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Are internet initiated marriages doomed to head south?

Posted by Ria, 29 Oct

Cyber love… success stories… we never cease to hear about them. Well it’s a great way of reassuring those of us who want none of that to at least realize that love is love. It doesn’t matter where you find it coz when cupid strikes… he knows no time or space or distance.

There is an emergence of people who have clicked their way to the altar… and Matt Frassica was one of them. He was featured in People magazine as a cyber-love success story in 1998… he had found his love on the Internet.

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Six years later, he became a divorcee. And all those common interests he shared with his Cyber bride - long walks on the beach, homemade lasagna and a love for the romantic comedy "While You Were Sleeping" weren't enough to make Frassica's marriage last. He realized he was gay and so ended his once successful cyber dream of "happily ever after".

Internet dating sites began to sprout up about 12 years ago and come 2002 it raised less eyebrows. According to the Pew Internet and American Life Project, about 3 million Americans have found love online, entered a long-term relationship, and/or married.

However, area therapists and family-law attorneys say that they are noticing an increasing number of cyber-splits. Apparently, much as most have found their one-and-only on the net, it seems that cyber-romance will also bring with it its fair share of divorces.

Why this line of thinking?

Given that the median length of a first marriage that ends in divorce is eight years, (according to a 2005 Census Bureau survey) so far there has been no formal statistics showing if Internet marriages fair better than traditional forms of meeting. But their biggest fear is the RUSH…

A Match.com study revealed 11 percent of married couples who met through it's site were in love before meeting. What people portray online through their profile and e-mails exchanged is just enough to start the fantasy of happily-ever-after. "They have already created this image that this person is perfect for them," said Orange County relationship specialist Michelle Conboy. "They become so excited about the prospect of this fantasy coming true that they ignore red flags and don't ask the right questions."

Another marriage-family therapist described it as the dessert plate you see at a restaurant and you create an idea in your head about how it's going to taste. But when you get down to eating it it's a different story - 'Wait, this tastes different. It's not what I ordered.'

Most people usually turn to online dating coz they are fed-up with short-lived romances and bar hopping hence they are on a mission to meet someone. "They are eager and looking intently but are they at more risk of rushing it and eventually divorcing?,"

Are online daters rushing into the altar too soon? Are we going back to the days of impulsive Vegas weddings which have raised the divorce rate in America? Are internet-initiated marriages doomed to head south?

Tags: internet marriages, cyber love

Responses to "Are internet initiated marriages doomed to head south?"

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RAYNEDELAY says:

Posted: 17 Jan 10

My concern is getting one started in the first place. Then I will worry about the marriage rates.

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mossimo says:

Posted: 08 Nov 07

Wishing us all the best in our online endevours!

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laugh_sailor says:

Posted: 04 Nov 07

There are different kinds of information we have in person, versus online dating. In person, we pick up subtle non-verbal cues and often have friends in common to verify a prospective date's personality. Asking vital questions about their goals and situation in life is socially difficult in person but easy to read in a profile. If we make little or no effort in online dating, we'll likely see a poor result and some become embittered. I find the large number of people actively looking (Remember that in a social setting, few people are actively looking for a partner and there is a significant investment in time required to discover the many deal breakers listed on a profile.), combined with the great sorting tools an environment in which I can actually look for a woman who is just right for me. I can certainly find that gal when I'm out sailing around the world but I don't want to wait and finding that woman in my daily life is about as likely as winning the lottery: It's certainly a romantic life but most women want a home that stays put. Nick Carter's point is sadly right: Most U.S. marriages end in divorce, for a lot of reasons that are valid regardless of how people meet. Many do settle and the fundamental problems initially glossed over inevitably come out. People also change and many simply don't have the mindset of seeing themselves as a permanent team-mate. It all gets back to good personal character traits, similarities in kinds of interests, chemistry and hard work.

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mossimo says:

Posted: 03 Nov 07

All tongue in cheek, I met my woman on the internet Hoganfan

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cocokisses says:

Posted: 01 Nov 07

Good point Hoganfan. If that were the case, then why are there so many interracial sites thriving?

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hoganfan says:

Posted: 31 Oct 07

No they are not doomed! We are proof of that by being here!

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mossimo says:

Posted: 30 Oct 07

Yes, they are all doomed and we should all give up now!!! Run for the hills people, the sky is falling!

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blkbeauty31 says:

Posted: 29 Oct 07

goodmorning all ; )!!! wow!!!was this a good one. on the one hand, we have to be careful to give an internet relationship time enough to grow just like any other. but then, it seems meeting someone on the internet has a stigma to a degree. so when there is a problem, the first thought that comes to mind is "well, i did meet this person on-line". but we have to realize every relationship has its challenges regardless ; ). have a great day!

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Fkoi says:

Posted: 29 Oct 07

Interesting question. Since most marriages in the US of A end in divorce, there is no real reason to think that ones that begin on the Internet would fare any better. And maybe not as well. If the notion that you have met "the One" is on your mind, especially before you have actually met, you are probably in for a rude awakening. Even after a couple meets and dates, and continues a relationship in the "real" world, problems can arise. Some of them can be solved through better (or any) communication. Some (like "discovering" that you are gay) can't. Back in the day, people stayed together through thick and thin. The marriage vows were not only taken seriously as a commitment, but they were too often a jail sentence to an unhappy life, especially for women who were economically chained to their husbands. That's different today. Are people too ready to throw out the relationship at the first sign of trouble? Maybe. But we all have to look at what we are trying to find in someone else. I don't believe I can ever find happiness IN someone else. I do believe I can WITH someone else. Stay tuned!

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vt33 says:

Posted: 29 Oct 07

Good Blog! Yes, Yes and Yes. Online dating, has more downs than ups. It is similiar to the workplace romance, it always ends up either, broken up or a scandal or some other embarrasing situation. People are fed up with "the people around them" excuse. They tend to use the internet as a way of escaping that. I believe a lot of "the people around them", that is a wording for I have had dated, sexed those people and essentially I am bored. Internet relationships, gives people the opportunity to hide their true self. The article states, Matt realized he was gay. For Fraccisa, that was a personal blow and a painful one. Who's to say a lot of people who are looking for love via the net, aren't the same. They have feelings that they just can't explain, and blame it on the surroundings, when it is somthing else much deeper. Internet dating, can be quite tricky, you don't really know the person you are dealing with. The rush factor, that can fall under two catagories, narcist, or crazy. Can a person really rush into somthing if the other person allows them too. Yes! The thought relys on the old saying, don't rush in to anything. It stands true today, if somthing looks to good to be true, trust me it is! No one wants to be alone, the media has made that point, and it has hit home with a lot of people. All you see are celebrity couples, lavish weddings, exclusive homes, big bling all that. It kind of toys with the mind especially womens, they want that marriage. Yet they are forsaking the values, they were giving as little girls. The last blog was about "Find out Later", what can you truly find out about a person behind a screen. If Frassia, had done this or that, or maybe paid closer attention to the smaller things, perhaps she would have notice a signal that Matt was a raging mo! It is difficult, I think to talk to a person and click, and then not go to fast is hard. It is like..boom, we fit here, whats the next piece, ahh again we fit, next piece etc. That can be a recipe for disaster. No one meets in church anymore, no one has Sunday afternoon lemonade, no one meets at a community affair and click. The old ways of finding love aren't a fashionable anymore. It is sad really, when we forget the old society of how are parents met. Can anyone truly meet a serious, lasting relationship in this format? I don't want to sound negative, but I really dont' think so. I had someone sound off on me on the blog, it stated, they had met many beautiful, friends. I had to think, if you had met so many beautiful friends, how is it you have not found one that suits your fancy. It kind of puts the mind at, well you are not really serious in this format, it is more let me find one that looks this way, or has this going on. Yet itfalls to how come you can't find that right companion where you live? IF that is the case, open the door, go outside, and let that special someone come to you. When you notice people, in the Target, or in the mallor at the gym someone you pass by in the street, that you feel that wow! factor. That is the start of somthing, that person has to give you that lingering look, the look every man and woman notices, and sends the signal, go talk to her. ATTRACTION. You can't get that over a picture or a monitor, only thing you get there is a fantasy of somthing. Fantasy still has the same definition unrestrained imagination, an illusory mental image: a visonary ideal. This is what this internet thing is. It is like that site Secondlife, you get the chance to be who you really want to be in the world, and they have if not a million memebers if not more. That is a scarey thing thou, using the internet to be who you really want to be, when you can go outside your front door and acheive that. I am going to stop now before this turns into a thesis. OOPS I did it again..till the next episode! Gone!

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