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Swirling with Christelyn Karazin

The art of attraction isn't just about colour or creed, it's about chemistry and a whole bunch of other things. Swirling author Christelyn Karazon discusses.

A Letter of Encouragement to Black Women from Interracially Married Man

Posted by Christelyn, 08 Aug

I received this letter yesterday that so touched me, and I was delighted that he asked me to share this with you. With all the racially-charged rhetoric and fear-mongering, notes like this bring so much hope and joy.

"Christelyn,

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I have been a fan and a subscriber to your channel for many years and love what you are doing to help Black women in achieving their true happiness. I am writing this letter so you can share it with the group in hopes that it will open the eyes and hearts of black women who are second guessing dating outside the black community.

I met my wife over 25 years ago when I was stationed in the military. It was the early 90’s and I was looking for someone to share my life with. I was no stranger to dating non-white women. I had a few failed attempts in dating black women. One would only date me in private and felt she was betraying black men when we were together. The relationship ended when her roommate caught us together (a black female) and threatened to tell everyone. Another seriously liked me but her brothers were not having it and threatened to kill me if I continued to date her. We broke up with her crying and tearing my heart out.

"I soon met my wife a few years later and we instantly hit it off. We were inseparable. We soon were married and were to have our first child. At six months of pregnacy, we lost our first child. We were torn but I supported her during this time. We later tried again and through serious bed rest and special diet, we had our first daughter. Five years later we had our second daughter. This would be our last. She had to have an emergency C-section because they both died on the table, but were quickly revived. We raised our family throughout the years and struggled financially as I was finishing college and getting a better job. As things were settling down, my wife started having head pains and numbing in her body. She later had a stroke, which turned out to be linked to pseudo tumors in her brain from having Multiple Schirosis. She was determined to finish her degree and I supported her all the way. Even as she crossed the stage with a cane, I still saw a strong beautiful woman. Ten years have gone by and she has had a few relapses and her memory is not as great as it use to be. This year she was hit again with ovarian cancer. She had to have a partial hysterectomy. Even as she has felt less than a woman or not beautiful, she is always the beautiful woman I met over 25 years ago. She is out going and always friendly with everyone. She always tries to find the good in people.

"She knows this can not always be possible. She has seen the ugly people do in the world and I have shown her how many, like you and us, are being treated online and it angers her to tears. I dont discuss it much to her anymore, because I hate to see her cry or upset.

When I found your channel, I read what the women wrote, listened to you and KsC and heard the same stories my wife had told me about her past relationships.

It really saddens me to see so many beautiful women being treated this way in the black community. There are many good men like me out there wanting to find the right woman. Many of my white friends are open to serious relationships with black women but feel they are not seen attractive. The funny thing is, I hear the same from black women I talk to. They both find each other attractive but fear that the other doesnt. I want black women to realize they are wanted as women. They are seen as beautiful. They are desired. They dont have to pick lower class men to feel loved or supported. Us, real men are out there waiting to love them unconditionally.

Thank you, dear writer. This was much needed

Christelyn Karazin is the co-author of Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate, Mixing Race, Culture and Creed. She also operates the popular blog, Beyond Black & White, and operate the first forum dedicated to black women interested and/or involved in interracial relationships.

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14 responses to "A Letter of Encouragement to Black Women from Interracially Married Man"

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  1.   cass02 says:
    Posted: 07 Jan 23

    Beautifully said

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  2.   Gdluckcharm says:
    Posted: 19 Aug 18

    Thank you for sharing the beautiful story. It really touched my heart. I love the way he stood by his wife through all the issues they had. I've dated outside my race, but I can't seem to find anyone willing to communicate long distant. All the white men I've met in the South are afraid of what their friends and family think, so I'm forced to look farther away. Maybe my "Mr. Right" will find me someday. Good luck to everyone, and I hope you find that special someone.

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  3.   Synt says:
    Posted: 19 Aug 18

    Thank you for sharing your love story!! The encouragement is really needed. I was married to a non black man and now that I've relocated back home to St. Louis...It feels like im looked at as being lower class and the women of color seem to be against me also. Can't win here! I now live in a working class neighborhood but I'm from an upper middle-class neighborhood with parents who were married for 49 years to my dad passed away. (Rare) Marriage is embedded in my lifestyle not sleeping around. I really like attractive All American looking men of various ethnic backgrounds. I do like Caucasian men...but they have to appear and be well educated, enjoy dancing, sociable and like to dress well. Im finding that the out of towner country guys are more into me...I do not want to lower my standards and be unhappy, complaining and depressed!

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  4.   onetreehill says:
    Posted: 19 Aug 18

    Appreciate the letter. I haven't dated much, however, when I did date, I chose to date someone of another race for several years, would not change it for nothing. I enjoyed the experience & relationship. I can't allow any "community" to dictate my preferences. Life is too short & I need to happy with my choice. Love & Happiness Matters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  5.   Ambivert_Q says:
    Posted: 18 Aug 18

    This was beautiful and surely greatly needed by a lot of us to hear. Many blessings to the writer and family.

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  6.   KBreezy65 says:
    Posted: 17 Aug 18

    I liked this story. One of a a kind.

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  7.   Sunshine-16 says:
    Posted: 16 Aug 18

    I loved the story. May God be with you both with a extra special prayer to his wife.

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  8.   Nerojules says:
    Posted: 14 Aug 18

    Such an inspiring story fthat is flled with so much hope for women like me. I admire you both tremendously. And I look forward to sharing my own story as well someday. There's nothing like having such encouraging real life relatable experiences. God bless you both.

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  9.   gracy26 says:
    Posted: 13 Aug 18

    What a well told story, truly we are beautiful the only things some of us have is fear that maybe this guys aren't serious or maybe they are only here for fan. Thanks for the encouragement and on reminding us that we are beautiful and all that . I have been here for years now haven't meet the man but l don't give up and still believe that my white man is out there searching for me and when the right time comes , surely will meet him.

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  10.   Scotsman57 says:
    Posted: 11 Aug 18

    Christelyn, That was a touching Letter. Really enjoyed reading it. The last paragraph is so true. It has really been frustrating b/c sometimes it seems so hard to meet a black woman whether the misperceptions the writer talks about are from the white male or the black woman. I have always been attracted to black women. Whether they believe it or not many of us find them extremely beautiful, passionate, loyal, loving and committed when in a relationship. Just so they know. There are many of out here who feel the same way.

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  11.   Akankiza says:
    Posted: 09 Aug 18

    This really a great massage to us as black women,many of us looking to find true love but we fear to come out in our comfort zone but after reading this latter i now believe that good men still exist many thanks to you MR Christelyn,may God almighty continue to bless you and your family.

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