You are lucky you are this dark and I am dating you
Is that supposed to be a compliment of some sort?
See, this is what some guy told a woman he was in a serious relationship with that she is lucky because he has never dated a woman as dark as she is. Did he expect her to jump up and down in joy screaming "Yey! He picked me over some light skinned woman" or did he expect a million kissed for doing her the favor of dating her dark-skinned self?
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Depending on where you are in your relationship, such comments can leave someone with questions: "Maybe it just came out wrong", "Will he think I am petty if I bring it up … or even leave." "Am I just a second choice for him"? ...
Well, my friend’s Indian boyfriend once made a similar comment to me about her after finding a string of texts from one particular guy on her phone. His words were, "I am not at all attracted to your friend, especially not her skin color. We are only together because our souls seem to connect." Call me a loud mouth all you want but I told my pal, fully expressing my anger at his racial or color-racial remarks. Problem is, my snitching and venting out didn't have the effect I had anticipated. They are still together and I always wonder why. Well, maybe it’s the soul connection bit that threw her brain whatever off balance.
Lucky or not, soul connection or not, I don’t think I would want to spend the rest of my life wondering how many light-skinned women he would rather be with because he is just doing me a favor. I don’t think I can live with the thought that I was the other option simply because he never waited long enough to make some soul connection with a light skinned woman... or wondering when that will happen.
Do I just sound like a paranoid bitter bi**h? Should these women take serious offense in these comments or sweep them under the rag like some 'fat' comment? How would you feel knowing the person you have been dating picked you only because he couldn't find a light-skinned you?
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28 responses to "You are lucky you are this dark and I am dating you"
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GoddessNoire says:Posted: 03 Aug 11I think a lot of people should get over their hang ups when it comes to skin color. Even though you are attracted to a particular race moreso than another for whatever reason, you should still value all people as human beings and act accordingly. Also in the case of someone not being attracted to their mate at all....sounds like an excuse to cheat, A LOT.
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Denilson2000 says:Posted: 02 Aug 11
I am dark skinned black man and so are all my family. Our blood is strong as none of my brothers or sisters have bred with a white partner or a half breed or a mulatto. When you see a black child, it's look proper...like the real deal. Nothing against mulatto kids though ,
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skittles1978 says:Posted: 24 Sep 11
@Denilson...im confused. You are on interracial dating website?? You do know that right?? but you say a black child is all that looks "proper". Well I have a mixed daughter. Not a "half breed or mulatto" and let me assure you she is quite proper.
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itchycoopark says:Posted: 30 Jul 11Personally.. I didn't hear anything past "you are lucky.."... Left after that..
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wildcard4850 says:Posted: 28 Jul 11People are worried about the color of our skin, their skin, somebody else skin. Why? The richest and smartest man in the bible stated, "Vanity, All IS VANITY"
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skky09 says:Posted: 28 Jun 11Black is beautiful no matter what shade it comes in. I have some beautiful dark skinned friends and the one thing that they have in common is that they embrace who they are and don't give a crap what other people say about them. Isn't beauty supposed to come from within anyway?
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easyal says:Posted: 27 Jun 11What should anyone care about the opinions of a few select people? Not everyone thinks this way, I have seen very dark skinned African Runway models that are as beautiful as any light skinned woman. It is all about a person's personality, whether two are compatible or not. If they clash on the things they like, the places they like to go to, the music they listen to then it may not be a good idea for a long term relationship, but if you are compatible the person grows more beautiful day by day..I have experienced this in my life....
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rarestgold says:Posted: 22 Jun 11
Honestly, it was only an issue/concern for me when I was younger and the young boys in my class only wanted to date my friend because she was light-skinned. Yeah, it pissed me of then but as I got older and came into my own, I realized that people will think that of you if you think that of yourself. My darker skin, my natural hair and my outgoing personality more than define me as a beautiful black woman. I am who I am and I strut it proudly (smile). Frankly, it's what attracts more fellas to me.
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friendly13 says:Posted: 21 Jun 11
Retraction: I meant to say "....most whitemen who love black and dark skinned women are turned on by the darker tones....."
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friendly13 says:Posted: 21 Jun 11
@ Sincere for you You are so right. The funny thing is that the article doesn't tell us the color of the man saying this. Truth is it very well could have been a black man. I personally have never had my white man say anything of this nature. Most whitemen love the darker skin tones and are very turned on by it and feel blessed to have a woman of a darke tone (in my opinion and based on my experience). Like Sincere for you, I feel that a person who makes this comment should get the boot. Find someone who is excited by your darker skin and leave the ones looking over the fence alone. Peace.
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JustRon says:Posted: 18 Jun 11
This is nuts. I'm a white guy and, when I look at a black woman, this doesn't register with me at all. I'm into your eyes~your eyes~your eyes and personality. Beautiful women come in all races, ethnicities and skin color. People who think that way are not even the kinds of people I want to be friends with. They ought to run around in a white robe and hood. These idiots probably don't even realize that I can make a black woman blush by flirting. And, I like that little subtle glow;~)
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Sexynubian51 says:Posted: 14 Jun 11We come in all shades of color from milky white to the darkest chocolate ,and all sizes from thin to thick and we still look good. As a matter of fact I think we're all BEAUTIFUL. One thing for sure we never have to get in tanning beds or lay out in the sun to cook . Our skin color is natural and BEAUTIFUL .
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zulunoire says:Posted: 12 Jun 11Anyone who says anything like or similar to ..."You are lucky you are this dark and I am dating you.." should be dumped immediately. You are being abused and continuing such a relationship means you have no self worth. A relationship would only work if you appreciate yourself, your origin, your values. Anyone who claims to be in a relationship with you and is dissatisfied about a physical attribute of yours is just buying time in that relationship. Any "happiness" you experience in tat relationship is nothing but deception. It would not last. You would only experience a painful fiasco at the end of it all. Anyone who has been so addressed should call the relationship quits immediately and move on as fast as possible. All the best, Zulunoire
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gemini2010 says:Posted: 10 Jun 11This is the kind of drama that my beautiful sister has been dealing with since she touched the shore of the WEST under the authority of the ADVERSARY. The stress that the African puts on the psychology of the WEST is bountiful; although unnecessary. The problem today is that the force of nature that regulates the abuse of beauty and light (in any form) has been caged and wounded; but now has been released and healed. MY BEAUTIFUL DARK CHOCOLATE, LIGHT CHOCOLATE, MILK CHOCOLATE, and even WHITE CHOCOLATE sisters... ...Hear my affirmation: You are the queens of light You are the creators of beauty You are the personification of desire You are the ambassadors of compassion You have endured more than you deserve, still no more than you can handle You are remembered today for your powerful past You are heralded today for your tremendous future You are love personified I praise you We praise you Goddess rise!
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sweetie_cc07 says:Posted: 28 May 11The dark skinned/light skinned thing is something that's followed me around for life. My best friend is like two shades darker than me, and she always makes comments like " Most guys like the black girls like you." It confuses me because she's so beautiful and gets a lot of male attention (more than me actually,) but she feels somehow I'm more of a catch just because I'm a little lighter. I think that there is a lot of negativity associated with darker skin; it is seen as less appealing and tasteful than pale, white, mocha skin tones. I would say the negativity is lingering effects from discriminatory days in which darker blacks were viewed as less a person than lighter blacks. Society is gradually pulling away from this mindset, but it still lingers (especially in the black community.) So basically, women/people with dark brown skin, are seen as being less appealing than everyone else. Which is probably why those men made those comments, because in the overview of society, a light skinned women is seen as a much prettier choice than a dark skinned one. ( Stupidest idea I've ever heard.) Therefore, he feels he's doing the dark girl a favor by being with her, and she should be somehow honored that he picked her over the "choice pretty" black girl. Like a prince getting with a peasant. But, that's complete bull on his part, because if your not attracted to " that skin" you would definitely 100% guarantee, you wouldn't be with that person. He loves their "soul connection," their compatibility, and absolutely adores that dark ebony skin she has. How many people honestly, would hook up with someone for such a long time if the attraction wasn't hot? I'm not attracted to dark-skin (like he puts out) and couldn't ever picture myself with someone with darker skin. ( It's just my preference,) it's just not appealing to me; so for him to say he doesn't like dark skin, and still be commited to a dark skin women, he's lying to himself. The heart wants, what the heart wants. And it will get it, whether the mind wants it or not...
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buildonthegood says:Posted: 26 May 11
In the U.S. the idea of what is "dark skinned" is different than abroad and veers toward complexions that are not 'mixed'. I have had both black and white males make insensitive remarks about the complexion of people. Growing up when my family settled after a military career in, it was in the Deep South, Georgia, which is where I attended h.s. Coming from the West Coast, my sibs and I were sometimes derided or complimented for sounding 'white' and 'acting white'. However, it was in California that you weren't treated differently -better, for having your hair 'relaxed'. I was more likely to be complimented by black men as having 'pretty' skin -with some Indian ancestry way back like many African Americans, and 'pretty' hair when it was relaxed. The same men who didn't notice me before with braids. Sometimes the men were often a richer shade of brown. Sometimes they were my complexion. There are men who may divulge that they do not date..get intimate... marry darker than your color, or you can simply pay attention. People have preferences. Some people don't date dwarfs or disabled people. Some people don't date uneducated people or someone not of their faith or a certain race. Some can be insensitive and tell you that you are an exception to the rule. Maybe they don't normally date or marry certain (black or whatever) people at all. However, they may have made an 'exception'. Sometimes there is a projection of their own issue(s) and not about you. Expressing negative remarks and having the person know can be disastrous or a dose of truth that's bearable. I have only met one who dated Indian males and she made sure she got a ring. People were surprised, not supportive but not outwardly so at work. She planned to be a stay-at-home mom anyway. The general consensus was that she could and should have done 'better' because she was an accomplished woman, young and white. He was a handsome man and also accomplished. Sometimes people may want to play with you... they may be all about dating and ... stuff.. but when it comes to something real, just because they claim to appreciate black women...doesn't mean they put a ring on it to seal the real. It's not always about what someone says, but what they do that matters at the end of the day. Spike Lee's "School Daze" and "Jungle Fever" are two seminal films that captured the long-standing, internalized racism about complexion in the U.S. black community. There is a double standard among black people in the U.S. between men and women. The preference is around but not everybody is a stereotype. The richest complexion black men...pair with women who are interracial or lighter, and give backhanded compliments or worse to women who are their complexion or richer. Among men in general (stereotyping), same holds true for physical appearance as a whole. Men can not only be less fit, etc. but talk down or be less appreciative to women who are physically similar or have more superficial assets. Shania Twain's husband? WTF? Say what you will about Naomi Campbell, but as men of all skin tones, races, ethnicities, religions, ages, incomes, and educational levels the world over have lusted over and actively sought her ... She does not get played as the exception to the rule. She and other dark-skinned diamonds like Grace Jones are lights of universal truth about natural beauty coming in all shades of the Universe and the undeniable appeal of dark complexion beauty. In U.S. culture, racism against Asian men as interracial partners is a fact, stark contrast to Asian women, except they may find themselves in ...relationships where they encounter certain aspects of mistreatment because of stereotypes. Some men may internalize and then project it. I would not take it personally, it's his issue. Sometimes people can be oblivious to their own pain and blind about what they are all about. Sometimes people come into each others' life a bit banged up but, like a dented can of corn, once they open up, it turns out to be a good deal. While a man may seem like he's got a dent in the skull about his own situation, expressing some nonsense, his tactful lady may be making her own exception(s) in his case.
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Lib_babe says:Posted: 25 May 11Sometimes I dont know if i should get mad or be happy. Sometimes i dont know if i should hate the caucasian race or the african race. I think defining someone by their look is ignorance and i often find it offending. I hate the word "exotic!" Mots people think if you have longer hair, pointed nose and a skin tone like Iman or Halle Berry means that you are exotic! They think that black people only come in one shade and that all biracial are light skin with curly hair or straight hair. It sadden me that black men no longer appreciate and respect black women. That most black women no longer respect themselves and that many black women and black men who date other race have so much hatred and bitterness towards our own people! Why are we still fighting with ourselves? Why are we still insecure of ourselves and still passing on the light skin and dark skin issue into every generation? Is this how we want to raise our children and grandchildren? Does it really matter what a white man think? Do we still have to listen to them and hate ourselves? Where is the love? I can assure everyone of you that i´m african, young, smart, motivated, happy raise by a strong black woman who inspire me in every way. I have not been lucky dating brothers, but i still have love and respect for them. My parents separated when i was a kid. That has not change my view of a black man, because i know and i have seeing that all black men are not like one black man. I´m dark skin and i´m beautiful from the indside and outside. I dont hate any race i think everyone is beautiful in their own personal way. Who can define beauty? What is beauty?
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onetreehill says:Posted: 19 Jun 11
I appreciate your words. I have a different view on some things, but I really appreciate your comments.
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Happy_Girl says:Posted: 24 May 11
All my life I have heard you are a pretty dark skinned girl. As if pretty stopped with a fairer skin color. This kind of thinking is found across the board regardless of race. White men will say I have never dated a black but I would date you. As if they think that back handed compliment will get them some where with me. Recently Psychology Today had a blogger post an article explaining why black women are so unattractive. The warfare against black women is still very much being waged and this is one of the key weapons in their arsenal. That our dark skin and natural hair is unattractive..... therefore we are unattractive regardless of what we do. We are less than because of our dark skin. There is this underlining assumption that if given a white woman or a black the white will always be the more attractive. Which also leads to the assumption that given a fair skinned black or a dark skinned black the fair will be the prettier. I am not exotic or an exception to some rule.... I am beautiful.
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onetreehill says:Posted: 19 Jun 11
I AM GLAD THAT YOU STATED AT THE END OF YOU COMMENT THAT YOU D0 NOT HATE ANY RACE. THE BEGINNING OF YOUR STATEMENT CONCERNED ME. IT IS SO EASY TO HATE PEOPLE, HOWEVER, THE PSYCHOLOGICAL TRAUMA OF HATE CASUSES MORE HARM PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY TO THE INDIVIDUAL WHO HATES.
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lillymay says:Posted: 23 May 11
You wonder the state of mind one is in, when they decide to say such to the one person they should be protecting their feelings most. It obviousely means one does not measure upto their standard, so why be with them in the first palce????
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peterness says:Posted: 22 May 11who is the cutie in the photo? ;-) She is beautiful and who cares about the rest?
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Sincere4you says:Posted: 19 May 11
These types of comment are a form of psychological manipulation and abuse. In the instances described in the article, the comments were focused on skin color, but I've seen similar situations where the issue was weight, body or facial features and education. The moment someone says something like "I love you even though ..." or "You're lucky I'm with you ..." you should consider giving them the boot and finding someone who doesn't play that game.
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1S1 says:Posted: 19 May 11
Active Invisible Shackles..................The Never Ending Period. Well, a few days after my first arrival in the U.S., I met a black American who liked me and one day told me that I was certainly the prettiest dark skinned girl he had every met. He continued to say that he did not know that they came like me...... I don't remember saying thank you, but I do remember being confused, especially because it came out of a black person's mouth. Furthermore with his complexion being about the same as mine. His comment, though about as puzzling as an alien, did not bother me. It made me question it's origin. In Africa one would never hear something like that. What's interesting is that his comment was only the first of a few similar comments to come, which by the way, were all meant to be majestic compliments. The question is, were they or are they? What is even more baffling about all this is that my complexion is neither light nor dark, not that I have a problem with either direction at all, but I am literally am in the middle, milk chocolate, which also became my nickname. That I understand. Having lived in the U.S. for many years now and knowing the black american history, listening and watching things like their music videos, listening to some of the female radio personalities comments, and observing the hair issues down to the color sometimes, I gather that those that think and even act like that, while being physically free of slavery, still remain emotionally and especially psychologically prisoners of slavery. Yes they ran away from their slave masters.....but only physically. Active invisible shackles...............The Never Ending Period. Point blank.
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I have to honestly proclaim ignorance on this topic. I really didn't know that skin tone was such an issue. Not to sound crude, but if I see a BW that I think is attractive, it's usually for "other" reasons. I truly couldn't care less wether she is light/dark skinned. Hot is Hot.