim, Yes I do hear what I have say. That's why I make sure that I use the words 'some' and 'many as much as possible and you, having a master's degree didn't seem to pick that up. Wow, explain how being black is second the having degree (lol). The words 'some', 'many', 'a lot', 'few', a couple' can only be considered blanket statements for those that it applies to and idiots who just like to argue. My hero, Bill Cosby, ran into the same problem. Clearly describing the actions, words, and ramblings of the people he was talking about, and everyone goes up in arms about him hating 'all' black people. I guess when you say 'tons', are you refering to 'all' black people or 1200X lbs worth or black people (when I come under attack before being listened to or fully understood, the a-hole comes out). What makes any other woman not as strong? Many women have to survive without husbands, fathers, uncles, brothers, baby daddys... oh yes baby daddys. I've always looked at a woman, talking about being strong, with her 3 kids, her house, her college degree and come to realize that she isn't a widow. She's not divorced, and all the children don't have the same dad. Now pay attention this time. Notice I said 'a woman'. I did not say 'a black woman'. Illustrate the difference in strength with this statement provided no race is mentioned. Would a woman of a different race be any less strong. You must have issues with woman of other races if you feel that way. According to your babble, no black woman has had a man around them. Men have to enter into equation at some point, verify that with your surgeon and nurse cousins. They can probably explain the reproductive system to you. Let's not negate circumstances that has many black men absent, which was a point I was trying to make in my comment... part of it at least. Many woman make their way with child support and welfare. If a strong woman gets married, does she continue to flex her muscle giving competition to her husband, take a break and reserve her strength, or avoid men because they don't measure up to her ego? My mom has a husband, and has for the last 35 years... my dad (retired naval officer of 30 years). She is a black woman, by the way, and as you say 'all' black women have had to survive without husband. I guess according to you, I can't be strong or as strong seeing that 1) I am a man and 2) I have a father. Oh I forgot, I have a nephew, too. Technically, I don't exist. So maybe in your words my mom would be strong seeing as though she has a husband which you say 'all' black women don't have, she theoretically lost a son the day my brother got married and lost the other the day I became an uncle. She has lost a lot, I guess. All of this just because a some self righteous, master degree having twit who doesn't know how to differentiate words expressing quantitative values, turns around and actually uses blanket statements to try to ridicule me like she's my master. My mind races, which explains most of my grammatical errors and punctuation. What's the excuse for your low level of reading comprehension? I am not against education. I was in the gifted program and had all honors and college level classes in high school. Though I don't have a degree, I've always had a zeal for knowledge, especially when it comes to God. When things don't measure up to his standards, and not much does, it is puffed up and tends to cause more problems that it solves. A man who pretends to be something when he is nothing deceives himself. It's like fat girls calling themselves thick or big-boned because fat makes them feel bad when that what they really are(check out some females profiles sometime). To me, someone calling themselve strong or proud in regard to normal situations, attainable goals, or life altering circumstances common to any man or woman is a lie, or conceited exaggeration, arrogance. I'm not trying to tear single mothers down for doing what they have to do for their families, but they better. No need to brag about doing something you're supposed to do. Ofcourse, it's natural for the woman to get custody of the children she carried and birthed, doesn't make her any more important than what she is. To me it just makes it more obvious what she needs and better do with her life. Making the right decisions in life takes more intelligence than strength. You believe in 'Might makes Right', I believe in 'Mind over Matter'.
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kimmic says:Posted: 12 Apr 09
Tim, Tim, Tim, Did you hear some of the things that you said it your response? I know that you wrote it, but did you hear it? "Many blacks don’t speak english correctly as it is, nor do many of them have a desire for learning period. Then they just won’t speak this african language properly and they still won’t go to school." I don't know what circles you run in, but I know tons of educated black people and many who strive every day through formal and self education. I have a master's degree and I am working on a second and I am black. In my family, my generation alone is comprised of a surgeon, attorney, nurse and an engineer (and those are just my first cousins). Why you would make a blanket statement like that about black people is beyond my comprehension. That is "us" putting "us" down which is a big part of the problem. And your comment "You have many black women who are stuck in the whole ’strong black woman’ lie." You obviously have some issues with black women that you need to explore further. Why are we not strong? What makes that a lie? Black women have had to survive without our black men (husbands, fathers,uncles, etc.) Black women have lost a lot. You don't have to lose a child to feel that level of loss. We have had to make our own way without support. THAT MAKES US STRONG. Don't negate or discount that. Read what I had to say. And please, think about how hurtful the things that you want to say are before you say them. That is a big part of the problem. I could pick apart your grammar and punctuation, but that wouldn't be nice. Here is the solution...Be nice!
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Ichibod says:Posted: 12 Apr 09
You have to study the history. Like malarki5 said, this started in slavery and rooted itself deep. The basic development of every person begins in the family. I highly doubt slavery was meant to be temporary, therefore no concessions were made for family structure amongst slaves. Children were generally taken away when they were born and men separated from their women. Masters had their men breed with other masters's women, masters having their women breed with other masters's men. William Lynch came to Virginia to teach slave owners how to keep the slaves under control. Separate them into groups he said. The tall from the short, the light from the dark, fat from the skinny, young from the old, and most detrimentally the male from the female. Then find a way to set these groups against one another. One group plots a scheme, the rival group starts snitching or selling out for favors. From the beginning of time the man has been the dominant one not only the relationship, but the earth in general. The black man was intentionally held down and emasculated to discourage respect and sexual desire for. Blacks were slaves, where could a black couple go to raise a family if they were even allowed to remain a family for long. Romance could not clearly be defined nor exercised, many times there was no choice who you could start a relationship with, usually one of the few females around and slim pickins after 'massa' had first dibs on the better looking ones. The only advertised and acknowledged idea of feminine beauty was that of a white woman. There are so many more factors to mention it's really sad. One thing is for sure, learning and African language isn't going to change anything. Many blacks don't speak english correctly as it is, nor do many of them have a desire for learning period. Then they just won't speak this african language properly and they still won't go to school. If anything, courses on family structure in the black community can only fix this problem, yet it would take at least 3 generations before it is erradicated. You have many black women who are stuck in the whole 'strong black woman' lie. No offense, but a strong woman can either bench press more than me, has overcome the death of a child, or triumphed over a terminal disease. Just being a woman and liking the idea of calling yourself strong because of a speech, song, movie, or book don't cut it. Many black men don't feel like men in the presence of some black women, just as it was designed to work centuries ago. Many black women don't see black men as men even though they give birth to them and are generally given full custody of them as with their daughters. Many black women see black men as boys and some black men see themselves them same way. Black men have already been conditioned to father many children and not care for them, black women have been conditioned to have many children by different men. Black women have also be conditioned to care for her children by herself, as well as watch the black man beating, shot, hung, talked about, and have even been talked to about. How many pictures can you find of a whipped slave woman? How many phots of a hanging black woman can you find? How many times have you heard an adult black woman just being refered to as 'girl' (and I don't mean by her friends)? I know it 2sexy, these topics are getting very old. Many of them start with some white person's opinon, then some black women's beef with that white person's opinion. Followed by the typical lame , "Love has no color, we are all the same", comment. After a little of that garbage, more crap that has nothing to do with the topic, then a black man comes to the white person defense, and maybe a counterattack from a guy who just wants his flirt to 'beef' chick accepted, and then the heat is on and you never see another comment from a white person for the rest of the blog. Just back a forth, black men and women not getting along in a blog asking why black men and women don't along. Tim
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bless56 says:Posted: 12 Apr 09
as long as the person is confrontable,with who they are and in their skin who cares,if you date white are black? ad if someone has a problem,(if someone has the problem)and its not you,the hey lets move on and live our on lives.Life is to short to even waste breath with what those who have (sick issues)to tell you who you should date,black or white. thats why this world in a real mess right now!the so-called exsperts! rather they are green,black,white (it really boils down t0 the heart) racism is a HEART AND MIND DEASE (question) are you sick? (selah)
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romanticfool says:Posted: 11 Apr 09The problem I have as a black man in the American black community is all the popularized self hatred and power mongering effects within it post intergration. Being a nice guy or a good woman is considered weak in the black community, in comparison to the successful deception for mating purposes. I would rather not date black women if it means being someone I am not good at being. That is ny personal opinion.
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Conbrio69 says:Posted: 11 Apr 09People are people and they are attracted to who they are attracted to simple!! So, if we would get out of our own way, we will all be happy. Love who you love, end of the subject.
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kimmic says:Posted: 11 Apr 09
Barbeee, There has always been conflict between tribes in all cultures. A funny example being the Hatfields and McCoys. ha ha But,if you research the history of the beginning of most African tribal wars like that in Rwanda, outside European influences motivated the division and subsequent war between tribes. I am sure that you have heard of a control tactic called "divide and conquer". Well that is what has happened in most African nations with on-going tribal wars. "Because Europeans thought that the Tutsi looked more like themselves (they had lighter skin) than did other Rwandans, they found it reasonable to suppose them closer to Europeans in the evolutionary hierarchy and hence closer to them in ability. Believing the Tutsi to be more capable, they found it logical for the Tutsi to rule Hutu and Twa just as it was reasonable for Europeans to rule Africans. Unaware of the “Hutu” contribution to building Rwanda, the Europeans saw only that the ruler of this impressive state and many of his immediate entourage were Tutsi, which led them to assume that the complex institutions had been created exclusively by Tutsi. Not surprisingly, Tutsi welcomed these ideas about their superiority, which coincided with their own beliefs. In the early years of colonial rule, Rwandan poets and historians, particularly those from the milieu of the court, resisted providing Europeans with information about the Rwandan past. But as they became aware of European favoritism for the Tutsi in the late 1920s and early 1930s, they saw the advantage in providing information that would reinforce this predisposition. They supplied data to the European clergy and academics who produced the first written histories of Rwanda. The collaboration resulted in a sophisticated and convincing but inaccurate history that simultaneously served Tutsi interests and validated European assumptions." The same is true for African Americans. Slave owners separated black husbands from their wives and children. Slaves with lighter skin were held in higher regard. The key to overcoming this is to recognize and resist it. You black guys throwing stones at black women who may not be formally educated...shame on you! I know plenty of uneducated women of other races too.Black women who condemn and put down black men...shame on you! I personally have a one love mentality but, there is nothing wrong with respecting and identifying with your own race. Irish people feel a cultural connection, Chinese, Cuban, Japanese, etc. There is nothing wrong that. But, it is very wrong to attack anyone because of their ethnicity (even if you are of the same ethnicity).
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2Sexy4MyAge says:Posted: 10 Apr 09lol,lol this stuff is funny. I have to laugh(only because it's hard for me to be amazed) I am trying to understand why, why so many post about; black on black relationships, black women loving white men, black women don't have any choice and it just continues and continues to no positive end, as though there isn't any.lol. Further, I have to laugh at how so many blacks get drawn into these negative, nothing to be gain from post about their race.lol, Its ONLY you, especially you, depicting yourself,....of how you are and not any other black person or race.As though you have a psycological delemna on race. RACE IS NOT THE PROBLEM,HOW AN INDIVIDUAL FEELS (conflicts) WITHIN THEMSELVES IS THE PROBLEM. Peace Be With You
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malarki5 says:Posted: 09 Apr 09
Hi Barbeee, one of the reasons for conflict among Blacks in African go back to when the European clonialists carved-up Africa among themselves. These false borders have yet to be rectified. India and China are one mighty nation...Mother Africa is all-too many. But things are looking up, believe me! However, I do see your point but do please pay careful attention to how our African kin conduct themselves in the US. See how they club together to purchase homes, study, work and marry like its going out of style! These are our people and we have much to learn from them. Loyalty can be learned if we have stuff to be loyal over. Just one Black person finding another sexually attractive is simply not enough. We need ties that bind. We must reclaim our African languages (the names should be optional) and then see us 'fly' as a people. I think you and I suspect that there's sooo much more to come from Africa's lost tribe than what is presently on display. We are not done yes, sister. Obama was only the begining! Menelik Charles London
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Barbeeee says:Posted: 09 Apr 09
Black women and men are just sick and tired of each other!!! We've always been somewhat divided but it's worse nowadays!! Malarki5, I see what you're saying but look at the Africans in Africa. They are divided as well. They're killing each other. What's their excuse? Perhaps this behavior is embedded in Blacks. Who knows? I think using slavery as an excuse is our defense mechanism. If you really think about it, our Black ancestors stuck together more during slavery. They got married by jumping the broom, helped each other escape, etc. They stuck together because they were all that they had. Nowadays, Black men and women have options and freedoms that they didn't have centuries or even decades ago. A lack of loyalty is what has divided us as a people.
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malarki5 says:Posted: 09 Apr 09
Hi guys, Do you know what? I'm gonna bore the pants off ya and suggest that the basis for all Black conflict is the lack of an exclusive African culture (i.e. as seperate from all others). The stuff we call culture is, in fact, derived from the plantations and is NOT an African culture. What we're dealing with (indeed, what we are producing)is a 'popular culture' e.g. music, language, clothing for the Western World. We slave-descended Africans lack an intimacy, a privacy, if you will, since we are, in effect, a violated people. We have inherited the psychic wounds of our ancestors. We can only truly begin to heal once we as a people organise to make compulsory the teaching of an African language in US and UK schools for all African children descended from African slaves. This would be an important first step as it would begin to erase the nonsense that is 'Ebonics' and instil in our people an appreciation of language and learning...it would also be awsome to be able to communicate with our West African kinfolk for the first time in centuries! Can you imagine us have our public arguments in a West African tongue, and yet non but our own people understanding a word being uttered? That's intimacy, privacy...the start of a true, binding BLACK culture! Menelik Charles London England
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Barbeeee says:Posted: 08 Apr 09
I wouldn't call the divide between black women and black men, frenemies!!! It's more like enemies!!! It's pretty sad. We're clearly disppointed in one another. I'm not sure if this can be fixed anytime soon.
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getitite says:Posted: 08 Apr 09We shouldn't let society dictate what type of person is good for us. If someone of a race other than your own is making you happy then more power to you. And if you are in a happy relationship with someone of your own race then more power to you too. I think it's those people that haven't found a happy relationship who are dwelling on this interracial thing. Because if you're happy then what do you really care who is dating who?
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cocobaker813 says:Posted: 08 Apr 09I'm with secchance! As a Black woman, I'm kinda tired of being lumped in with other Black women as "Blackmanhaters"! Okay, just like there are some(SOME) white women who don't(or won't) date White men for certain reasons, and want to only date other races/ethnicities of men, some(SOME)White men who don't(or won't) date white women,or only date one race/ethnicity of woman, some(SOME) Black and Latino and Asian men who feel the way the others do, why is it that Black women DON'T have any other options? Some Black men get mad if we don't stay in the race, some get mad if we make more money, some get mad because we want a man who is a good provider(just like any woman, I might add), and I'm called a "golddigger". Then there's the hate that some Black women throw on each other, when we defend Black men(because like all other races, there are good men too!), throw shade if we "betray the race" by dating outside, and yes, even get nasty from some(SOME) White women who insist that they can take care of a Black man better than any Black woman, and that we are too loud, nasty, demanding and angry(yes, I've faced this, so please don't say it never happens)Gee, I wonder why I'm angry when I've just been told I'm inadequate! Then there are some(SOME) of the White men who do date Black women that have the ulterior motive of being with me, but never wanting to introduce me to the family, because "they wouldn't understand"(I've heard this, so please don't try to say that never happens!). Why am I being lumped into "hating" a Black man/White woman couple when I say, "Who cares?" I'm not angry, I'm not vindictive, just tired. I'm a woman who is Black who wants to find someone I can spend time with, I don't care what color he is, as long as he has respect, morals, manners and "home training". Am I asking for any more than any other woman? I can't hate Black men, because my brother, nephews, uncles, cousins, father and grandfather are Black men. I give props to men who do right by taking care of and loving their families, strive to be successful in whatever career/vocation they work at, but all I seem to get back is "You're too...", followed by negatives(pushy, loud, dark, tall) and it's not fair. I don't lump all Black men(or any group of men) in one category, it would be nice to feel the same way, and remember that all of NO GROUP is better or worse! If 1 or 41,000 black women have one opinion, there are many many more who don't. As for statistics, what's the number of the sample that the 77.1% comes from? Am I in the 31.9% that weren't brainwashed? Or is it I grew up and like an adult formed my own opinion despite the environment? Instead of happiness, I get to wage a war with a group of men, and I didn't even sign up for it! Blueeyze39, I get that hate too, and I didn't even do anything to deserve it! If I try to go after a Black man, there's something wrong with me, I date White man, there's still something wrong. I keep putting SOME in caps because I'm emphasizing that not every race or gender acts in one way(except Black women, I'm noticing).
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carmelrxn says:Posted: 08 Apr 09
I think there are some anger between the two groups. I am a black woman. I truly respect black men. I think that everyone should date who ever they want and do not worry about the next person. I have mostly dated outside my race my entire life. I think it is great when anyone finds someone they love no matter their race. When I see black men with non black women, I have no feeling of anger, I think there goes a great couple, I hope they are happy. So all black women do not hate black men even though they may not be involved in a realtionship with one.
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secchance says:Posted: 07 Apr 09
Just wanted to quote "Can't we all just get along", the reality is no one is getting out of this thing called life, alive so enjoy while time permits. Personally I don't give a s__t. When I am six feet under I bet not one living a__ will jump in to go where ever I am. Love, Peace and Happiness. (Chambers Brothers)
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TEWAY2 says:Posted: 07 Apr 09
And by the way, some of the profiles on this site look like they have typed by a 2 year-old. PROOFREAD YOUR WORK !!!!!
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TEWAY2 says:Posted: 07 Apr 09
This issue has more to do with history than race. The Black American today lives by a different set of values than he did 30-40 years ago.
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- 9. Are Black women and Asian men being sidelined?
- 10. Is the White man the Black woman’s ideal man?
I'm addressing this to RideThisBlackCowboy. I had no issue with your post until you mentioned that black women are not regarded desirable by any race. I'm not sure if you are stating this as your opinion or if you think that what you're saying is factual. Although SOME black women are not considered desirable by men of other races, there are a lot of black beauties that men of different races would love to be with and are with. I hate to burst your bubble. I can say that because I'm one of them. I attract them all (Black, White, Indian, Middle Eastern, Italian, Asian, Hispanic, etc.) I don't date every man that is attracted to me, like most women. Here's a fact: SOME Black men are sexually desirable by women of different races but they're considered beneath those women. Compared to men of other races, Black men are considered the low of the low. Most Black men have nothing to offer any woman of any race but sex and swagger. Most of them can't provide for any woman of any race, be it emotionally or financially!!! Last time I checked, sex and swagger can't buy a house, food, clothes, or sustain a healthy loving relationship. I have intelligent, beautiful, sexy girlfriends of different races that have been in relationships with black men and have decided to leave Black men alone. According to them, Black men are sexy but too DIFFICULT to be with compared to men of other races. I told them welcome to our world. See, Black men show their "a$$es" with everyone they get involved with not just Black women. So to all of you cocky Black men who think you're some god to women of other races, put this in your pipe and smoke it!!! Your days are numbered!! When you're done sucking the life and money out of these exotic women don't bother looking back, we Black women will have already moved on to bigger and better things.