Are Black women and Asian men being sidelined?
I'm always blogging about how White guys are getting the hot Asian women… but let's not forget Black guys dating White women.
One thing that made me sit and think for a moment is… "Are there fewer white men that are willing to date black women… and even fewer white women willing to date Asian men?" It’s like Black women and Asian men are being left on the sideline when it comes to the interracial dating game. So why is this?
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When it comes to online dating, Black women and Asian women seem to be disadvantaged. Men of all races usually claim to be open to dating men of all races but they seem to have reservations when it comes to Black women. Similarly, women who claim that they just want to find a nice, kind, respectful man, who say physical preference is not a deal-breaker seem to pump their brakes at Asian men.
Whether we like it or not, this is evident online and also with other match-making services. The profiles of Asian men and Black women rank lowest when it comes to the numbers of other singles showing interest in them. They seem to get fewer messages as well as fewer matches. Matchmaking services also say that these two groups are the hardest to find matches for.
There is the emasculation of Asian men by the media for years that seems to have translated to a self-fulfilling prophecy that ended up giving birth to an actual non-attraction to Asian men in real life.
As for black women, the media portrays them as sassy, strong women who emasculate men. Society makes them appear to be more masculine than women of other races making people assume that they are effeminate, hence physically less attractive.
Asian men and black women are having a harder time dating because of the societal constructed beauty standards and stereotypes. On the other hand, Asian women and Black men are doing so much better with Asian women being idealized as being more sexual and more feminine and Black men as more masculine and well endowed.
Then there is also a different spin to all this... maybe Black women and Asian men probably aren’t interested in dating outside of their own race...
The other thing about Asian men and Black women is that this particular interracial combo is also rare. Black woman-Asian man couples are sometimes even ridiculed as poor matches by whites, blacks, and Asians alike. Is this combo freakish as some people who have never seen such a couple put it?
I believe when people finally get over their rigidity and put a human face to black woman-Asian man relationships eventually they will respect this combo as much as most Americans accept and even laud some other types of interracial unions.
Well, I think this would be one viable option to consider in interracial dating… Seeing as Black women and Asian men are the least likely groups to be matched online, maybe they should consider dating each other more. That way we will see a rise in Asian Men Black Women couples and then maybe, we will stop gawking when we see them. What do you make of it?
476 responses to "Are Black women and Asian men being sidelined?"
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nisey says:Posted: 27 Dec 07
I am currently dating a chinese guy , and he is wonderful! I am supposed to go to China next year to meet his parents. I am a little nervous about meeting them. But he has already told them about me and they had saw photos of me. They can't wait to meet me . for all people in this world , please stop looking at color and race. Look at the humanity. I was once narrowed this way and then became opened minded ,and found a true treasure in my life. My family loves him as well.
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Member says:Posted: 23 Dec 07
I am married to a Chinese man and have never had anyone say anything rude to us. I have unfortunately gotten slightly dirty looks from Black men and women, and well it's a damn shame. If Black women keep their options limited the majority will remain husbandless. I am happier than I ever thought possible and it's because I allowed myself to fall in love with the person (although very handsome) and not the fact that he is an Asian man. I can't imagine anyone making me happier than he does! I think that it's important for Black women to expand their options instead of pining away for some White or Black prince in shining armor never to come! I've always dated outside of my race and it totally surprised me that I would have so much in common with an Asian man and that we would be soul mate types... blew my mind and I'm glad!
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Another says:Posted: 20 Dec 07
Hi there, I'm an Asian guy. I grew up in a military area where white/korean and black/korean families were commonplace, with many of them being my friends. However, those families always consisted of a white or black man and an asian woman. I have never seen an AM/BW relationship before, but I am completely open to it, as I've learned to accept everyone regardless of race. I have had a crush on a black girl before, and I was drawn to her because of her great personality. I currently have another female friend who is half black and half Korean, and she always gets complements of how pretty she is.
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moxy12 says:Posted: 16 Dec 07
ChibiMethos...do not marry someone just because you wish to be married. Hang in there and keep your options opens.
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Member says:Posted: 06 Dec 07
I grew up in a multi-culture environment and after years of being an 'isolationist' now view mixed relationships as a necessity. Anyway the supposed demarcations between races is superficial we are all one race, even if that sounds cliched. We are all a part of the human family - homo sapiens and the minute differences are not apparent genetically. Our focus should be to accept ourselves as we are, regardless of height, weight, race, big ears, small ears, etc. and then accept each other. It's not that difficult, you would think, but the fact that the same old same old are being churned out year after year means we still have a long way to go. If you are in a 'mixed' relationship - good for you, if you are not, good for you too. It should not make a jot of a difference. The internet is a fabulous way of linking people across the globe and I am glad to have this opportunity to share my thoughts with you all. Zee Harrison
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Leeann says:Posted: 15 Nov 07
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NIbxxH3ZcCg AM-BW: Friends, Couples 'n Fam.
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ChibiMethos says:Posted: 01 Nov 07
I am a black female, and to be honest, if I had my druthers, I'd only date Asian men. But I agree with Starthai, many asians have a vey low opinion of blacks, and the ones that are willing to try to see beyond their family's disaproval are treated badly themselves, not to metion the disaproval the woman will have to endure from her family. Also, while the offspring from such unions are often very attractive, many Americanized Asian parents would rather have their child marry someone white, so that their children will be lighter. I believe the other issue is approachability. I have one friend who is Chinese, and he is adorable, but he only wants to date white girls. So, we'll just be buddies and that's it. Once you sit down and consider all these things, it's just easier to either go it alone,or begin the slow, desperate search for an educated, black male with a good job and no kids who isn't related to you.
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DeeAnn says:Posted: 31 Oct 07
This post need more ASIAN MEN to SPEAK UP! We know where the females stand on am/bf relatioships. Ann - Go Saints
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DeeAnn says:Posted: 31 Oct 07
To Queendom70114: I agree with you in the south a bf with any other race of man is a surprise to most people and this is one reason why it is not that easy for most bf to go beyond what we may consider the normal dating situation. However, all females and especially bf need love, a higher level of education, companionship, patience, financial security, the need to feel safe and secure, and God in her life. I wish you and yours well and I hope his family treasures you exactly the same way your family treasures him. Ann - Go Saints
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Alaru says:Posted: 31 Oct 07
I think the Asian culture is such that marrying within the culture is highly promoted. When I worked in South Korea I did see alot of BM/AW couples in Seoul but that was probably due to the exposure over a long period to Black people due to the military base there.
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Queendom70114 says:Posted: 26 Oct 07
I am happily involved with a guy who is half white and asian. We live in the SOUTH in Metairie (which is a mostly white, formerly Harry Lee run city in Jefferson Parish). While at first I was not so shocked by the looks we got, because I had dated outside of my race before, I noticed that black men were fist to make comments like "awww damnnn... she with him?"). However, we have been together three years now. He is one of the most sensitive people I have met and although we have gotten through the most awkward issues, we accept the differences and learn things from eachother. Granted I am a young 36 and he is a very YOUNG 45, and we are both professionals (Legal and Medical), we still behave like decadent kids together. However, we are planning our lives together and cannot wait to have a children when he finishes his Masters Program. I have to be honest and say that I became frustrated with some of the educated black and white guys I dated in my past. I personally observed that most black and white professional men have 1980s mindesets (i.e., party party party all the time). Quite honestly, as a I became tired of the game and I dropped to my knees and prayed for someone who would just love me and our lives together, and who would protect me our family, and be faithful friend and be a partner (and I specfied that I did not care WHAT race he was). And the rest speaks for itself. I think my Amer-asian guy and I are quite happy. Oh, my family loves him and his family thinks I take good care of him.
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Starthai says:Posted: 21 Oct 07
I like your post Leeann, very inspiring. I bet you are very beautiful, even though I have no taste for Asian men I think the offsprings of Black and Asian comes out very beautiful. Thanks for the post :)
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Leeann says:Posted: 20 Oct 07
I was brought up in a Black,Asian parent home setting, and I came out just fine. I am sure my parents, parents (My grandparents) had problems with the coupling but they (My parents) stuck it out and had me "smiles". I have a mixture of African American and Asian Features with dark skin, and I am always being told how pretty I am. My Mother is Black and Father Asian. I have 2 other sibblings that were just like me. I am 25 years old and I have my own company. I graduated college. I was raised with other multi-cultured famlies like mine, and their children were my friends that I played with and hung out with. So to me it was normal!! Even when some bigot said different. I feel the reason you may not see couples like my parents is because I know my family was OVER protective. We did go out and traveled, but they wanted to avoid the chaos of society. We are here just hidden and protecting ourselves from crazy people LOL...SO if you want to date then DATE! Why make it harder then it is? When it just comes down in the end to you and that person. So hope this has helped or gives you some insight to my life and how it was for me being a child from thise beautiful love "UNION":) Also one last note. My parents will have been married this coming November for 29 years! Peace~
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Starthai says:Posted: 18 Oct 07
Southlane thanks for your opinion, but I disagree with the value education and etc. I wish you could have came across the ones I met, totally ignorant, For instance when I was a Dental Assistant I worked in an all Asian environment which was cool, because I didn't know the culture but I soon realized (especially the women) they looked down on Blk females in particular, there was on incident to where a White female was trying to apply for a position and soon after the Dentist mentioned to another Phillipino female that she will not higher a white female, because they want too much money. Now you read between those lines, (and there was many more ignorances like that, but I don't want to write a book) they think of blk females as low down and dirty and the reason why I say blk females is because they adored and had no problems with any blk males that came in the office (only the blk females). I stand by my opinion I wouldn't date an Asian man to save my life and sorry if I offend the small few that are not Undercover racists. Totally not interested in the culture.
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deeann says:Posted: 18 Oct 07
To Southland...I was just wondering what does your opinion on 10/17th has to do with Asian men and Blk. females? Personally, I am doing my part as far as being responsible. Peace
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SouthLane says:Posted: 18 Oct 07
most asian women that date black men get looked down on because most black men don't know the word responsibility. Oprah said 75% of black kids are fatherless... Most are jobless and uneducated. Asians value education and good professions, family
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Diyal says:Posted: 27 Sep 07
Hello Ok so I was wondering about Asian men and African american women... like when i was in high school my first boyfriend was from Cambodia but I never thought about it being a big thing.... that was YEARS ago.... Present time... This Asai guy and I have befriended one another...and it just crosed my mind... I don't see alot of AM and BW- Ok I don't see it all... Romeo Must Die was the closest.... But honestly it seem like it's one of those things- thats just not common. Like I know if he and I went out together HEADS WILL TURN. Because It's not common... I don't think it phase him one bit though... very wierd....
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manzoor says:Posted: 24 Sep 07
princessmm1 i agree with you. i am asin man ,,try to understand me,
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TrueHarmony says:Posted: 23 Sep 07
Fala, I must admit that Takeshi Kaneshiro truly is a hottie! I have a girlfriend who is African American and her husband is Chinese. They make an awesome couple and have the most beautiful children. But they seem to get along just fine. they have a wonderful relationship.
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Starthai says:Posted: 23 Sep 07
Lol@wind, I also agree with you Paul, but too little is not good I think that was Wind's point lol....
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paul says:Posted: 23 Sep 07
black woman like it big ? where did that come from every woman are built different down there my freind just like men are some like it big some like it alittle down sized my ex was a well built female 5 ft 10 and black 170 pounds but down in the private parts she was small and tight so thats bull my freind . ask most woman will tell you to big painfull inbetween small and big just right
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howyaluvdat says:Posted: 23 Sep 07
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ar08SDeKDio My link got cut off of the last post. Sorry!
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howyaluvdat says:Posted: 23 Sep 07
It's more prevelant than you might think. Check out this slide show. The fist 30 seconds or so are show different movies a sign that times are changing, but I think you 'll be pleasantly surpised.
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wind says:Posted: 22 Sep 07
black women like it big if you know what i mean, and asian men are small in nature. that is what it all come down to dude
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Starthai says:Posted: 16 Sep 07
I agree Kat some of these elite "Black Female" stars may and or do not represent the black women population.
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TriChique says:Posted: 15 Sep 07
Starthai, I hear you, but definitely keep your options open. princessamm1 - good for you. I have always 'secretly' been attracted, but in the effort of trying to fit in dated BM. Most of whom cannot relate. Not saying it's all just the guys I met. I finally have to be true to who I am, shame on me for waiting so long.
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princessamm1 says:Posted: 15 Sep 07
I'm a Black woman and until recently had never entertained the thought of dating an Asian man...until I met one. I had never taken advantage of the opportunity to get to know any Asian people growing up, attending school or at work, but I wish I had. I recently met an Asian gentleman who is smart, sexy, confident, and easy to talk to (did I mention sexy?). I find myself checking out Asian men everywhere I go...it's as if that fine man I met opened my eyes to a whole new world of possibilities. I feel having an open mind when it comes to dating/marriage will greatly increase your chances of finding that special someone. :)
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Starthai says:Posted: 14 Sep 07
TriChique, all I have to say is more power to you, just don't include me in that dream.
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TriChique says:Posted: 13 Sep 07
I must agree with a previous post - Asian men are always portrayed (in America) as either very intelligent or of course some martial arts superhero who walks away with just a feeling of pride that he saved the day. (almost as if they are asexual beings) And then what is always thrown at us for being sexy, some white or black man whisking the woman (you pick a race) off her feet, or as they are descending from the top of a building stop a moment for a passionate kiss. Hell even the villainesses get those types of kisses, except if they are Black women. I liked guys who are down to earth and aren't busy trying to categorize me. I find once we get past the book cover and into the book, we Black Women and Asian Men have a lot to share. Some things in common other things not, but there's room for wonderful relationships to happen. I too love the IKEA commercial as a matter of fact I rewound the DVR to watch it again the first time I saw it. My concern is that with everything else, they are going to beautify everyone. The Asian man with the 'prettiest" of features with the black woman with the "prettiest" of features. Of course that is according to the media and beauty industry anyway. I hope to see more and more Asian Man/Black Woman couples in the future. I mean like in my neighborhood. Heck, may be me and ...he.
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Kat says:Posted: 13 Sep 07
I completly agree with the article. Black women and Asian man are placed on the sidelines. As an Afro-Carib living upstate ny,I think I see interracial couples with black men and non-black women more than black couples. As diverse as society may be, non-black men are not as willing to date a Black women as people may think. I'm not a bad looking gal and I've seen some very attractive white men but I'm afraid to approach any of them because I'm black. The steoro-type of black women is still strong and black beauty is still questionable. Halle Berry,Vanessa Wiliams and Beyonce are beautiful but they are also mixed race and may not represent the black women population. Among my several psy and african classes in college, apparently women are more likely to date outside their race. But other sources states that black women are less likely to date outside their race because of race pride. With the limited black men in this world, heck I will date anyone that doesn't look like barney or the teenager mutant turtles. As far as Asian men, I've seen some hot Asian men on t.v. Even that guy from the IkEA commericial is cute. But Asian men always been associate with being intelligent not necessarial sexy.
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fala says:Posted: 12 Sep 07
Jet Li yeah he's hot! and Chow Yun Fat and Ken Watanabe from the Last Samurai, and Tony Leung from Hero, and check out Takeshi Kaneshiro - he's a double threat half Japanese/half Chinese. ;-)
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Cindie says:Posted: 11 Sep 07
Jet Li and Jackie Chan are pretty hot! But they are also more "worldly" than most Asian men........
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Sammy says:Posted: 11 Sep 07
I have only seen one asian guy with a black lady here in my city so far although i'v seen several asian women with black men. I still just believe go with your heart,even though I like a dark complexion, hair an eyes I"v dated most races at one time or another from-Viet-phily-chinese,to black and mexican. I have found by talking to alot of people -men and women that many are still scared to date outside thier race or at least color--fear of the unknown i'd say. Many think others are attractive ,but scared to make that first move. And fala i believe that goes for most races -staying pretty much to thier own kind.Only a few of us-such as in here look past the race color thing to go for what we want in the person rather than just the race.
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fala says:Posted: 11 Sep 07
I dated a guy from Japan once. He was totally hot. Not at all like the stereotype - he was tall and fit and he knew how to treat a lady. I've found most Asians in the U.S. are pretty closed to associating with people outside their race - even just as friends and stuff. They seem to stick together and not let anyone else in. I've tried but always been rejected or looked at with suspicion. Just my experience.
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angellx says:Posted: 10 Sep 07
Each 2 their own taste...as a black woman i have recently dated two asian guys an believe me they ain't no different to white/black guys out there ones a complete gentleman an the others a wanna get into your panties kinda guy....funny thing is i met them both on a dating site.....the only issue i have is that they both cannot dance to save their lives....
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chaacha402 says:Posted: 10 Sep 07
I think Asian men who are 2nd and 3rd generations...who are have become more bicultural..."Americanized"...have the attitude to go after any in which woman they are interested...hey I think white men still have a hesitation when approaching a black woman... I know, I have dated white men and there is still an uncertainty if the interaction is a of niceness or romantic interest..also we all sometimes question on some level if family, friends will object ... I say to all, you don't know what color the love of your life will be...just do it! no or not interested...won't kill you!
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Starthai says:Posted: 10 Sep 07
Ria and everyone else check this video out this is very pleasing to black woman as a whole. ttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2vMqVQgGWM
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Starthai says:Posted: 10 Sep 07
Lol@VT i like your comment. I do agree the offspring in some cases are very exotic. I want to ask why do people think Asians are exotic, is it because of there eyes? If they didn't have the slanted eyes then what? I see you made a similiar point as I did about the no attraction. My supervisor is Phillipino and he is short and one of the weakess men I have meet in my whole entire life, totally unattractive and a NO NO to a black female, yet he slicks his hair back and thinks he is hot, very disgusting. He is very lucky to be married to someone, which by the way is within his culture he tells me things like he is not allowed to wear collogne his wife won't allow it due to other women may like him. She has him on strings lol and he thinks that this is a true definiton of a strong woman lol... Extremely weak and unattractive characteristics in a man. I don't think I'm missing out on anything with Asian men, besides in certain cultures once you have one you've had them all lol...
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Starthai says:Posted: 10 Sep 07
Hi, I would like to say maybe there are just more black women who are not attracted to Asian men vise versa. I know I'm definitely not attracted are interested in Asian men I think the only Asian man I thought was ever hot is Jet Li, but as a whole I'm not too attracted to the Asian culture I just don't think there good looking (only a very small %) to me. Sorry if I offended any one to each his own. :)
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vt33 says:Posted: 10 Sep 07
Asian Men and Black women! Lets look at this for a second. Agreed that the liason is quite rare in America, but in other countries it is not rare. Take for instance the carribbean it is a known fact in the carribbean that asians exists, they were brought over, on the slave ships with east indians. Both were indentured slaves, so they did fare better than the africans onboard. I have several relatives that are offspring of Asian male and african females. It is common in some settings just not in America. Look at IKEA for instance they had a commercial out with a Asian husband and African Woman with a child of both cultures. I give KUDOS to IKEA for displaying the diversity in the world as well as their customers. True America is hard up on the whole other color dating, marrying scene. I think the more it is talked about and viewed the less it is a no no! Plus, I can't speak for every woman blogging, but I have yet to find a chinese dude that is in my world that gets my mojo going. I have seen some offspring of chinese and black, get my mojo on and poppin. Perhaps the exotic look of the offspring and the allure of it makes it sensual. I think the allure of Asian men is a little hard to find. They are usually thin and not very tall. I mean how many tall basketball playing chinese dudes you see roaming around in your neighboorhood. I don't think the pairing is odd, I would like to see more of it in the states, but I think the allure factor plays a large roll in why black women don't see them as mates. I cannot speak for the military, because it seems the military men, tend to date outside of their race, because of the close bond they form with their colleagues and they get a chance to sample each persons background. I mean lets face it in bootcamp you are nothing more than a maggot. When you hit the sheets you are a tired maggot. After the abuse, you get a chance to sit down and talk to another soldier, understand who they are, learn their lifestyle. Hence, you make a buddy, then a good friend, then a great lover. In a perfect world we would all find our potential mate in the same retrospect as stated above. Not for nothing, if asians dudes are interested in black women, they should step up really. Like the saying goes, can't trust a big butt and a smile, its like poison. A lot of women found Bruce Lee to be hot. I actually think Chow Young Fat is a hottie. Yet that's me. Till the next episode! I'm out!
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Diva says:Posted: 09 Sep 07
Hmm...we were just talking about this in the chat room. I think there are less Asian men dating Black women because a lot of Asian cultures don't accept that. In fact there is still a lot of arranged marriages going on in Asian cultures. My brother recently married an Asian woman whose parents had wanted to arrange a marriage for her.
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Jade74 says:Posted: 09 Sep 07
Very good thoughts deeann..Well said.Men step it up.
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deeann says:Posted: 09 Sep 07
The AM/BW combo is evolving, especially in the military and California. If you are an Asian man you should be brave and ask that blk. female that you have been admiring from a far out to a movie. LOL, I wonder what the wm who admire bw will think of the competition... hey, that was a joke there are more than enough single bw.
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Cocokisses says:Posted: 09 Sep 07
I guess it is rare, but like everything else, it comes down to preference. I would still keep my options open when it comes to race.
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I am from Canada. The best looking girl I have seen in my 15 years in this country was black girl. She was mixed with white but her skin was dark/black. She was very cute though. But she was surrounded by three white canadian boys. I thought that was bs considering how they would normally think about black and asian people.